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Post by barbt on Dec 30, 2013 17:21:22 GMT -5
That's a lot for Dave to handle. The only way for this to get fixed is for Freddie to be able to talk to Neil and get things sorted out. Which is only the hardest thing in the world for her to do.
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Post by celticbear on Dec 30, 2013 19:35:51 GMT -5
Well done Dave! Glad he locked himself and Freddie in that dressing room and got Freddie to talk about why Neil scares her! Now it is time for Freddie to do the hardest thing of all clean the air with Neil! Some how Dave needs to get Freddie and Neil in a room with no escape!
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Post by onyxfyrefly on Jan 1, 2014 14:41:43 GMT -5
“Your turn,” said Colm while standing. It was pouring down rain and the cast and crew were confined to the venue for the day. Luckily there was a small recreation area backstage complete with a pool table where Emmet and Colm were currently facing off. Freddie sat to the side with Keith, attempting to teach him the finer points of Spanish guitar. “No, no…slow down,” said Freddie with a laugh. Keith was an incredible guitarist but for some reason the gentle cadences of the Spanish style eluded him. “Now watch,” said Freddie as she played a riff, her fingers gently coaxing the notes from the strings. “How do you do that?” asked Keith as he attempted to duplicate the riff. “We're playing the same notes but it doesn’t sound...I don’t know...it doesn’t sound right.” “I must say that you have a unique teaching style, Freddie,” said David. He'd been watching her interact with Keith all afternoon and was surprised at her approach. It was very different yet very effective. “It’s difficult enough as it is to teach this lot anything new. If I used more...colorful terms nothing would ever get done!” There were a few protests but everyone knew he was right. As bright and brilliant as the performers were they sometimes tended to act like children especially if they were stuck in the same room for an extended period of time. “At least you’re not like my old music teacher. When he got angry he threw chairs across the music room.” “Seriously?” asked Kieran. “Yep. Now what was his name...?” “Mr. Bloomfield.” The room fell deathly silent as everyone suddenly realized that Freddie and Neil had said the name at the exact same time. All of the blood drained from the young woman’s face as recognition flashed through Neil’s eyes. Without a word Neil stood and strode across the room, grabbing Freddie by the arm and hauling her to her feet. She hastily handed Keith her guitar as Neil practically dragged her out of the room. Everyone expected Freddie to shout her indignation and fight but she went willingly, her head hanging in submission. Nicole stood and started after them but Emmet blocked the way with his pool queue. “Don’t. You know this has been coming, they need to talk.” “But I’ve never seen Neil like this...” “He’s just upset. Let them hash this out, I’m sure we’ll be cleaning up the mess for days.” The tenor watched the two disappear into the venue. “Hopefully we’ll finally find out what’s been going on between them...maybe things will go back to normal now.” Glancing around he smirked. "Or whatever passes for normal in this madhouse." ------------------------------------------------------ Freddie sat down in one of the seats in the front row, her eyes on the floor, as Neil leaned against the stage. It was a long time before anyone said anything but Freddie was too scared to try and leave. “Frederica Castillo...wow, it’s been years since I heard that name.” “I’m surprised you knew my name back then.” “What?” asked Neil with a frown. “You never called me by my name, I was usually called by something a bit more…unusual.” The young woman’s words made something sharp twist deep inside Neil as memories came rushing back. She was right, he and his friends used an array of harsh names with her. Everything from the typical ‘nerd’ to more creative names like ‘Freddie Krueger’ to the simple yet humiliating ‘Fred’.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” “What was I supposed to say, Neil?” Again an awkward silence fell between them. Neil eventually sat down in the chair next to her and felt the young woman stiffen. “When did you recognize me?” “The second you walked through the door.” Neil’s eyebrows rose. “Really? But you didn’t react at all.” Freddie chuckled without humor. “I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding my emotions.” “You didn’t hide them well that night at the party.” The young woman frowned. “That wasn’t an emotional response, that was a reaction. You had me trapped and my PTSD kicked in.” “PTSD?” “Post traumatic stress disorder. Soldiers aren’t the only ones who get it, anyone who has been through severe trauma can be affected by it.” Neil fell silent at her words. Yes, he couldn’t deny that he and his friends had been cruel to Freddie but he was pretty sure she was just blowing things out of proportion. “It can’t have been that bad...” Freddie’s eyes flashed, showing emotion for the first time since the discussion began. “It wasn’t that bad? For four years my life was misery incarnate. I couldn’t walk down the halls or even go the bathroom without fear of being taunted or beaten up. And that was while we were in school, outside of school it was even worse. In four years I went through three bicycles because they kept getting trashed, I lost count of how many books I had to replace, and it took everything that my parents had to keep buying me new clothes because bloodstains don’t wash out.” By now Freddie was on her feet, glaring down at Neil. “You have no idea, do you? You had no idea how miserable I was. It was just a game to you, wasn’t it?” She took a shaky breath as she tried to calm herself. “It wasn’t a game to me. I was so terrified and stressed that I was sick. I’ve had an ulcer since I was sixteen because of you. When I look in the mirror I still see the piece of garbage that you made me believe I was. I nearly took my life because of you.” Neil paled. “What?” “You had me convinced that the world would be a better place without me so I tired to make that a reality. I tried more than once but nothing worked. I took handfuls of pills out of the medicine cabinet but I never found the right combination.” She ran a hand through her hair and shook her head. “Is that what you wanted? Did you hate me so much that you wanted me to die?” “No!” Neil exclaimed. “I never wanted…I mean…” The young man stood and paced while struggling to find the right words. When he realized that there was nothing he could do or say to make things right he let his arms fall limply to the side. “Freddie, I’m -”
The guitarist cut him off. “If you say you’re sorry I’ll knock your teeth out.” “Well what do you want me to say?” The singer snapped back angrily.
“There’s nothing you can say. You can’t fix this. I’ve learned to live with my demons and now you have to deal with them too.”
“Freddie, please...”
“No, Neil. This is a wound that won’t heal. It hurts, doesn’t it?” Neil nodded. Deep down he felt like his gut had been ripped open and each breath was a struggle. “I’ve had to deal with that pain for twenty years.”
“How do you do it?”
Freddie shrugged and slipped her hands into her back pockets. “We each deal with pain in our own ways, you’ll just have to find a method that suits you.”
Crossing his arms across his chest, Neil leaned against the stage once more. This entire situation felt unreal and he prayed that he would wake up and it would all be a bad dream. “So where do we go from here? How do we finish the tour?”
“We keep doing what we’ve been doing. You do your job and I’ll do mine.”
“But...”
“Don’t make this more difficult than it already is.” Outside the sky was illuminated with lightening and followed by a massive crash of thunder that made the walls of the venue shake. “Forget about me, Neil. You did it once and you can do it again.” Freddie turned towards the main doors of the venue. “I’m going to go and lay down on the bus, I’ll be back before soundcheck.”
“But it’s pouring out there.”
“A little rain won’t hurt me.”
Neil watched Freddie walk away and slowly sank into one of the chairs. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. Yes, Freddie had seemed familiar but he had no idea that the lovely young woman was the awkward child he and his friends had tormented in the past. Her sudden reappearance opened up wounds that he had thought were long healed and released the darkness that he had tried so hard to oppress. In short, Freddie allowed his dark side to roam free once more and Neil hoped that he would be strong enough to control those demons before they got the best of him.
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Post by barbt on Jan 1, 2014 15:15:34 GMT -5
Whoa. Sounds like it's going to take all the CT crew can do to keep things together this time.
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Post by celticbear on Jan 1, 2014 21:49:08 GMT -5
Wow! This was one explosive update! I hope in the end both Freddie and Neil conquer their High School demons!
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mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
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Post by mkk59 on Jan 5, 2014 2:56:49 GMT -5
Wow! The confrontation of Freddie and Neil had me crying. Great job as usual Onyx! Can't wait to read more!
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Post by sportygirl200 on Jan 5, 2014 4:06:38 GMT -5
Wonder what neil is going to do next could he try punishing himself for the years of torment he caused freddie
Sent from my GT-P5110 using proboards
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Post by onyxfyrefly on Jan 5, 2014 14:26:38 GMT -5
Backstage the small group had been pretending not to eavesdrop on Neil and Freddie’s conversation. From time to time they could hear raised voices but no one could make out the exact words. Finally the voices fell silent and they looked at each other uneasily.
“Should we go and check on them?” asked Ryan, unnerved to have heard Neil’s voice raised in anger.
“I’ll go,” volunteered Nicole and before anyone could stop her she was gone.
Walking into the auditorium the violinist saw Neil sitting with his head in his hands but didn’t see any sign of Freddie. She knelt down in front of her boyfriend and placed her hands on his knees. After a moment he covered her hands with his own.
“Are you alright?”
Neil nodded slowly. “Yeah...I’m fine.”
“Where’s Freddie?”
“She said she wanted to lay down for a bit.”
Nicole frowned. “Backstage?” She knew there was no way to get to the dressing rooms without going through the recreation area.
“No, on the bus.”
The thunder boomed so loudly that the walls of the venue shook. “She went outside in this storm?” The singer shrugged and leaned back in his chair and Nicole wondered if someone should go and make sure the young woman was okay.
Moving to sit next to him Nicole finally broached the subject that had been on everyone’s mind for weeks. “So what happened between you and Freddie?”
It seemed to take a moment for the question to penetrate the fog surrounding Neil’s brain. “Wait...what?”
Nicole turned to meet Neil’s eyes. “It’s obvious that you and Freddie knew each other, that you share a past. So what happened?”
A headache was forming behind Neil’s eyes and he rubbed his temples in an attempt to chase it away as dark memories threatened to surface. “It’s nothing. We went to school together a long time ago.”
“I don’t understand. If you went to school together why didn’t you recognize her? Why didn’t she anything before now?”
“You know...I really don’t see how this is any of your business.” Neil snapped. “People change and I didn’t recognize her. Obviously she didn’t want to bring it up. If you want to know what her deal is ask her.” Standing, he brushed past his dumbstruck girlfriend and tried to ignore the hurt look on her face. “I need some air.”
Watching Neil walk away Nicole was absolutely shocked. In all of the years they’d been together Neil had never spoken so harshly to her. Yes, she’d seen him upset and they’d had their fair share of fights but never had he acted to indifferent to her or to someone that she though he considered a friend.
Swallowing down her emotions she rushed backstage to where her bag was stored. Several inquiries were thrown her way but she ignored them as she grabbed an umbrella and slipped her arms into her coat.
Outside the rain was coming down in sheets and the umbrella didn’t guard much against the deluge. Even though the buses were only a few yards away she could barely see them through the storm. It took three tries to punch in the proper code and by the time she finally made it inside she was soaked.
She changed into dry clothes quickly and hung her wet garments to dry next to Freddie’s. The guitarist wasn’t in her bunk and pushing the door to the back open Nicole’s heart tightened. Freddie was curled up in the corner of one of the couches, her wet hair pulled back into a braid, a pillow clutched firmly in her grasp. The young woman didn’t even seem to know that Nicole had entered the room, she just stared into space.
Very carefully the musician sat down to the obviously shaken young woman. “Freddie? Freddie...are you alright?” Nicole didn’t receive an answer, the guitarist didn’t even move. Her dark eyes were glazed and she barely even blinked as she gazed at nothing. Nicole realized that her companion was trembling and jumped to her feet, grabbing a blanket from her bunk. She wrapped the blanket around Freddie’s slim shoulders but she couldn’t tell if it had any effect.
Part of Nicole wanted to go and check on Neil but his outburst had hurt her. Whatever had happened had obviously rocked him to the core but at least he was reacting. Freddie, on the other hand, seemed to be internalizing her response and it scared Nicole. It was as if she was in shock and her body didn’t know how to deal with the blow that it had been dealt.
Not knowing what else to do, Nicole wrapped her arm around Freddie’s shoulders. Again the young woman didn’t even flinch and the violinist sighed.“Oh, Freddie...what’s going on? What happened to you? To both of you?” Making herself comfortable Nicole listened to the raging storm while trying to calm the maelstrom swirling inside her head.
-------------------------------------------------------
Soundcheck was interesting to say the least. Nicole had somehow roused Freddie from her stupor when the time came to return to the venue and was shocked at the transformation that occurred. It was like a switch had been flipped. One moment Freddie was in an almost comatose state and the next her bright personality was back.
Neil was moody and refused to look anyone in the eye, only restraining his emotions because of the small group of fans that were attending the soundcheck party. He had stayed in the dressing room all afternoon, refusing to talk to or even see anyone.
Freddie acted as if nothing was wrong. Every note played was perfect and her smile was brilliant. She joked around with everyone as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Nicole noticed that she kept her space from Neil but it was subtle and to the casual observer nothing would seem amiss.
Somehow she kept up the act throughout the show as well. Neil “volunteered” Emmet to go to the Meet and Greet in his place and avoided everyone as much as possible. Freddie was a little jumpy but she happily let Candace try a new hairstyle with her and even engaged in a game of chase with Declan and Kieran between acts.
The rest of the performers, cast, and crew were absolutely bewildered. They knew something was going on between Neil and Freddie but no one could figure out what had happened. Nicole had mentioned that Freddie seemed upset but didn’t go into any details about the state that she had found the young woman in.
Fortunately for the band and unfortunately for Freddie they had a travel day the next day which meant there was no escaping. The guitarist took her time after the show but she knew she couldn’t avoid the issue forever.
After the buses were loaded and on the road Freddie grabbed the small teddy bear that she kept in her bunk and headed to the back room once more. This time she wasn’t alone and Seana and Laura scooted apart to make room for her.
No one pushed, no one gave her an expectant look...they knew that Freddie would tell them in her own time.
“Obviously...you all know that this has to do with myself and Neil but it’s not what you think.” She met Nicole’s eyes and tried to smile. “I’m not some crazy ex-girlfriend or something like that. We do have a past though...and it’s not pretty.” The musician fell silent and nervously chewed her bottom lip.
“Freddie, whatever it is you can tell us,” urged Nicole.
“I’m not sure you should hear this...”
“I love Neil, we all do, but we love you too and it’s obvious that you need to get this off of your chest.”
Freddie didn’t reply, she just pulled her teddy bear closer.
Nicole leaned forward and placed a hand on the young woman’s knee. “Freddie, when I walked onto the bus earlier you weren’t moving, you barely blinked...for a moment I was afraid you were going to stop breathing. It was obvious that something had gotten to you and shaken you so badly that you could hardly function. Then you turned around and shoved all of those emotions down and acted like nothing was wrong. Holding all of that in...it’s not healthy. Please, Freddie, talk to us. You’re scaring me and I’m worried about you...we all are.”
The guitarist sighed in defeat. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you...but please don’t repeat what I say. This isn’t going to be easy to hear and you might not even believe me...you might even hate me.”
Slowly Freddie looked around the space and met the eyes of her companions. They each nodded in encouragement and finally the young woman took a deep breath and began to talk. The story she told was almost exact to the one she had shared with Dave a few weeks prior. She didn’t look at anyone as she spoke and she told the story in a flat monotone.
When her tale finally ended she waited for the response from her band mates but it never came. The silence was thick and eventually she couldn’t take it any more. Standing, Freddie turned to leave but felt a hand gently grasp her wrist. Turning she met Declan’s eyes that were racing with emotions. He looked confused and hurt and sad and angry and a million other things all at once and the sight made her heart ache.
He pulled her close and gently wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure how to deal with this but please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. If you ever want to talk or even just go for a run to let off some steam let me know. You’re not alone anymore, Freddie. This tour just got a heck of a lot more complicated but we’re going to get through this...together. But you have to let us help. No more shutting us out, no more closing yourself off. This isn’t going to be easy for any of us but I’m willing to deal with the pain if you are.”
After a moment Seana stood and added her own voice to the mix. “Deco’s right. If you need us we’ll help you.”
One by one each musician added their voice until Freddie was in the middle of a massive group hug. Even Nicole, who was so shaken that she could barely speak, stood and added her voice and her embrace.
“Why?” asked Freddie who had been silent until that moment. Her voice was muffled by Declan’s chest and she had to speak loudly to be heard. “Neil is your friend, your brother...you all love him so much. Why are you being so good to me?”
Kieran smiled and smoothed back her hair. “Because you’re our sister and we love you too.”
Freddie didn’t reply. She just closed her eyes and for the first time since she joined the tour she allowed herself to cry.
---------------------------------------------------
On the other bus the lads weren’t having nearly as much luck getting any information from Neil. The singer wan’t sure how to deal with all of the emotions coursing through his veins. He was ashamed that his past sins had come back to haunt him and he was sad that he had hurt someone so much. At the same time he was angry that Freddie had suddenly come along and brought back all of these memories that he had spent years trying to suppress.
Glancing out the window Neil watched the darkened landscape fly past. He’d seen the look in Nicole’s eye and knew that she was going to drag the truth out of Freddie. For all that he knew they were talking right now. She would probably blow things completely out of proportion, that’s what she always did in school. Every time that something went wrong Freddie would twist the situation to suit her needs so she received all of the attention and sympathy.
By the time that the buses stopped for fuel tomorrow he doubted that any of the band members would be speaking to him. Yes, he and Freddie had a rough past but what happened between them occurred a lifetime ago. He had let go of those painful memories and she should do the same. Instead she walked around like a kicked puppy, turning him into some kind of monster.
The more Neil thought about the situation the angrier he became until his thoughts were as black as the scenery flashing by. A hand on his shoulder made him jump and he glared up at Ryan. “Yes?”
“We need to talk.”
Neil shook his head. “No we don’t, everything’s fine.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.”
Ryan sat down next to his best friend and ran a hand through his hair. “You know as well as I do that Nicole is going to drag the story out of Freddie so you might as well tell us what’s going on between you two that way we can just clear the air and put this mess to bed.”
Neil sighed and glanced around, all of the others were spread out around the lounge but it was obvious that they weren’t going to let him leave.
“I don’t know what all of the fuss is about. Yes, I know Freddie. We went to school together about twenty years ago. We didn’t get along very well but you know how kids are at that age. Most people don’t even like themselves let alone anyone else. When she came in to rehearsal the first day her name sounded familiar but her appearance had changed drastically so I didn’t recognize her. Then today when she was talking about our former music teacher I realized who she was. That’s all, that’s the big secret.”
“But Neil...she acts like she’s scared of you,” said Colm. Something about the guitarist’s story wasn’t adding up.
“I don’t know why she acts like that around me. She always was a little strange so who knows with her.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing else?” asked George. He remembered finding Freddie curled up in the hallway terrified and shaking the night of the launch party and knew there was more to Neil’s story.
“Yes, I’m sure,” Neil snapped. “I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s not like the fact that I used to know Freddie has affected my work in any way. Everything was fine until everyone suddenly decided that they needed to know every detail of my life.”
Keith held up his hands in a gesture of defense. “Calm down, mate. We’re just worried about you. You haven’t been yourself lately and we’re concerned...that’s all.”
Neil snorted and shook his head. “So suddenly you’re the expert on my behavior? You don’t know anything about me, Harkin, and I’d appreciate it if you just kept your nose out of my business.”
The surfer’s mouth dropped open in shock. A dozen smart replies flashed through his head but he bit his tongue as Neil stalked back towards the bunks. He turned to face his companions who all wore similar expressions. No one spoke but they all wondered what had happened to the easygoing young man to turn him into this harsh, angry stranger. None of them believed that the reappearance of a former classmate could trigger such a change and they vowed to find out what was going on and fix things before they lost the man that they called brother.
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Post by barbt on Jan 5, 2014 14:51:52 GMT -5
Oh boy. That rocky road just got a lot rockier. Neil's got a heck of a long way to go before he stops lieing to himelf.
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mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
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Post by mkk59 on Jan 5, 2014 14:53:48 GMT -5
I can see how hard it is for Neil, wrestling with his demons. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for more! Great update Onyx!
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Post by celticbear on Jan 5, 2014 20:44:45 GMT -5
I agree this tour just got rockier! Both Neil and Freddie need to deal with their past once and for all! And when Neil comes to his senses, he needs to apologize to Nicole and the others!
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Post by onyxfyrefly on Jan 7, 2014 20:23:04 GMT -5
The band members had been forced by Freddie to take a vow of silence. She begged them not to repeat her story to anyone and to not treat Neil any differently. They all knew that the latter was going to be nearly impossible but they understood where Freddie was coming from. She had told them about her past so they would understand what was going on with her, not in an attempt to skew their view of Neil.
Everyone was grateful that they were traveling the next day because no one slept well. All night people were heard muttering in their sleep and the sound of blankets being kicked away and bedding be rearranged became the soundtrack of their night.
After tossing and turning for hours Freddie finally gave up on the idea of sleep and carefully jumped down from her bunk. As quietly as possible she made herself a cup of tea and her heart hurt when she saw Nicole sitting on one of the sofas in the main area.
The violinist jumped when Freddie handed her a cup of tea and nodded her thanks. “Can I sit with you?” Nicole nodded and the guitarist curled up in the seat next to hers. The silence seemed to stretch on and finally Freddie sighed. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“What?” asked Nicole with a frown.
“When I told my story I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted you to know what was going on.”
“Freddie, you didn’t hurt me and I’m honored that you trust me enough to confide in me about something so personal.”
“You’re very sweet but I did hurt you. I know that look and now no matter how hard you try you’ll never see Neil in the same light. Am I right?”
The musician nodded. “I just...I can’t imagine him treating someone like that. He almost never gets upset or angry. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard him raise his voice. I can’t see him acting the way that he did in your story.”
Freddie sipped her tea. “People change. It was a long time ago. I know I’m not the same person I was twenty years ago. I was a shy, insecure...okay...bad example. But I’m sure you’re not the same person that you were growing up.”
Nicole paused and thought back. When she was sixteen she was already dedicated to her music and knew that she was going to follow that dream. She had a small group of close friends and while she wasn’t the most popular girl in school she tried to be nice to everyone.
“No, I’m not the same person that I was but I don’t think I’ve changed that drastically over the years.” Nicole placed her empty mug to the side and tried to envision Neil as a teenager. “Neil was really into his music back then, right? I would think that being a bully would lessen his chances of doing well.”
Freddie traced the rim of her mug with a finger. “He lived and breathed music. I know he had gigs nearly every weekend but I was always too afraid to go. Seeing where he is now I really wished I had gone, I would have loved to have heard him play back then.” She let her head rest against the cool glass of the window. “Like I said before, he rarely got caught, so he had ample time to follow his music and torment me. There was one time that his temper got in the way though. I think we were seventeen or so and our school decided to put on a production of ‘Carmen’ and they needed a guitarist. Neil was easily the best guitarist in the school but there were dozens of people who auditioned. At the last moment I decided to audition and imagine my shock when I was chosen as the lead guitarist.”
“Really?” asked Nicole. “Please, don’t get me wrong you’re easily one of the best guitarists that I’ve ever met, Freddie, but I can’t see someone getting a role like that against Neil.”
“No offense taken. Trust me, I was floored. I thought it was some kind of cruel joke but our music teacher assured it was true. Apparently Neil was livid and even his parents came to the school because he was so upset. Our music teacher explained that they needed a Spanish guitarist and that wasn’t a style he had mastered yet.”
Nicole frowned. “But Neil knows how to play Spanish guitar.”
Freddie shrugged. “I guess he learned after that. Glad to see I was such an inspiration.”
The two fell silent as Nicole tried to process the information she had been given. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t see the love of her life as someone who was cruel and mean, the images just wouldn’t fit together.
Noticing the violinist’s predicament Freddie spoke up once more. “What’s he like?”
“Who?”
“Neil. I only have my memories of him and I haven’t spent any time with him during the tour. What’s he like now?”
Nicole made herself comfortable as she tried to find the right words. “He’s kind, a little shy, helpful, passionate, stubborn, caring, quiet, but he’s also one of the biggest pranksters you’ll ever meet...he’s just Neil.”
“How long have you known him?”
“About ten years ago. We met at a gig and hit it off right away.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been dating?”
“About eight years.”
“What? I know people who have been married, divorced, and married again in that length of time!”
Nicole laughed. “I know, most people can’t believe it. We started dating not long before Phil asked him to join the Celtic Thunder band and when the group took off I feared that I’d lose him but a couple of years later they needed a violin and viola player and I auditioned and got the part.”
“Didn’t Sharon have a problem with the fact that you two were together?” Freddie knew how protective the producer was of her brood.
“Surprisingly enough she didn’t. No, she wasn’t thrilled and we’ve had to keep things under wraps but by now almost all of the fans know. We like to say it’s the worst kept secret in Celtic Thunder history.”
“Why don’t you just go out and say it? Make things official?”
“Sharon wants the lads to keep up a specific image. If Neil was still in the band it would be one thing but now that he’s up in front with the others it’s different.”
“It must be hard.”
“It’s okay, it’s a part of life and we deal with it the best we can. I know how he feels about me and that’s all that really matters.”
‘Great and I just threw a monkey wrench into an already delicate situation.’ Freddie thought with a frown.
“Thank you for telling me about your past with Neil,” said Nicole. “It wasn’t easy to hear but now I know what’s been going on. I know that we’ll be able to get this mess cleared up and hopefully now you’ll be able to rest a little easier. Now get some sleep.”
“Yes mother,” Freddie muttered with a grin and watched as Nicole headed back towards the bunks.
Instead of going to bed the guitarist stayed and watched the landscape race by the window. She had accepted the fact that Neil had changed and part of her wondered what had caused such a dramatic shift. A headache was creeping up on her but she didn’t want to sleep, she was afraid of what her dreams would bring.
Her brain was screaming at her to let it go, to forget about the demons of her past. Everything that had happened occurred a lifetime ago and she knew that she should move on so those wounds could heal.
What scared her was the fact that she had thought that her wounds had healed, that she’d moved on and grown from her mistakes and pain. All of her newfound strength and courage faded the moment that she looked into the eyes of her former tormentor. The walls that she had spent years building, the defenses that she had created disappeared the second that Neil walked into the room.
Freddie hadn’t changed. She wasn’t a brave, confident young woman. She was still a terrified little girl who once more found herself surrounded by nightmares.
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Hours later when the buses stopped for fuel the band members tried to make their exit as quietly as possible. They had found Freddie asleep on the couch and Kieran had carried her to her bunk. It wasn’t ten minutes later that she had started talking in her sleep and crying out. The words weren’t clear but everyone could tell that she was obviously scared. She’d finally settled down and no one had the heart to wake her.
Everyone loaded up on junk food, they knew it wasn’t good for them but after such a stressful night they knew that a little indulgence was necessary.
Laura grabbed her purchases and returned Colm’s wave as the singer climbed down from the bus. He motioned for her to wait and she found a place out of the sun while he browsed the store. A few minutes later the Irishman joined her.
“What’s up?” she asked even though she knew what the question would be.
“Did you guys talk to Freddie last night?”
“Yes.”
“And...?”
“And what?”
Colm ran a hand through his short-cropped hair. “Well what did she say? Did she tell you about what’s going on between her and Neil?”
The cellist nodded. “She did tell us and it wasn’t a very happy story. Why are you asking me? Didn’t Neil talk to you guys?”
“Kind of. He basically said that they went to school together but didn’t get along. Apparently her appearance has changed pretty drastically and that’s why he didn’t recognize her.” Glancing around he let his voice drop. “There’s something else going on though. He was short with us and kept snapping. I’ve barely seen him all day and he hasn’t said half a dozen words to anyone.”
Laura sipped her drink as she took in this new information. According to Freddie Neil had been her worst nightmare but according to Neil Freddie was just someone that he didn’t get along with. She couldn’t decide who to believe and her head was spinning with ideas and theories.
“We both know that this isn’t typical for Neil and I do agree that there is something else going on but I don’t know what it is. If you want to hear Freddie’s side of the story you’ll have to ask her. She asked us not to talk about it or to treat Neil any differently but I can’t say anymore. She’d probably be pretty ticked that we were having this conversation right now.”
“I just want to know what’s going on. I hate seeing Neil like this.”
“I know but you Irishmen are just too stubborn for your own good.” The two laughed then Laura glanced in the direction of the bus. “I’ve got to go, my ice cream is melting. If you need to talk let me know and keep me updated on Neil, okay?”
Colm nodded and headed towards his respective bus wondering what they were going to do about Neil and Freddie.
On the other side of the store Nicole waited until Neil walked by the followed him out. “Hey.” Her soft voice made him turn and the scowl on his face faded slightly.
“Hey yourself.”
“Can we talk?”
Neil nodded they wandered off and found a picnic area not far from the rest stop. They sat on the table and enjoyed the warm sun for several long minutes. Finally Nicole broke the silence. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” Neil wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “How are you?”
“Tired, I didn’t sleep well last night.”
The young woman’s words made Neil sit up a little straighter. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there something on your mind?”
Nicole took a deep breath. “I talked to Freddie last night.”
Very slowly Neil turned to meet her eyes. “And?”
“And...it wasn’t a very happy tale. I’m just struggling to imagine to you as the person that she described in that story.”
“That’s all it is, a story.” Neil’s voice took on a hardened edge. “Freddie always had a way a twisting the truth to get her way, to make people side with her.”
Nicole frowned. She hadn’t known Freddie very long but she didn’t seem like the type to just make up stories about someone.
“I’m not choosing a side but I am confused.”
“What are you confused about?”
“Well...” Nicole picked at a frayed edge of her sleeve. “She said that you bullied her and that it was so bad that she was scared to go to school.”
“We never got along but I mean...I didn’t...”
Neil wanted to deny Freddie’s words but he couldn’t lie to Nicole so he chose to stop talking instead.
The violinist’s eyes widened when she realized that Neil didn’t know how to reply. “You mean she was telling the truth? You were really that cruel to her?”
“Nic, it wasn’t like that...”
“Tell me the truth. Look me in the eye and tell me that you never called her names, that you never teased or tormented that poor girl.”
Neil felt something cold settle in the pit of his stomach. “Fine, I did tease her and call her names but I was a kid. We all do stupid things when we were kids. It was a million years ago. I grew up and I’m not like that anymore. I’ve moved on and if she can’t put those issues behind her then that’s her problem, not mine.” Standing, Neil let out a breath of frustration. “Can we talk about this later? It looks like they’re getting ready to leave.”
Nicole nodded numbly and headed towards the bus. She felt Neil kiss her cheek but she moved in a daze. After her eyes adjusted to the dimness she realized that everyone was gathered in the small kitchen area, indulging in their treats. Freddie was up and was pretending to eat the bag of chips that Seana had purchased for her.
The guitarist glanced up and the moment she saw Nicole’s face her stomach sank. “I should go.”
“Freddie, it’s alright...” started Nicole but her band mate just shook her head.
“No...I...I shouldn’t be here...” Before anyone could stop her she had disappeared into the back.
Nicole swore and sank into the seat Freddie had recently vacated.
“What happened?” asked Kieran.
“She’s telling the truth.”
“What do you mean?”
Nicole sucked in a deep breath and let her head rest in her hands. “Neil admitted that he had bullied Freddie, he played it down but he admitted it.”
Declan glanced at his companions. “You didn’t believe Freddie’s story?”
“I did but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to believe that the person in that story was Neil.”
“You said that he played it down, what was that about?”
“He said that he did tease her and call her names but that she would twist the story so people would feel bad for her.”
“Freddie wouldn’t do that,” said Laura. “Have you seen her? She’s absolutely terrified of him and we all know that she has nightmares.”
Tucking her hair behind her ear Nicole nodded. “I know but I can’t help but wonder how much of her story is true. I’m so confused, I don’t know who to believe anymore. Come on guys, this is Neil. Do you really believe that he would treat someone like that?”
“Why would Freddie lie?” asked Laura.
“I don’t think that she’s lying but I have to wonder if Neil was telling the truth. What if she is exaggerating in order to make us feel sorry for her?” countered Nicole.
No one had an answer. It was obvious that Freddie was scared and that her presence had Neil on edge but they were beginning to wonder how much of the story was fact and how much of it was grown from the memories of a traumatized child. For the frist time since Freddie had confided in them they felt the cold fingers of doubt creep in.
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Freddie made herself scarce for the rest of their journey. She stayed hidden in the back until the boys decided to watch a movie then she holed up in her bunk until she felt the buses come to a stop. Ger stuck her head in to let them know that they were parked about a block away from a large city center with plenty of choices for dinner and entertainment. They were only about fifteen minutes away from the venue so they didn’t have a curfew that night. This news was met with enthusiasm and soon everyone was busy making plans and getting ready for their night out.
Freddie had planned on staying on the bus when her phone chirped. It was a text from Keith inviting her out to dinner. She almost said no, she really wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone but Keith was someone who could always make her laugh and that’s exactly what she needed.
He agreed to meet her outside in thirty minutes and Freddie quickly got ready. The night was still pretty warm but she still threw on a light jacket then headed outside where Keith was waiting. She was surprised to see Ryan as well but shrugged it off.
The two laughed and joked with her on the way to the restaurant and she felt a little of the weight on her shoulders ease. They didn’t mention anything about her issue with Neil and Freddie pushed her worries aside. She was thrilled to see that they were eating Chinese which was her favorite and wondered if they were only being nice to her because of the drama that was going on.
“You’re awfully quiet,” commented Ryan.
Freddie shrugged and picked at her food. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night and I’ve had a headache that I can’t shake.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Keith while squeezing her shoulder. “Anything we can do to help?”
“No...I’ll be alright. Thank you though.”
Ryan and Keith exchanged glances over her head. Through the grapevine they had heard that Freddie wasn’t doing so well and had avoided everyone all day. They had hoped to get the young woman to open up over dinner but she barely spoke. Freddie’s silence wasn’t going to stop them, those two were much too stubborn for that.
After dinner they walked back to the buses when Keith stopped and pointed. “How about some ice cream, Freddie?”
“I shouldn’t. I ate way too much at dinner.”
Keith pretended not to hear her and grabbed her hand. Against her will Freddie laughed as she struggled to keep up with the surfer’s stride as he practically ran down the street. They ordered a massive sundae that they didn’t have a chance of making a dent in and sat into a booth towards the back.
Not long after they got settled Ryan glanced up then waved. Turning, Freddie was surprised to see Colm, Emmet, and George walking their way. “Good, reinforcements!” exclaimed Keith while passing out spoons.
As time ticked by Freddie became more and more uncomfortable. The lads acted so naturally around each other and to anyone watching they really did seem like a family. A very big, very loud family who had taken up the challenge to get to the bottom of the ice cream bowl.
She knew that they had talked to Neil and she knew that Neil was upset. Part of her wondered what Neil had told them but part of her was too tired to care. She was so exhausted to fighting a battle that she knew she’d never win and in the end she knew that everyone would just turn on her. It always happened and she wondered why she even bothered confiding in people anymore.
Placing her napkin on the table she began to gather her things. “Thank you guys for dinner and for the ice cream. I really needed a night out.”
Before she could go Ryan placed his hand on her arm. “Freddie, before you leave I wanted to ask you something.”
Looking into the blue eyes of her companion she felt her overly full stomach churn. She knew exactly what he wanted to ask her. “Please don’t ask me.”
“Then don’t make me ask.”
“Why do you want to know? I’m sure Neil’s already told his version of the story.”
“Yes and something isn’t adding up,” said Colm. “We wanted to hear year your side.”
“Then what? You decide which story you like the best? I’m tired of people playing tug of war with me. I don’t want you to have to chose who you believe.”
“Why wouldn’t we believe you?” asked Ryan.
“Because I truly doubt that what Neil told you will mesh with my story.”
“Please, Freddie...tell us what’s going on,” said Keith. She turned to meet his gaze and was surprised at the emotions in his eyes. “This isn’t going to be his story versus her story. We just want to know what’s wrong. We’re worried about you...I’m worried about you.” Carefully he took her shaking hands in his. “Please...”
Freddie closed her eyes for a long time as she struggled with her emotions. The band members said that they supported her but she knew they would rally around Nicole if it came to that. Keith was claiming that the lads would support her as well but she knew it wasn’t true. If they had to choose which story to believe they would believe Neil’s. Freddie was an outsider and she knew that no matter how awful her tale was she was going to be on the losing side.
After several moments fighting with herself she finally made her choice. She didn’t care anymore. No one had to believe her and certainly no one had to like her, she could always stay on the production bus if she had to. Just two and a half months and she would be gone. She had survived for years being surrounded by people who hated her, she could make it a few months without a problem.
Folding her hands in her lap she began to tell her story for the second time in as many days. She refused to meet anyone’s eyes and tried to keep all of the emotions out of her voice. After she finished the table was silent and without waiting for a reaction she grabbed her coat and walked away, praying that no one would come after her.
She should have stayed to let the lads ask questions and to talk like she had with the band but she was too tired. She was exhausted by her emotions and just wanted the rollercoaster that she was on to stop so she could get off.
Blinking back angry tears Freddie tried to watch her step as she headed back towards the bus. She felt betrayed, she had believed that the lads had just wanted to spend some time with her. Instead they had backed her into a corner until she told her tale. At the same time she felt stupid, she should have seen through their deception. No one was ever kind to her for no reason. She had grown up knowing that everything came at a price, why should her dream job be any different?
Freddie was the first one back to the bus but she wasn’t surprised, it was still fairly early. After getting changed she turned off her phone, which hadn’t stopped vibrating for the past fifteen minutes, and closed her eyes. Feeling the steady rumble of the bus’ engine she let herself go. She stopped caring if people believed her, she stopped caring if people liked her. Taking a deep breath she released the demons that she had been fighting for over half of her life and allowed the darkness to consume her.
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mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
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Post by mkk59 on Jan 7, 2014 22:21:02 GMT -5
Oh no! I can't help but feel for Freddie. Maybe its that I've been there. The poor girl can't let this consume her. Nothing good lies in that darkness. Great job Onyx! Beautifully done!
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Post by celticbear on Jan 7, 2014 23:19:49 GMT -5
This was filled with all kinds of revelations! Can't wait to see how this story ends!
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Post by onyxfyrefly on Jan 11, 2014 15:38:38 GMT -5
The next morning everyone was a little rough around the edges as they headed into the arena. Most of the cast and crew had stayed out late partying and were paying dearly for their fun.
Even though he was exhausted Ryan dragged himself out of bed and loitered around so he could run with Freddie. He hated that he hadn’t gone after her the night before but he had been too shocked by her words to react. When she refused to answer her phone he knew that he had to see her before their day began. He doubted that she would talk to him but this way he could try and judge her mood.
Luckily Freddie was a creature of habit and a few minutes later he glimpsed her stepping down from the bus. “Want some company?” he asked. She shrugged and strapped her iPod to her arm then took off.
Her pace was a little faster than usual but Ryan was taller so he could easily keep up. The only thing Ryan could tell from her run was that her music was loud, so loud that he could hear it through his own headphones during the lull between songs. Aside from that she seemed to be fine.
When they hit four miles she didn’t even pause and Ryan decided to see how far she would go before turning around. Finally at the five mile point he tapped her shoulder. “We’ve gone five miles already, don’t you think we should head back?”
“You can go back if you want, I’ve still got a few more miles in me.”
Without waiting for a response Freddie turned and ran off. Part of Ryan wanted to follow her and make sure that she was alright, with her music so loud he knew there was no way she could hear anything else around her, but he had to get back to the bus. Shaking his head he turned away and said a silent prayer that she would stay safe.
Glancing across the empty venue Ryan spotted Freddie with her guitar case in hand. He jogged over and fell into step with her. “How was the run?”
“Fine.”
“How far did you end up going?”
“Ummm...I think it was about twelve miles total. I would have gone further but I didn’t know if I’d be able to find my way back.”
Ryan’s eyes widened. “Wow, that’s impressive. I’d need a nap after that.” Freddie just shrugged then called out to Josiah, leaving the singer behind her.
The mood was tense all day. No one knew how to deal with their newfound knowledge nor did they know how to cope with the confusion they felt. Against their will people were often caught staring at Neil or Freddie then would attempt to look away quickly. This infuriated Neil who snapped at everyone including Nicole until he nearly brought the young woman to tears. At that point Emmet and Colm had led him off to play football, hoping the physical activity would burn off some of his frustration.
Freddie on the other hand acted like nothing was amiss. She interacted with those around her when she had to but kept her distance and her silence. She would speak when spoken to and do any task asked of her but aside from what was necessary she completely closed herself off. She had a particularly useful skill of being able to disappear within a crowd and was happy to spend her day in the shadows.
Not long after lunch Freddie found an empty dressing room, tied a black bandanna to the doorknob and dug out her cell phone. “Come on, pick up,” she muttered as the other line rang and rang.
“Hello?”
“Is your arm better yet?”
Dave chuckled. “Well hello to you too, Freddie.”
The young woman wasn’t amused. “I’m serious, is your arm better yet?”
“The physical therapist says I’m coming along but my hand still isn’t strong enough to even form chords. Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’m about five minutes away from quitting my job.”
Even over the phone Freddie could practically hear Dave’s jaw drop. “What are you talking about? Freddie, what on earth is going on?”
Quickly she gave him the abridged version of the past few days’ events. Telling him how Neil recognized her and confronted her, then the band dragging the story out of her, and how the singers lured her out to hear her side of the story when they realized Neil’s didn’t sound right.
“Now everyone is walking on freaking eggshells, Neil almost made Nicole cry, and if one more person asks me if I’m okay I will no longer be responsible for my actions.” She sighed and paced the small room. “And this is only the first few days. Everyone is absolutely miserable and we still have over two months to go. I can’t stay here knowing that this mess is all my fault.”
“Calm down, take a deep breath,” said Dave. His mind was racing as he tried to put all of the pieces together. “How is this your fault?”
“I should have done my research before the audition then I would have recognized Neil and not shown up. Now everything is falling apart and I’m surrounded by people who hate me.”
“Okay, first of all you were a godsend. Do you know how many people we auditioned for this part? It was getting to the point where Sharon was going to have to make Neil do double duty as a singer and a guitarist again.”
“Maybe she should have,” Freddie mumbled while sitting on the edge of the makeup counter.
“Don’t talk like that. You’re a brilliant guitarist and earned this position. I think everything happens for a reason.”
The young woman snorted. “And what reason did I have for getting this gig? So I could be tormented by the memories of the person that nearly pushed me over the edge? So I could throw a massive wrench into this situation? So I could make people second guess and even turn on each other? Yeah, that’s one hech of a reason, Davie.”
Dave sighed as he tried to calm his emotions. “Is it really that bad?”
“Yes. Everyone is so awkward around each other. No one can decide who to trust and whose story to believe. It’s awful.”
Dave fell silent, he didn’t know what to say to make this situation better for Freddie and it broke his heart to feel so useless. Finally he spoke but chose his words very carefully. “I’m going to ask you a question but you can’t freak out on me.”
“Ummm...okay.”
“Are you making this up?”
The young woman’s temper flared and she struggled to contain her emotions. “No.”
“Are you exaggerating at all?”
“No.”
“If I was there you could look me in the eye and swear that everything happened exactly the way you said it did?”
“Yes.”
“You know I had to ask.”
“I know but it doesn’t matter, no one is going to believe me anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on. Who are you going to believe? Some random girl who starts telling these crazy stories or are you going to believe someone that you’ve known for years who has a track record as the kindest person on the planet?”
Once more Dave fell silent and the pause was so long that Freddie thought the connection had been lost. “Are you still there?” asked the young woman.
“Yeah, I’m here. I just...I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to fix this.”
“I know. I didn’t expect you to fix any of this, I just needed to rant.”
“I understand and you have every right to feel that way. I have to run, I need to get to physical therapy, but if you ever need to talk please don’t hesitate to call me. I don’t care what time it is, you call me.”
“Okay.”
“Please take care of yourself, Freddie.”
“I’ll try and you listen to your doctors and do exactly as they say, I know that Keith would love to have you with him for his solo gigs after the tour is finished.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be quite there yet but I’ll do my best. Bye, Freddie.”
“Bye, Dave.”
After hanging up the guitarist let out a long sigh. Part of her had hoped that Dave would have the solution, that he would know exactly what to say or do to make things better. Instead she had given him one more thing to worry about and probably raising his stress level by several degrees.
“Let’s see who else’s day I can ruin,” she whispered to no one as she silently slipped out of the dressing room and headed back into the chaos.
-------------------------------------------
After the show Freddie hung around to meet with Josiah. “How’s Jazz?” she asked the guitar technician. Jazz was the nickname of the Takamine acoustic guitar that she preferred to play for the show. It hadn’t felt right and during the break she had ended up switching guitars.
The young man sent her a smile. “It’s not as bad as we thought. The fourth string is nearly frayed through, there must have been a weak spot there all along. It just needs to be restrung and she’ll be good as new. I can do it when we get to the venue tomorrow if you want.”
Freddie shook her head. “That’s okay I’ll do it. Thank you for checking it out, I just didn’t have time today.”
The young man carefully packed away the instrument. “Not a problem. Let me know how she feels with a new string. If it still doesn’t feel right I might have to dig a little deeper.”
“Will do.” Picking up her guitar case Freddie headed out towards the buses. She knew that a few of the lads were signing autographs in the lobby but she hated staying behind, it was silly and childish but she felt like she shouldn’t be wandering around the nearly deserted area backstage.
In her haste she didn’t hear the voices ahead and as she came around a corner she slammed directly into Neil causing the cherry red sports drink he was carrying to spill down the front of his pristine white shirt.
“Neil...I’m so sorry!”
“Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” the singer growled while picking at his stained shirt.
“I’m sorry, I was rushing and didn’t see you.”
Neil shook his head in disgust. “This is why no one ever liked you. You were always so wrapped up in yourself that you never paid any attention to what was going on around you. I see that lovely little trait hasn’t changed.”
“Calm down, lad,” said George. “It was an accident. Let’s see if Candace is still here, I’m sure she has something to get that stain out.”
As the Scotsman led the irate singer away Ryan turned to make sure that Freddie was alright but the young woman was gone. Shaking his head he followed his companions and wondered how they were all going to make it over the next few months.
Freddie climbed onto the bus in a daze. Her vision was swimming and she wasn’t quite sure how she made it to the bus. All she could hear was Neil’s harsh voice and felt the heat of his gaze as he glared at her.
“Are you alright?”
The guitarist wasn’t quite sure who had said the words, the speaker seemed so far away and it was hard to see as the room was growing dim around her.
She felt someone take her guitar case and bag while someone else led her over to one of the couches. “Put your head down and breathe,” demanded a voice and she did as it said, forcing herself to take slow, deep breaths until she was calm.
Opening her eyes she met Declan’s concerned set. The drummer was crouched in front of her with one hand wrapped around her wrist, measuring her pulse. “Why didn’t you tell us that you have panic attacks?”
“Declan, I have panic attacks.”
He rolled his eyes and tucked her hair behind her ears. “What happened?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Freddie, I meant what I said the other night. I’m willing to stand by you no matter what but you have to let us in, you have to trust us.”
The guitarist sighed and closed her eyes. “I literally ran into Neil and made him spill his drink all over his shirt. He yelled at me and I panicked. It’s stupid I know.”
Even though she wasn’t sure that her legs would support her she stood. “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to fight this battle for me, you don’t have to choose a side, just let me be.”
“But Freddie, we want to help you,” said Seana.
“Thank you but I can do this on my own. You’ll just get hurt the longer you’re around me. Just forget what I said and go back to the way things were last week.”
“You know that’s impossible,” said the harpist.
“Nothing’s impossible. You have to do it for the sake of the group.”
“Freddie, what are you talking about?” asked Nicole.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You guys can’t walk on eggshells around Neil. He’s a frontman and doesn’t need a ghost from his past mucking things up. Please...just forget that I said anything, forget about me. Lend your strength to someone who matters.”
The guitarist knew that she was hurting those who had offered to help her but she knew it was necessary. “I made a mistake telling you about my past. Actually, I made a mistake taking this job but since I can’t quit I can try and fix my mistakes. So forget about the past few days and let’s just finish this tour before the whole thing falls apart.”
Taking a deep breath to hold her emotions in Freddie slipped into the back to get changed, leaving a group of confused and heartbroken musicians in her wake. A few minutes later she emerged from the back but was carrying an overnight bag.
“Where are you going?” asked Laura as she watched Freddie sling her backpack over her shoulder and pick up her guitar case.
“I’m going to stay on the production bus for the night.”
“But that bus is packed to the gills, there’s no extra bunks.”
The guitarist shrugged. “I can sleep on the couch. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
Without another word she was gone and a few minutes later the bus lurched forward as they headed towards their next destination.
The band members simply stood and stared at each other. No one knew how to make this situation better. It was impossible to forget about Freddie’s story and even though the young woman had urged them to stand by Neil it was getting more and more difficult to do so. In just a few days’ time he had transformed into a stranger before their very eyes and they wondered if they’d ever see the old Neil again and if they did would they lose Freddie in the process?
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Neil pulled the curtain closed on his bunk and tried to get comfortable but it was impossible, his head was spinning and he was filled with so many emotions that he felt sick. He checked his phone once more and sighed. He had sent Nicole a text earlier but he still hadn’t received a reply. She hadn’t spoken to him since their spat at lunch and he just wanted some time alone with her so he could apologize.
This mess was all Freddie’s fault. He thought he’d left that nightmare in the past, dark memories of a time that he wished he could erase from history’s pages. Then out of no where this girl shows up, starts whining like a kicked puppy, and making the people closest to him question his every move.
Closing his eyes he still remembered the first time that he saw her. He was thirteen and school had already been in session for about two or three weeks when the principal knocked on the door. He had a new student in tow and Neil couldn’t keep himself from laughing. She was short and extremely overweight but tried to hide it with baggy clothes. To make matters worse she had on thick glasses and when she spoke two rows of braces sparkled in the light. To top things off she had dark skin, even darker hair, and a funny accent which clashed with the brogues of his classmates. She was a walking cliche and no one could blame Neil when her books “accidentally” fell off of her desk on that very first day.
At first it had started off as a joke, he and his friends always picked on the new kids but soon simple pranks weren’t enough. Within the group that Neil hung out with he was the smallest and therefore he had to be the meanest. He couldn’t use his height or his strength to intimidate anyone so he resorted to using his quick wit and attitude. If he ever hesitated or second guessed anyone his so called friends would turn their taunts on him so he just went with the flow. The power he felt was intoxicating and before he knew it he was hooked. He was constantly looking for a new way to show those around him how tough he was and dared anyone to cross him.
Freddie was the perfect target. She was an outsider and she was new. Also, she was weak. If someone ever fought back Neil and his friends would back off but Freddie was so shy and insecure that she would just sit there and take it. She was the representation of everything that Neil hated about himself so he made a vow to destroy it, never really realizing that he was destroying another person’s life in the process.
Part of him knew that what he was doing was wrong, this wasn’t a game and Freddie really was getting hurt, but the other part of him didn’t care. He’d been picked on and teased as a child and now it was his turn to take the power back. There were times when he nearly lost that power. Freddie was an incredible guitarist and he was absolutely mortified when she got the role of lead guitarist for the school’s production of ‘Carmen’. After that he had started a vicious rumor that she had only gotten the role because she had provided the music teacher with several “favors”. On top of her musical skills she was also brilliant, she always scored the highest on exams and was at the top of the class. Neil proceeded to turn her brilliance against her until she was ashamed of her success.
For four years he became an unrecognizable monster, using each day as an opportunity to think of new ways to humiliate Freddie. After awhile he forgot why he was doing it, pretty soon it was second nature to him. When he looked in the mirror he didn’t recognize the young man staring back but he didn’t care. For the first time he was popular and when he walked down the hall people never dared shove him or call him names. Not once in those years did he realize that the person he had become was the person that he had feared earlier in his life.
After four years Freddie moved away and so did most of his friends. Neil then realized that he had an opportunity to begin anew. He didn’t have to worry about being bullied or maintaining the image that he had carefully constructed. It wasn’t easy but he started over and chose a new path. He poured himself into his music and tried to go above and beyond for those around him. His new friends were only those who would appreciate him for what he was and would never force him to change just to uphold a particular image.
Then Freddie showed up and threatened to bring it all crashing down. Part of him wanted to apologize for everything that he put her through but that would mean that he would have to admit how horrible things really were. Even during his school days he knew he was taking things too far but he couldn’t make himself stop. But to hear Freddie talk about her misery, to hear her say that she nearly took her own life because of him...it was all too much.
Rolling over to find a more comfortable Neil suddenly realized that he didn’t know how to be nice to Freddie. Even before he recognized her she had never let him get close and now she was running scared. The easiest solution would be to steal her away and just apologize, he knew he couldn’t heal the wounds of the past but he could try. At the same time he didn’t want to apologize. Freddie was the epitome of everything that he hated about himself and in his eyes she didn’t deserve an apology. When he looked at her he didn’t see a frightened young woman, he saw himself twenty years younger trying to prove himself through pain and power.
No, he wasn’t going to apologize to Freddie. Yes, he had bullied and teased her but that was a lifetime ago. He was just a kid trying to find his way in the world. He had made plenty of mistakes but he had learned and grown from them. If Freddie couldn’t move beyond the pain of her past that was her problem, not his. Neil wasn’t going to just sit idly by and continue to be punished for his the errors of his youth. He wasn’t sure how but he was going to find a way to make this pain go away.
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