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Post by fallingn2ct on Jan 10, 2014 10:09:08 GMT -5
This was inspired by the song "Say Something" as sung by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera More to come!
She watched his eye lids as they fluttered in sleep, his chest rising and falling with each breath. The way his freshly showered hair fell across his brow. She stood, staring at the man she was supposed to spend her life with and yet all she felt was the space between them. A tear escaped her lashes as she pulled on a sweater and slipped out into the living room. A piano sat in the corner, guitars gleamed in the moon light that washed over the room.
As she started the tea pot her mind went back to the first time she had seen him.
Julie served her patron at the bar and smiled, thanking them for the tip. She wiped the now vacant space as a new customer sat down,"Hey there!", she said brightly.
"Hi", he said with a smile,"Can I get a whiskey straight?"
"Sure", she reached for a glass and the bottle,"Here you go, my name's Julie if you need anything else."
"Nice to meet you", he gave her a wink.
The light blue of his eyes almost made her shiver as she went to check on the others at the bar. As she worked, she could feel his eyes on her. She took a moment a glanced over her shoulder, he saw and gave a slight nod of his head. She felt the heat in her face and went back to her work.
Ryan was immediately taken with the bar tender. Hair as black as a raven's wing, eyes the color of a blue sky on a cloudless day. She moved with precision and ease around to each patron. Her body was long and lean as she reached for bottles and poured cocktails. He wanted to talk to her.
"Another whiskey?", Julie said drying a glass and placing it in a rack.
"Only if you'll have one with me."
"I'm on the job", she laughed.
Her laugh was musical and her eyes danced,"I'm sure it's not that big of a deal."
"Maybe not to you, but to my boss it is."
"Do you work all night?"
"Forward of you", she grinned.
"I learned something valuable a few years ago. Life is too short and you have to take chances."
"I see", she capped a bottle and took the small towel from her shoulder,"I'm off about two."
"Guess I'll settle in for another", he handed her the glass and held her gaze as their fingers touched.
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Post by onyxfyrefly on Jan 10, 2014 10:29:33 GMT -5
Yay! Another Fall story!
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Post by fallingn2ct on Jan 10, 2014 11:19:13 GMT -5
Julie startled as the tea kettle began to whistle loudly. Her eyes were sore from lack of sleep and the tears that wouldn't seem to stop. She mechanically went through the motions of making the mug of tea.
"Jules?" Ryan said scrubbing a hand through his hair.
"I didn't mean to wake you", she turned away quickly,"I couldn't sleep."
"Bleedin' tea kettle woke me".
"Yeah, said I was sorry", she moved past him. She stared out the window allowing the heat from the mug to course through her hands. The warmth meant life.
"Are you okay?", he asked carefully.
"Fine", she answered sipping the steaming liquid, almost enjoying the way it scalded her throat.
"Talk to me", he rested a hand against her hip.
"Don't, please", she moved away from him.
"Julie, you can't keep doing this. We have to talk about it."
"Ryan, I can't!" she felt the fresh wave of tears building.
"I'm trying, I really am."
"Are you? Because all I see is you disappearing behind a guitar or a piano. When I need you, you just disappear and that's how you've dealt with it."
"That's not fair."
"Life's not fair! Guess we figured that out already", she shook her head,"I can't do this, I can't"
Ryan sighed as she walked away to the opposite side of the house. The side that held the room, he felt his stomach roll at the thought of what that room held.
He wanted to remember the happy times, to have them back. To see her smiling at him, singing along to one of the old songs he would play.
It had been nearly a year since he had first laid eyes on Julie Bowman at a bar in Boston. In that year he had been back to Boston and she had made a trip to Ireland. They could barely stand the time a part. They had both fallen fast and fallen hard.
They strolled through the park on a brisk autumn day, hand in hand. A comfortable silence surrounded them,"What are you thinking about?" he asked
"I don't know", she shrugged,"I'm just enjoying being here with you. Before you leave me again."
"Ouch", he laughed,"I have been thinking, we shouldn't be a part so much."
"What are you thinking?", she stopped and studied the sweet blue eyes.
"I was thinking,"he wrapped his arms around her,"That maybe, we could get married and maybe we could go ahead and move in together. I mean when I'm here we practically live together anyway."
"Ryan Kelly, are you asking me to marry you?"
"Yeah", he gave her a crooked smile,"Guess I am!"
"How romantic", she laughed as their lips met.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes", she murmured against his lips,"Yes."
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Post by celticbear on Jan 10, 2014 19:10:32 GMT -5
Great start Fall! I have a hunch they lost a baby and neither one of them is dealing with the lost very well.
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mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
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Post by mkk59 on Jan 12, 2014 0:03:01 GMT -5
Yay! Love this already!
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Post by fallingn2ct on Jan 13, 2014 11:38:25 GMT -5
She gazed at the empty crib, never slept in, toys that had never been touched, the rocking chair that had yet to rock. The sob clawed at the back of her throat as she held the small, blue onesie in her hands. Running her fingertips over the material.
He was supposed to be there, she wasn't supposed to be sitting in the middle of the unused nursery without a bundle in her arms. At three in the morning she should be feeding him or watching him sleep and instead there was emptiness. The emptiness of a room once filled with so many hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams shattered like glass, splintered and broken. Never to be put together again. She pulled her knees to her chest willing the pain away, wishing the hollowness away.
"Julie", Ryan said gently.
"How did we lose him?", she felt her voice thick in her throat,"What did I do that was wrong?"
"You didn't do anything wrong", he stepped carefully over the threshold, the blood going cold in his veins as the memories of nine months rushed through his mind.
"I had to have done something, Ryan! Babies don't just die, it doesn't happen!"
"Yes it does", he knelt in front of her,"Even the doctor said it happens."
She buried her head against her arm,"He should be here", she sobbed.
"Jules", he said pulling her against his chest,"We don't have to be alone in this."
"But I have been alone, you act like everything is fine and just go on", she cried, she curled her fingers into the material of his shirt.
"Because I don't know how to do this", he said against her ear. He could feel the hot tears soak into his shoulder. And it was the truth. he didn't know how to deal with the loss his son. The fact that his wife had to bare a child that was lifeless and no matter any effort, he was gone.
"You think I do?", she pulled away from him,"How do I deal with the fact that our son is dead? That I carried him for nine months and then he was gone! Do you honestly think I know how to deal with it? I need my husband, my best friend. But every time, Ryan", she pressed her palms against wet cheeks,"Every time I turn to you, you're too busy. There is someone else who needs you or a gig to play. When is it my turn?"
"I leave because I can't stand it here", he sighed,"All of our memories, the waiting and hoping for our baby to come. Now he's gone and we're still here! Stuck in this proverbial whirl pool."
His words sliced her like a knife to the soul,"You can't stand it here? Then why are you still here?"
"Because I love you! Because I want my wife back!"
"I will never be who I was before", she shook her head,"If that's what you want then go."
"Jules", he stepped towards her.
"Go!", she screamed feeling the burn in her throat.
Ryan held up his hands in defeat and left the room. His own eyes welled with tears and a feeling of helplessness sinking into his mind. He remembered when they found out that she was pregnant.
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mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
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Post by mkk59 on Jan 13, 2014 12:07:40 GMT -5
Great update! I want more! Lol
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Post by barbt on Jan 13, 2014 18:15:36 GMT -5
I've been somewhere very similar, although I lost my child at 8 weeks gestation. It's got to be even worse with a stillbirth.
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Post by celticbear on Jan 14, 2014 23:21:15 GMT -5
Poor Ryan and Julie! I don't want them to get a divorce! I hope this story has a happy ending.
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Post by fallingn2ct on Jan 15, 2014 9:35:21 GMT -5
Ryan placed his suitcase and guitar by the door, picking up the small stack of mail. He had just finished a small tour with one of his band mates and he had never been happier to see his home,"Jules?", he called.
"Ryan?", she came bouncing into the living room,"I didn't hear you come in!", she nearly launched herself into his arms.
"I missed you too", he laughed breathing her in. No matter how long or short a trip was, she was worth it all. The feel of her in his arms. Her dancing eyes, and the ever present scent of cherry blossoms. All of it was Julie, a bar tender he had met by accident and the woman he couldn't live without.
"I know you just got home, but I have something to tell you."
"Good news?", he followed her to the couch.
"I think it is", she grinned.
"Come on then! Tell me!"
"Well", she began as she pulled out a paper from a book,"I went to the doctor for a visit a few days ago."
"Is everything okay?"
"I just said it's good news", she took a deep breath,"In about six months, we're going to have a baby", she turned the piece of paper around to reveal a sonogram photo.
"What?", he took the photo and stared at the blob,"A baby?"
"A real baby!", she nodded.
"Jules! My God!", he took her in his arms, kissing her excitedly,"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I wanted to see your face."
"Wow!", he placed a hand against her stomach,"There's a baby in there."
"Sure is", she said softly as they savored the moment.
Ryan pushed the food around his plate, any attempt to eat was proving futile. His wife was vanishing before his eyes and he had no idea how to stop it. It had been almost two months since they lost their son. Christopher Michael Kelly, that was his name. He was born weighing 8 pounds and three ounces, nineteen inches long. But he wasn't really born, he had died in the womb. A blood clots had formed in his lungs and even if he had been born alive, he would have died shortly after.
The doctor had given Julie a choice between having the baby or having a cesarean section done. She had chosen to have a natural birth. It was something that she wanted to do, felt a need for. Ryan hadn't wanted her to go through the pain of the birth, but he knew how adamant she was. He had to keep his own emotions in check and support her. It had nearly broken him when they saw their son and held him in their arms. Even now, it was still a raw wound, pulsing, waiting to be re-opened, not yet fully healed.
He lost a part of Julie that day, a part that he didn't know would ever resurface. He knew that he hadn't been there the way that he should, but it all seemed so much. As if they were both waiting to be swallowed up by a black hole of grief. The only way he knew how to deal with it was with his music. He could escape when he played, sang, or even wrote a song. His new material was coming out different. It wasn't as happy any more and he wanted to go back. He needed something simpler and he found more of himself when he wasn't at home. Waiting for an answer that would never come, an understanding that would never be. But he also knew that he was losing Julie more and more each day.
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mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
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Post by mkk59 on Jan 15, 2014 12:08:08 GMT -5
My family has been through this. They lost a baby to a still birth. It's such a horrible thing to experience. They made it through. I hope Ryan and Jules do too!
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Post by celticbear on Jan 15, 2014 19:17:21 GMT -5
Poor Ryan! He can't loose Julie! These two need to sit down and really work this out!
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Post by fallingn2ct on Feb 28, 2014 14:55:58 GMT -5
Julie pulled her hair away from her face, twisting it into a bun. Taking a deep breath she pulled the pile of boxes into the nursery. This was the only way she could cope, she had to take everything away and start fresh. She had hoped that Ryan would be there when she made the decision, but she couldn't depend on whether or not he even came home any more.
She had been the one who told him to leave. She had said hurtful things to the one man that she loved more than anything. She had wanted him to hurt, she wanted him to feel the same pain that kept her up nights and caused nightmares. At first they had gone through the motions together, but then they had begun to drift. She had withdrawn herself and he had checked out with his music. At one time she had loved to sit and listen to him play; now it just seemed like a painful reminder of the life that they had known before.
Julie opened the drawers of the small dresser and removed the different shirts and onesies, she folded them carefully into the box. There were no tears now, just an emptiness. An emptiness that she would never be filled again. There may be more children, but none would be her first born. Wiping sweat from her brow, she turned to the crib and began removing the bedding and then took to disassembling it. This was closure, the breakdown and removal was cathartic and what she needed to move on.
"Jules?", Ryan said leaning against the door.
"Hey there", she said not looking up as she pulled the last piece of the crib away, leaning it against the wall.
"I would have helped you with this", he took in the sparse walls and packed boxes.
"Yeah, well you weren't here and I needed to do this."
"I don't want to fight again."
"Neither do I, Ryan", she dusted her hands on her jeans and looked at him,"You're the one who said that you couldn't stand it here, so I did it myself."
"You told me to leave!"
"I said that three days ago! You haven't called, you haven't sent me a text. I have had nothing but silence from you for three days. So I took it upon myself to clean out our son's room."
"What if there was something I wanted or needed to keep?"
"It's all in boxes", she gestured to the litter of cardboard throughout the room,"I needed closure, I needed to do this and whether or not you were here didn't make any difference."
He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face,"What's happening to us?"
She shrugged, holding a stuffed elephant in her hands and studying,"This has been hard on both of us and I think we have been blaming ourselves and each other."
He carefully took the stuffed toy from her and took her hands,"I don't want this to be us, Jules. We have always been able to talk and to work things out, but losing Christopher has changed us."
"It's not been for the better", she felt a tear escape her lashes.
He wrapped his arms around her, breathing her in and feeling her heart beat against his,"I can't lose you too."
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Post by celticbear on Feb 28, 2014 23:06:54 GMT -5
Well! It's about time Ryan and Julie get to the point where they can finally deal with the lost of Christopher as a couple and not keeping everything bottled inside!
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Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 22, 2014 8:04:01 GMT -5
The therapist's office smelled like vanilla and roses mingled together. The florescent lighting and heavy curtains blocked out the sun that peeped through periodically. Julie studied the different paintings on the wall, they were colorful and abstract.
It had been a few weeks since she had cleaned out Christopher's room and agreed to begin therapy. She and Ryan had couples therapy and they each had individual sessions. She didn't mind the couples portion, she loved Ryan and she wanted to make things work with him. The individual sessions were a different story. She couldn't stand the doctor's prying eyes and the pauses after every question. The constant "How did that make you feel?" drove her insane. She knew how it all made her feel and she didn't relish in feeling it all over again. But she endured it, every mind numbing moment of it. And she knew it made Ryan happy.
"Mrs. Kelly?", the receptionist called,"The doctor will see you now."
"Thanks", she stood with a sigh and pulled her purse onto her shoulder.
"Julie, how are you today?", the tall, lanky man with graying hair asked.
"Same as any other day I suppose." she sat on the couch opposite his chair. She crossed her legs and prepared herself.
"Last week we were talking about Ryan and his career."
"That's right." she watched as he set the timer on his desk and sat down with the yellow legal pad.
"Can you tell me how his career has impacted your reaction to the loss of Christopher?"
"We've talked about this during our couples therapy."
"Yes, but not about you as an individual."
She sighed and clasped her hands together,"I have felt very lost without Ryan. From the moment we started dating, he was always there. Whether with a phone call, text message, small gifts; any number of things. He was alway there. But when this whole thing happened, I feel like I lost a part of him."
"Have you told him about it?"
"Yes", she nodded,"In different ways and at different times. He knows."
And so it continued for the next hour. Rhetorical questions with rhetorical answers. When the time was up she was drained. Mentally and emotionally she was shut down. She wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for hours.
"Hey!", Ryan said with a smile as she opened the door.
"Hi", she smiled placing her keys and purse on the table.
"How was your session?"
"Peachy as usual", she took off her shoes and went to the kitchen. She uncorked a bottle of white wine and poured a glass.
"Anything I can help with?" he studied her as she polished off the glass and poured a second.
"No, it's fine," she sat on the couch curling her legs underneath her. "He wanted me to talk about you and your career and it's all the same all the time. I feel like there is no progress to it. I know how I feel, I know how our marriage is functioning. Why rehash it all?"
"I have started to feel that way too", he crossed his arms,"Do we stop going? I mean, I think the couples portion is working, but I'm not big on the other part."
"I say we need to be rebels", she laughed.
"I miss your laugh", he slid closer to her, taking the glass from her hand.
"Ryan", she shook her head.
"Julie, I miss you", he kissed her softly.
"I miss you", she barely mumbled as their lips met again.
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