mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
|
Post by mkk59 on Nov 18, 2012 10:18:02 GMT -5
Onyx, this is the most beautiful piece I've read in a very long time! I can't wait for more!!
|
|
|
Post by onyxfyrefly on Nov 19, 2012 11:18:28 GMT -5
Shane did not die.
After working for nearly ten agonizing minutes they were able to revive her and when the machines measuring her vital signs screamed back to life Emmet was sure he'd never heard anything so beautiful. He and Ryan were asked to leave early that day so that the staff could keep a close watch on her but they were back first thing in the morning.
Mary walked in with a smile at the two young men as she checked Shane's charts. "Mary, is she going to be alright?" asked Emmet.
The nurse tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head. "She's a fighter, I'll give you that but we did nearly lose her yesterday. Personally I think she'll pull through." She smiled at Emmet who was holding Shane's hand. "She has someone to fight for."
The tenor flushed slightly and leaned down a press a kiss to Shane's forehead as Mary continued on her rounds.
Five days later Ryan left with the promise to return as soon as he could and on the sixth day Neil reappeared.
"What are you doing here?" asked Emmet, his eyes widening in surprise when the guitarist walked into the room.
"I have some free time and I decided to spend it here. I can only stay a week though." He sat down across from the tenor and nodded towards Shane. "How is she?"
"Her injuries are healing well and surprisingly fast, even the doctors are surprised." In the three weeks she'd spent in the hospital her bruises were fading, her lip was nearly healed, her bones were mending well, all of her stitches had been removed, and her lung was to the point where she could breathe on her own. "Two days ago they changed the drugs to bring her out of the coma but it's a waiting game now." Emmet sighed and squeezed her hand. He failed to mention that there was a chance that she would never wake up and each time he thought of that his stomach twisted into painful knots.
"How are you doing?" asked Neil.
Emmet shrugged. "I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me, Em, how are you holding up?"
"How do you think I'm holding up?" he exclaimed then lowered his voice slightly. "The woman I love was beaten within an inch of her life and even the doctors don't think she'll recover. And if she does wake up who knows what type of damage has been done." He glared at Neil, his eyes flashing. "What would you do if it was Nicole?"
Neil held his hands up in defense. "Easy there. I'm just worried about you. I can't imagine what you're going through. I don't know what I'd do if I found Nic the way that you found Shane. I'd probably go mad." The guitarist met the tired eyes of his band mate and felt his heart break. "Is there anything that you need? Is there anything that I can do?"
"No, there's nothing that you can do but the fact that you're here means the world to me. Thank you."
"You shouldn't have to go through this alone and trust me, if the others could be here they would. Now I'm going to run downstairs and find something to eat and you are going to eat what I bring you, understand?"
"Yes mother," grumbled Emmet.
____________________________________________________
Three more days passed and there was still no change with Shane. Emmet was beginning to accept the fact that she would never wake up and was wondering how he was going to live his life without the vibrant young woman.
Neil had forced him to walk down the hall in order to stretch his legs and he took the time to come to terms with his current situation. He had received a message from Sharon the night before asking if he would be in Dublin in May for their rehearsals for the new show.
He had yet to reply because he didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave Shane alone with an ocean separating them while he was at rehearsals yet he didn't want to leave the group either. His heart was being torn in two directions and it made his head ache to consider the issue.
Walking back into the room, which he was beginning to hate, he sank into his chair with a sigh. Neil was currently telling Shane a story from one of the past tours and Emmet let his head rest on his hand as he listened to the steady rise and fall of his companion's voice. Without noticing his eyes began to close and for the first time in days he slept.
Emmet wasn't sure how long he slept but he was awakened by something brushing against his arm. He tried to shrug the touch off but it persisted and eventually he raised his head, trying to get his bearings. Neil was asleep in the other chair and the young man glanced around to see what was moving against his arm.
His eyes widened in shock when he realized that Shane's fingers were lightly brushing against his arm. The movement was nearly imperceptible but it was there. "Neil, wake up!" he hissed and immediately the dark eyes snapped open.
"What is it?"
"I…I think she's waking up."
The two men watched as the movement slowly traveled from her fingers, up her arm, and finally into her face. First her lips parted slightly and her eyes started to move quickly behind her eyelids. They held their breath as she struggled towards the surface for nearly twenty minutes.
Finally the dark eyes opened and slowly glanced around in an attempt to focus. Emmet felt a sob catch in his throat when her eyes met his. Her lips moved and he stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Don't try and talk yet." He grabbed a glass with a straw off of the side table and pressed it to her lips. "Small sips or you'll make yourself sick."
Once she had finished drinking she struggled to speak once more. It took every ounce of effort that she had but she managed to rasp out one word.
"Emmet."
The tenor's resolve crumbled and he let his head rest next to her torso as he sobbed into the thin blanket covering her. Shane managed to lift her good arm and gently stroked his hair in an attempt to comfort him.
"I thought I'd lost you," Emmet mumbled, his voice muffled by the blankets surrounding Shane.
"Shhh…" cooed the young woman. She turned her head and smiled slightly when she met Neil's eyes. The guitarist couldn't speak, he simply smiled and gently squeezed her shoulder while blinking back tears.
Eventually Emmet composed himself and raised his head, not believing that Shane was really looking back at him. He held her hand while Neil rang for the nurse. Mary rushed in and stopped in shock when she saw that Shane was awake. "Well I'll be…"
Shane's doctor was just steps behind her and he shook his head in disbelief but was smiling. He shooed the two young men away then leaned over the exhausted young woman. After a brief but thorough examination he stood to his full height. "Ms. Thompson I'm Dr. Glover. I'm going to ask you a few questions but if you don't know the answer that's okay."
He flipped through his chart and made a few notes before beginning. "Do you know what date it is?"
Shane shook her head. "The last date I remember is March 18th."
"It's April 10th."
The dark blue eyes widened. "What? What happened? What did he do to me?" The doctor began to explain to Shane her injuries and with each word it was obvious that she was becoming more and more distressed. Emmet reached over and took her hand in his and she squeezed back as tightly as she could stand it.
By the time the older man stopped talking Shane was trembling and her eyes were filled with unshed tears. Not wanting to upset the young woman further the doctor decided to finish his examination at a later time. Her blood pressure was rising and her heart rate was far too rapid.
"Calm down Ms. Thompson, everything is going to be alright." He injected something into her IV line and her vital signs began to regulate. "I'll be back tomorrow. For now get some rest."
Shane didn't want to sleep and she fought against the sedative but already she could feel it pulling her down. "Don't leave, please," she whispered.
Emmet hushed her and leaned close, his forehead resting against hers. "Don't worry, I'm here."
"Did they catch him?" Shane struggled to keep her eyes open.
"Yes, they caught him and he'll never see the outside of a prison again. He can't hurt you anymore."
The young woman whimpered and the tears she was holding back began to fall. "I don't want to sleep…I dream of him."
Emmet swallowed hard and used his thumb to brush her tears away. "Dream of me instead."
The blue eyes lost focus and slipped closed as the drugs forced Shane's body to relax. Emmet waited until she was still then smoothed her blankets before standing. Neil clapped him on the shoulder as they headed down the hall towards their temporary home. Neither one spoke, they both had a lot on their minds.
As they walked Neil looked over at the younger man and noticed he was smiling slightly. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"I just can't believe it. I mean…I knew she was going to be okay, she's a fighter but when she opened her eyes…"
"I know, it was incredible." Suddenly Neil stopped and took Emmet by the shoulders. "You know what this means, right?"
"What?"
"You're going to have to start from scratch. She thought she was safe, that the monster from her nightmares was gone then that monster showed up at her door and nearly killed her. Are you ready to stand by her side and help her because if you're not you better walk away now."
Emmet looked into the dark brown eyes of his friend and was surprised at the intensity he saw there. "I've never given up on Shane. There were times when she told me to walk away but I refused. I won't start now."
Neil searched his friend's face then nodded. "Good. Now come on, I think you deserve a beer."
____________________________________________________
Emmet quickly discovered that Shane was the most stubborn person he had ever met. From the moment she woke up the next day she complained about wanting to go home. The momentary affection from the night before was gone and when she wasn't sleeping she was sulking. She hated feeling like a lab rat and was sick of the drugs that made her brain feel like it was full of sand. Eventually Mary lowered the dosage and the two singers were shocked that she never once complained of any pain even though he knew she had to be hurting.
"Please, isn't there something you can do? I'm fine, I just want to go home."
Emmet sighed and Neil turned his head to hide his smile. "Shane, listen to me. You have been in a coma for three weeks. You have a laundry list of injuries. You nearly died."
"But I didn't die and now I just want to go home."
The tenor ran a hand through his hair and sat back in his chair. Neil slipped into the hall to take a phone call and Emmet mouthed the word 'traitor' as he walked by. "You heard the doctors, it'll be two weeks at the earliest. You're still healing."
"Can I at least have my backpack?"
"I guess so, why?"
"So I can get some work done."
Throwing his hands up Emmet stalked out of the room. Twenty minutes later he returned with Shane's backpack and carefully sat it down next to her.
The techie's eyes went distant for a moment as she ran her hand over the surface of the backpack. It was still stained here and there with her blood and even though Emmet had tried to clean it up there were still traces that remained.
Shaking off the memories she started to dig through the pack and carefully extracted her laptop. It took a few minutes but Shane was able to set up her laptop and notebook. It was awkward to type with one hand but it kept her distracted and busy.
"I…um…I thought Jason tore up your notebook."
"Just one of them. It was new and I'd only used a couple of pages. My work book and sketchbook were in here."
Emmet watched her work for several minutes then went to join Neil in the hall. The guitarist led him away from Shane's door and raised an eyebrow. "So how did it go?"
The younger man sighed and leaned against the wall. "For three weeks I prayed that she would wake up but to be honest I preferred it when she was out cold."
Neil couldn't help but laugh. "You don't mean that."
"No I don't but I don't understand why she is acting like this. Like she doesn't care that we nearly lost her. How can she just act like nothing happened?"
"Because she's scared. Em, you know her better than any of us. What does she do when she's scared?"
"She pushes everyone away. She hides." Emmet let his head fall back. "That's why she wants to go home. She's too exposed here. She wants to run and she can't." He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "Now what?"
Neil shrugged. "Just keep doing what you've been doing. Stay by her side if she wants, leave her alone if that's what she wants. Shane deals with things in her own way and you're going to just have to ride out the storm."
Emmet nodded and headed back into Shane's room where she was furiously typing. He sank into the chair and was promptly ignored by the young woman. Picking up his forgotten book he settled down to wait, he knew that a long road was ahead of them and he was determined that Shane wouldn't have to walk it alone.
____________________________________________________
Two days later Neil left and Shane surprised the guitarist by sitting up and squeezing one of his hands slightly. "Thank you, Neil."
"You're welcome and try to take it easy on Em, okay?" She nodded and settled back against the pillows as Neil said his goodbyes to Emmet.
The young woman closed her eyes and tired to ignore the soft rise and fall of Emmet's voice as he spoke to Neil. She wished he would just leave her alone so she could heal. His very presence had her on edge. He stirred up feelings that she didn't want, feelings that she was sure Jason had destroyed. She heard him come back into the room and sit at her side but she kept her eyes closed and pretended to sleep.
It was another four days before Shane said more than two words to Emmet. She was working on her laptop and her voice made the tenor jump.
"Emmet?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why aren't you back in Ireland?"
Looking up from the book he was pretending to read, Emmet met the confused blue eyes. "What?"
"Why aren't you back home? You have rehearsals for Atlantic City and the new show soon."
"How do you know that?"
Shane nodded at her laptop. "Sharon said you haven't been returning her messages so she wanted me to ask you if you'll be there for rehearsals in two weeks."
Emmet suddenly wanted to throttle his producer. "I don't know. I can't just leave you here, Shane."
"Yes you can."
"No I can't," he replied with a shake of his dark head. "I found you that night in a pool of your own blood, I sat by your side every minute of every day until you opened your eyes. I can't just get up and walk away now."
"Yes you can, you have to. I will not let you throw your career away."
"I'm not throwing anything away. We all have choices in life…this is my choice."
Shane ran a hand through her hair then tried to hide the wince the action caused. "No. I will not let you do this. You have to go to those rehearsals, choosing me would be a mistake. Trust me, you'll regret it eventually."
"Why are you doing this?" Emmet's brow furrowed in confusion. "I know you're hurting and you're scared but why are you pushing me away like this?"
"Because I'm not worth it."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not worth your time and energy, Emmet. Just go back to Ireland and leave me in peace."
"Shane, look at me." The young woman refused to move and he sighed. "You are worth it. You're worth the world to me and I will do anything to show you how much you mean to me."
"If I mean that much to you then you will get on a plane and go home."
Emmet felt a wave of emotion that made him ill and it took him a few minutes to find his voice. "I don't know what Jason said to you that night but he was wrong. You are a beautiful, smart, talented young woman who deserves everything this life can give and then some."
Shane was sitting up but turned her head away so Emmet couldn't see her face. "Listen to me. Jason is gone and will never hurt you again. Just let me help you, let me show you how to live without the shadow of that monster looming over you."
"Jason will never be gone. He was right, I'm his and I will always belong to him."
"But he's in prison without a chance of parole!"
Shane shrugged slightly. "It doesn't matter. He got out once and he'll do it again. I'll never be free of him."
Emmet sat down on the edge of her bed and she closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at him. "You'll never be free of him if you keep thinking like that. Yes, there was a loophole in the system but trust me Raquel and Sharon have explored every avenue and there is no way he'll ever get out again." He reached for Shane's hand but she pulled away. "Please, just let me help you. I know you can get through this if you'd just try."
The dark blue eyes flew open and narrowed dangerously. "Do you think I'm not trying? Do you think I like waking up screaming every night? Do you think I enjoy being this miserable all of the time?"
"Shane, that's not what I meant…"
"I know exactly what you meant. Let me tell you this. I am not some damsel in distress that needs a knight in shining armor to rush in and save me. I've been taking care of myself my entire life. I don't need your help. I don't want your help. Now get out of my room."
Despite the harsh words Emmet stood his ground. "No, I'm not leaving. I'm not going to let you go through this alone. I don't care how much you hate me. I'm staying."
Shane let out a sigh that seemed to deflate her. Her head hung forward and she wrapped her good arm around her torso. "I don't hate you."
"Then why are you acting like this?"
"Because I can't do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"Any of this. I can't string you along anymore. I don't want to hurt you, Emmet, and the longer you stay the more it will hurt in the end."
The tenor swallowed hard. "I don't believe that. Don't you remember when we'd just sit backstage while you were drawing? Or when you took me up into the rigs?" He glanced around and lowered his voice. "Don't you remember that night after the QVC taping? You were happy Shane. I know you'd never admit it but you were happy."
Shane nodded and tried to make herself as small as possible. "You're right, I was happy but that happiness is gone. It died that night and I will never get it back."
"Of course you can. Let me help you and I know we can get your happiness back."
"I may be happy again but I can never be happy with you. What we had, whatever it was, is gone."
"What? Why? What did I do?"
Shane turned and met Emmet's eyes, feeling her stomach clench when she saw the pain and sadness reflected in the hazel orbs. "You didn't do anything. It's just…it hurts to be with you. It hurts just to look at you."
Emmet felt like he'd been punched in the gut and felt all of the air rush out of his lungs. "I thought we were friends. Forget everything else that happened between us and let's just go back to being friends. Would it hurt so much then?"
The young woman played with the cast on her wrist nervously. "I can never forget what happened between us. That's why it hurts so much. When I see you there's this ache in my chest and I don't need anymore pain in my life." Her eyes closed as she bowed her head. "Please, Emmet, go. Just go and forget about me."
Part of him wanted to stay but he could see how upset Shane was and didn't want to cause her any further distress. He stood then paused and let his hand rest on her shoulder. "I love you, Shane. No matter what happens, remember that I love you."
As Emmet walked away he failed to see the two silver tracks streaking Shane's face.
____________________________________________________
The next morning when Emmet arrived at the hospital Shane's room was empty. He stopped Mary in the hall and nodded towards the vacant room. "Where's Shane?"
"She checked herself out this morning against doctor's orders."
"What? She's still so weak. Couldn't you have stopped her?"
"Ms. Thompson is 24 years old, she wanted to leave and legally we could not keep her here."
"Did she say where she was going?"
The nurse shook her head. "No and her charts don't have a home address. Why didn't she call you so you could pick her up?" The nurse had watched the young man dutifully stay by Shane's side for nearly a month and was surprised that he hadn't been there when she had checked herself out.
Emmet's stomach rolled and it took him a moment to respond. "I don't know. I'll give her a call and make sure she's settling in alright."
Mary nodded and headed back down the hall to finish her rounds while Emmet sank into the chair next to Shane's empty bed. He knew she had sold her apartment last summer before the tour began and just stayed with friends during the breaks. He had no idea where she could have gone and no way of finding her. Sure, he could call her but he doubted that she would answer his calls.
She was gone.
After sitting for what seemed like hours he walked outside and inhaled the early morning air. Pulling out his cell phone he dialed a familiar number, feeling his heart break with the push of each button.
"Sharon? I'm on my way home. What time should I be there for rehearsals?"
|
|
|
Post by HburgEagle44 on Nov 19, 2012 11:54:12 GMT -5
Oh so sad... Poor Emmet!... Poor Shane... Update soon. She has to realize that he's not going to hurt her...
|
|
|
Post by celticbear on Nov 19, 2012 20:01:14 GMT -5
Poor Emmet! I hate what Jason has done to Shane! Emmet and Shane are perfect for each other! FIX THIS RELATIONSHIP!
|
|
mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
|
Post by mkk59 on Nov 19, 2012 22:48:20 GMT -5
This story is so beautiful!!! Beautiful and dark and real... and ... I could go on!!! I love it!!!! I can totally understand Shane's feelings... I've been there in a way. Can't wait to read more!!
|
|
|
Post by onyxfyrefly on Nov 28, 2012 8:46:10 GMT -5
When Emmet walked into rehearsals two weeks later everyone was shocked to see how drawn and haggard he looked. They had expected to see him smiling and excited about Shane’s recovery. Instead he looked as though he hadn’t slept in days and was tormented by something.
“Hey, Em, what’s the craic?” asked Neil as the younger man sank into his chair at the table. No reply was given, just a slight shrug of the shoulders.
The group glanced at each other in confusion and after a moment George spoke. “How’s Shane?”
“I don’t know.”
The Scotsman’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I have no idea how Shane is. The last time I saw her was two weeks ago.”
“What?” The group exclaimed.
“What happened? Did you two fight?” asked Ryan.
Emmet shook his head. “We didn’t fight exactly. She did what she always does, she got scared and ran.” The tenor sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “She told me that it was too painful to be with me, to be around me…to even look at me. She kept telling me to leave but I refused. Finally she got herself so worked up that I had to leave or the nurses would have come in to see what was wrong. The next morning when I got to the hospital she had checked herself out against the doctor’s orders.”
“Do you know where she went?” asked Keith.
“No. She sold her apartment before the last tour and stayed with friends during the breaks. I tried calling and e-mailing her but she won’t talk to me.” He let his head rest on his folded arms. “I just want to make sure that she’s alright. She could barely walk under her own power, I don’t know how she’s getting on by herself.”
“Lad, I’m sure Sharon knows where she is,” said George. “Just ask her and I’m sure she’ll tell you.”
“I already tried. Either Sharon doesn’t know where Shane is staying or she’s keeping her mouth shut because Shane asked her to. I have a feeling it’s the latter.”
Their discussion was suddenly cut off by the appearance of their musical director and the five headed into the practice room.
____________________________________________________
Emmet didn’t see Shane again until they arrived in Atlantic City for rehearsals. Sharon hadn’t needed her in Ireland because the crew only had to set up and take down the equipment once.
After leaving Shane a dozen voicemails and countless texts Emmet had finally resorted to begging.
‘Please let me know that you’re okay. That’s all I ask.’
He sent the text while slouched in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the terminal of the airport.
Minutes before he was to board the plane he received a reply.
‘I’m okay.’
Emmet stared at the text until they took off. He didn’t know where she was but at least she was alive and hopefully he’d be able to find some time to talk with her in between rehearsals.
Usually the rehearsals were filled with laughter but there was a dark cloud hanging over everyone. Ryan had recently been hospitalized and the newest edition of Celtic Thunder, Colm Keegan, was struggling to learn the material in time for the show.
They had been in Atlantic City for two days and Emmet hadn’t seen Shane at all so he was shocked when he came around a corner one day and nearly ran into her. He placed his hands on her arms to steady her and his mouth opened in surprise when he saw her.
“Shane…”
The young woman was thin, far too thin and her clothes hung on her slight frame. There were huge circles under blue eyes that looked vacant and hollow. Her hair was a deep cherry red and made her already pale skin seem even lighter.
Her voice made him jump and he shook his head to clear it. “Sorry, what?”
“Can you please let go of me?”
Emmet hastily removed his hands and tried to catch her eye. When she refused to meet his gaze he fell into step with her as she walked towards the stage.
A handful of minutes passed before she spoke again. “I um…I heard about Ryan. Is he going to be okay?”
“Yeah, he woke up a few days ago and he’s getting better every day. How have you been?”
“Fine.”
Shane stopped at the ladder leading to the rigs and for a moment it seemed like she was going to say something else. Changing her mind she slowly climbed up the ladder and disappeared into the maze above the stage.
Emmet watched her go and felt someone come to stand next to him. “Is that our lighting director? It looks like a skeleton to me,” said Neil.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Maybe it’s time to let her go.”
“What?”
“Emmet you have tried everything under the sun to get through to this girl and it’s obvious that she doesn’t want anything to do with you, to do with any of us. Maybe it’s just time to walk away.”
“I can’t. I know it sounds crazy but I can’t just walk away.”
The guitarist shook his head and clapped him on the shoulder. “Come on mate, Ryan’s on the phone.”
____________________________________________________
During their short stay in Atlantic City everyone tried to keep their spirits up by enjoying the beautiful weather and the activities but it was difficult. The tension often made them reckless and Sharon was so stressed that she was nearly ill. When Emmet came in holding his head because he had been thrown from a jet ski she just threw her hands up in the air and went to take a nap before she killed someone.
Emmet held the ice pack to his head and let Keith lead him towards his hotel room. They went in through the back so they could try and avoid running into any fans. The two were surprised when the headed up the last flight of stairs to see Shane sitting in the stairwell with her notebook spread across her knees.
Her eyes flicked up for a spilt second and Emmet didn’t notice the momentary flash of concern that crossed her face but Keith did. The surfer didn’t say anything, he helped Emmet to his room and promised to check on him later.
Running a hand through his hair he made he way back towards the stairs. He sat down next to Shane and glanced over at her sketchbook. She was working on a sketch of Colm hunched over a stack of sheet music with his headphones covering his ears and a frown of concentration on his face.
Keith watched as she brought the picture to life with a few simple pencil lines. He was always impressed with her skill a for a moment his frustration with her faded.
“How is he?”
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”
Shane shrugged and turned the sketchbook at an angle to work on the shading. “I can’t.”
“Why not? What did he ever do to you?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You’re breaking his heart you know.”
Shane sighed and give her picture one final glance before signing it and flipping the notebook closed. “I know.”
“Then why are you doing this? Don’t you care that he’s hurting?”
“Of course I care. I just…I don’t know. I can’t deal with this right now.” She wrapped her arms around her knees and let her cheek rest on her folded arms. “Every time I see him it hurts so much that I can’t even breathe. I can’t handle any more pain in my life.”
Keith glanced over at the young woman. “Do you know why it hurts so much?” She shook her head. “Because you love him.”
Shane turned her head towards the guitarist. “You’re wrong.”
“No I’m not. I’ve seen the way that you look at him, the way that you act around him. It hurts because you love him and you’re just too scared to admit it.”
“Keith please, just drop it.”
“I will not drop it. One of my best friends is so miserable that he can barely get out of bed because some stupid girl is too selfish to put someone else first.”
The techie didn’t reply, she just let her forehead rest on her knees.
Keith sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re right. I am too selfish but it doesn’t matter now. This is my last tour. In a week he’ll never have to see me again.”
“What?”
“This job was a mistake. I’ve already talked to Sharon and I’ve been working with Glenn. He’ll be taking my place on the Fall tour.”
“So you’re running away.”
“It’s what I do best.”
Keith placed a hand on her shoulder and was unnerved by how frail she felt. “You don’t have to leave.”
Shane was quiet for a long time and when she spoke her voice was thick with emotion. “Yes I do. I’ve already done enough damage. I’ve put you guys through so much and I’m sorry. I can’t change the past but I can change the future. Trust me, I’ll save you all a lot of pain.”
“Except for Emmet. He’ll be crushed when he hears that you’re leaving. He loves you.”
“No, he thinks that he loves me. Trust me, it’ll hurt at first but eventually he’ll forget. Eventually everyone forgets about me.”
“Shane, I don’t think it’ll be that easy. Emmet doesn’t just give his heart to anyone. I can’t make you change your mind but please think about what you’re doing. This is your career you are giving up. Not only that but you’re walking away from someone who loves you. Just ask yourself if it is worth it.”
Shane nodded and packed up her things leaving Keith in the stairwell. The blonde ran a hand through his hair once more and wondered who broke a mirror and brought all of this bad luck onto their little family.
____________________________________________________
Emmet woke up and stared at the ceiling for a long time. Tonight was the last show in Atlantic City. Part of him was excited to head home so he could visit Ryan and catch up with his friends and family until the next set of rehearsals began. The other part was reluctant to leave the warm summer weather for the rainy days of Ireland. He also didn’t want to leave because of Shane. He had barely seen the young woman for their entire stay in the States. Now and then he would see a flash of her brightly colored hair moving among the rigs but she was like a ghost, as soon as he saw her she would disappear into thin air.
Pulling himself out of bed he resolved to talk to the young woman at least once before the last show. He had to know where things stood between them and even if she hated him Emmet wanted to see her at least one more time before the end of the tour.
After getting ready Emmet headed down the hall in search of breakfast and was shocked when he saw Shane leaning against the wall. She was wearing a huge sweatshirt that nearly came to her knees and jeans. Her eyes were focused on a point behind Emmet but he could see the dark circles under eyes that looked almost haunted.
“Shane? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
Emmet’s heart leapt but he tried to keep his face impassive. “You did? About what?”
“I wanted to let you know that I was leaving.”
“What?”
“This is my last tour with Celtic Thunder. After tonight you won’t have to see me again or be forced to deal with all of my issues.”
The tenor’s stomach sank with each word. “Why? What did I do to make you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you.”
“Then what happened?” Emmet reached out to touch her cheek but she flinched away. “Why do you feel like you have to run away? Is it me? I won’t let you just throw away your dreams. If I’m the problem then we’ll go and talk to Sharon and work something out.”
Shane shook her head. “It’s not you. I’m leaving because…well…that’s what I do best. I’ve always been a runner, that’s how I survived all of these years.”
Emmet took her hands in his and refused to let her pull away. “No, the Shane that I know doesn’t run from her problems. She turns and faces them. Don’t you remember how you stood up to Jason? That’s the Shane that I know, that’s the Shane that I love.”
The young woman tore her hands from his grasp. “That girl is dead, Emmet. On March 18th that girl died in that hotel room. I know that everyone said it was a miracle that I survived, that there was no permanent damage done. They were wrong.” She raised hollow blue eyes to meet his and Emmet couldn’t help but shudder at the blank stare. “The girl you loved, that you thought you loved, is dead. You’re in love with a ghost, Emmet. You’ve got to let it go.”
Tears stung the hazel eyes and Emmet blinked quickly to clear them then set his jaw. “If that girl is dead, then who are you?”
“I don’t know.”
The two stood in silence for a long time before Shane stepped forward and placed a hand on Emmet’s chest right above his heart. “Emmet Cahill, listen to me. You are a wonderful, talented, generous young man with his entire life ahead of him. I know your heart is breaking, I can feel it, but someday you will find someone who will be able to love you. Someone who isn’t broken and someone that you will love with all of your heart.”
“I…” Emmet tried to speak but his voice caught in his throat. After a moment he tried again. “I did love someone with all of my heart but she died. I don’t think I can get over that.”
“You will. Trust me. Each day the pain will fade and eventually you’ll forget.”
Emmet shook his head and covered her hand with his. “No, I’ll never forget. I don’t want to forget. Shane please…please don’t do this. Don’t leave.”
“I have to.” She took a step back and smiled sadly at him. “Take care of yourself, Emmet.”
Shane turned and as she walked away Emmet wanted to run after her, to yell and scream about how it wasn’t fair and how selfish she was being by hurting him like this but something kept him frozen in place. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t convince his feet to move. Then she rounded a corner and was gone.
The enormity of the situation hit him hard and he actually staggered, catching himself with one hand against the wall.
Shane was really gone and she wasn’t coming back.
____________________________________________________
That night there was a huge wrap party but Emmet’s heart wasn’t in it. Sharon had announced that Shane was leaving and got mixed reviews. The techie had only attended the party for a few minutes and it was to give the group a gift. It was a rather large drawing of the five singers on the stage at Atlantic City but something was wrong, there was a large space between Keith and Neil. Looking closer they suddenly saw the faint, almost ghost-like image of Ryan lightly sketched in the space. After that discovery there wasn’t a dry eye in the room and even those who were frustrated or angry at Shane stepped forward to thank the young woman.
Shane had also given a personalized drawing to each cast and crew member as a parting gift, just like she had at Christmas. Unlike before Shane had titled all of the pictures to make them even more personal. The group picture had the title ‘With us in Spirit’ which made everyone start crying again. She hadn’t stayed to receive any praise though, as soon as the buzz over the group picture died down she disappeared.
Emmet stayed for a bit but eventually headed towards his room. Before he left for the party he had discovered a package on his bed but didn’t have the heart to open it, he knew it was from Shane.
With a sigh he sank onto the bed and tore the wrapping off of the drawing. What he saw made his heart stop and tears burn his eyes.
The drawing was of himself and Shane during the Australian tour. He was sitting down with his back against the wall with one leg bent at the knee and the other stretched out along the floor. Shane was sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest, with her knees bent and her sketchbook propped up against them. Emmet’s arms were wrapped around her waist and he was leaning forward slightly to see what she was drawing. They looked happy and content in the picture, they were both smiling and Shane seemed at ease in his embrace.
Flipping the picture over Emmet’s hands began to shake when he saw the title. ‘The Ghost of You and Me.’
Slowly he turned it over and gazed down at the picture once more. He watched as his tears dripped onto the glass covering the image, blurring it but not erasing the proof of the love that he had once shared.
|
|
|
Post by meg_cahill21 on Nov 28, 2012 18:20:12 GMT -5
if i wasnt on cloud now i probably would be bawling my eyes out. that was so sad and awesome! update soon!
|
|
|
Post by celticbear on Nov 28, 2012 19:32:01 GMT -5
It can't end this way! Shane belongs with Emmet! Proud of My Keith for having that talk with Shane in the stairwell!
|
|
mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
|
Post by mkk59 on Nov 29, 2012 3:10:47 GMT -5
Oh my word onyx! I'm trying to comment through my tears! This is so beautiful, but it can't be how it ends! I can't wait to read more! Great update!
|
|
|
Post by HburgEagle44 on Dec 1, 2012 1:57:55 GMT -5
How could you write that so beautifully? Keith was amazing, he tried so hard... and poor Emmet... please bring Shane back, the real Shane, the Shane who cares about the lads.. Update soon, please. It was amazing.
|
|
|
Post by onyxfyrefly on Dec 2, 2012 11:48:06 GMT -5
The next morning everyone thought they would have to fight to get Emmet out of bed and ready for the airport but to their surprise he was the first one in the lobby. He looked terrible, his eyes were bloodshot as if he hadn’t slept and he hadn’t bothered to shave but at least he was up.
He only spoke when spoken to and everyone kept their distance. They knew he was heartbroken over Shane but they didn’t know about his conversation with the techie nor did they see the picture she had drawn for him.
As soon as he got on the plane he was asleep but his dreams were tormented by the haunted blue eyes of the girl he once loved.
Colm glanced over at his sleeping band mate and tapped George on the shoulder. “What’s wrong with Emmet?”
The Scot sighed and settled back into his seat. “It’s complicated, lad, but the easiest explanation is that he’s suffering from a broken heart.”
“What? I didn’t know that he had a girlfriend.”
“He didn’t but he was in love with this lass named Shane.”
“Wait, Shane? As in our lighting director with all the piercings and tattoos?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?” George told Colm the shortened version of Emmet’s relationship with Shane and by the time he was finished the younger man’s mouth was hanging open in shock. “Why did she leave the tour?”
“I don’t know, she didn’t bother telling any of us.” He looked over at the next row and watched as Emmet tried to make himself comfortable in the cramped seat. “I hate to see him like this.”
Colm watched as a frown spread across Emmet’s face as he slept. Neil, who was sitting next to him, placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but the frown refused to fade.
After arriving back in Dublin, Emmet did absolutely nothing for the next three days. He tweeted the fans to make it seem like he was doing something besides moping around in his flat but in all honesty that’s exactly what he did.
Finally he couldn’t stand it any longer, he had to get out of the house. Jumping into his car he drove without any destination in mind. After driving for hours he finally stopped and was halfway out of the car before he realized that he was in front of the hospital where Ryan was being treated.
Taking a deep breath he headed down the hall, his brow furrowing in confusion when he heard music. Sticking his head inside of the door he couldn’t help but smile. Ryan was sitting up in his bed playing his guitar. Emmet didn’t recognize the song but it was beautiful and played perfectly which set his mind at ease. None of them knew how Ryan was going to be once he woke from the coma and as far as they could tell no permanent damage had been done.
When the song finished Emmet clapped softly and Ryan opened his eyes in surprise. “Hey, lad! When did you get here?”
“Just a few minutes ago.”
Ryan placed his guitar to the side and hugged Emmet warmly. “It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too. How are you feeling?”
“Still tired but much better. It’s been great reading everything from the fans, you have no idea how happy I was to get my Mac back.”
Emmet chuckled and settled into a chair next to the bed. “You have no idea how happy the fans were when you got your toys back. I’m pretty sure they nearly crashed Facebook and Twitter!”
The two talked for nearly an hour about this and that, catching up on news of Ryan’s recovery and stories from the recent Atlantic City shows. Then Ryan asked the question that Emmet had been dreading. “How are things with you and Shane?”
With a sigh the tenor scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “There’s nothing between me and Shane. Not anymore.”
“Tell me what happened.” Emmet hesitated and Ryan placed a hand on his shoulder. “You look like you need to get it off of your chest and I’ve got time to kill. Come on.”
Slowly Emmet began to speak and once he started he couldn’t stop. He told Ryan about their entire relationship starting on the night of his birthday to the night of St. Patrick’s Day. He told Ryan about how she pushed him away while she was in the hospital and tears stung his eyes when he recalled their last conversation in Atlantic City. He even pulled out his phone to show Ryan the picture she had drawn for him and it’s heartbreaking title. Every tiny detail was recalled and just when he thought there was nothing more to add another memory would pop up. He told Ryan everything and when he was finished he collapsed back into the chair, completely drained.
Ryan was silent as he listened to Emmet’s tale and didn’t speak for several minutes afterwards. In fact he was quiet for so long that Emmet glanced over to make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Patience young Skywalker,” replied Ryan with a chuckle and the tenor rolled his eyes. “Well, it sounds to me like she’s in love with you.”
Emmet shook his head. “You must have hit your head harder than they thought. Maybe the doctors need to run some more tests.”
“Hear me out. According to Shane nearly every foster family she had either abused or neglected her in some way, right?” Emmet nodded. “She also said that most of her relationships have been abusive as well, correct?” Again the younger man confirmed the statement. “So the way I see it is that she associates love with pain.”
“Think about it. Every person that she has trusted, that she has loved in some way, shape, or form has hurt her. Either they abused her, broke her trust, neglected her, or simply didn’t give her the love she needed. All of that has added up until she’s at the point where she won’t let anyone love or care for her because she’s certain that she’ll get hurt.”
Running a hand through his hair Emmet sighed and met Ryan’s eyes. “But that’s not true. We were getting closer. She was letting me in. I…I really thought that we might have a chance. If she’s so scared of love then why did she let me get so close to her?”
Ryan settled back against his pillows. “I think she was healing. You were good for her Emmet, you were helping her heal and showing her that love wasn’t painful. Then Jason came along and mucked everything up. Here was someone from her past, someone that she had loved, someone who had turned that love into pain. She thought he was gone then he suddenly appeared without warning and nearly killed her. Any trust that she might have had in you was destroyed that night.”
“So she was right,” breathed Emmet so softly that Ryan had to strain to hear him.
“What?”
“Shane said that the girl that I had fallen in love with died that night. I thought she was just being overly dramatic but maybe she was right.”
Ryan shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I think that the girl that you fell in love with was hurt that night, hurt so badly that she nearly died, but she’s still there. Somewhere beneath all of the scars and the bruises that girl is still there, you just have to find her and revive her.”
“How? Shane won’t answer my calls or return any of my messages. I don’t even know where she is right now and I have no way of finding her.”
Ryan smiled then yawned. “Give it time, lad. You’d be surprised how small the world is. You never know when your paths might cross again.”
“What do I do until then? I’m so worried that I can barely function and I’m pretty sure I left my heart in a billion little pieces in Atlantic City.”
“If you really do love her you’ll wait. Just keep the faith that the girl that you love is still there and when the time comes you’ll know what to do.” Ryan’s eyelids were starting to get heavy and Emmet stood.
“Do you really think that she’s in love with me?”
“Perhaps love is too strong of a word. I do know that she cared for you and saw you in a different light. She probably thought that Jason killed those feeling that night but when she saw you in the hospital those feelings came back and it scared her. When Shane is scared she runs, it’s a self-preservation technique.”
“When did you get to be so smart?” Emmet asked while raising an eyebrow.
“I think I finally got some sense knocked into me.”
Emmet laughed at the terrible joke and packed Ryan’s guitar away in its case as the older singer made himself comfortable. Sitting on the edge of the bed he squeezed Ryan’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now get some rest and try not to worry about Shane. She’s tough and even though she’s hurting she’ll be alright.”
“It was good to see you, Ryan. Next time I see you it’ll be at the pub, alright?”
“It’s a deal and you’re buying.”
____________________________________________________
A handful of weeks later the Celtic Thunder cast and crew arrived in Dublin for the taping of their newest show. Their spirits were high because Ryan had made a complete recovery and even though he still had to take it easy he was well enough to perform in the show.
Emmet was doing better as well. After talking with Ryan he had stayed up for most of the night considering the older singer’s words and realized that it made a lot of sense. He had been able to see Shane heal over the course of the tour and had felt the shift in their relationship. When Shane was with him she seemed to be at peace and to be almost happy.
He thought back to the night of the QVC taping and could remember each moment in vivid detail. His eyes closed as he recalled the way she felt in his arms, the way her breath spilled across his skin, the way she held him tightly. He had nearly kissed her that night and wondered what would have happened if he would have closed the space between them and pressed his lips to hers.
Then he recalled the fear in her eyes in the hospital. After the initial shock wore off she had immediately retreated into herself in order to hide her vulnerable feelings. The more that he thought about it the more sense that it made. There were times when he would catch her looking at him with a mixture of fear and something else clouding her eyes. Then she would turn away and proceed to ignore him.
The knowledge put him at ease. He still loved Shane and he believed that she still cared for him. True, he was still hurting and heartbroken but he would just have to wait until the universe saw it fit for them to cross paths once more.
Sharon’s voice snapped him out of his musings as she called the entire cast and crew together for a meeting. Emmet only half listened, he was glancing around to see who he knew among the crew. His jaw dropped open when he saw a flash of bright pink near the edge of the stage. It was crowded so he couldn’t see her face but he knew that only one person would have a hair color like that.
Sharon sent them on their separate ways but Emmet stayed behind. “Shane?”
The techie stiffened and turned slowly. “Umm…hi.” The young woman looked terrible. Actually she looked the same as she always looked; overworked, underfed, and so terrified that it seemed like she might bolt at any moment.
“What are you doing here?” Emmet wanted to reach out to her so badly that he could barely stand it and had to shove his hands in his pockets to stop himself.
“Yeah, I thought you quit,” said Keith. He was still angry for the way that she had treated Emmet and couldn’t believe that she would have the gall to show up.
Shane held up her hands in defense and glanced around looking for a way to escape. “Sharon asked me back for the taping.”
“Why couldn’t Glenn do it? He’s going to be the senior lighting director on the next tour,” said Neil and Nicole squeezed his hand in warning.
“She wanted someone with a little more experience for the DVD taping and Glenn is still too green. James had a prior commitment so she called me. Don’t worry, in a week I’ll be gone.”
“You said that in Atlantic City,” said Keith.
“I know and trust me I had every intention of telling Sharon no. But she can be very…persuasive.” Shane glanced around and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Glenn waving her over. “I’ve gotta go. I promise I’ll stay out of your way.”
Shane turned and disappeared into the wings as Emmet spun to face his companions. “Could you guys have been anymore rude?”
“What? That girl broke your heart and tortured you for months,” said Keith while crossing his arms.
“But that gives you no reason to treat her like that!”
“You’re defending her?” asked Neil. “Maybe one of Ryan’s doctors should take a look at your head.”
“You guys have no idea what she’s been through. She has her reasons.”
“And I’d love to hear them,” spat Keith. “But until she comes up with an explanation for stomping your heart to pieces and just walking away without a word I’m not listening. Now, if you need me I’ll be backstage, I have an album to promote.”
Neil ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I hate to say it but I’m with Keith. That girl did nothing but hurt you and if you want to follow her around like a lost puppy that’s fine but don’t come running to me when your heart gets broken again. I can’t deal with this anymore.” The guitarist stalked off closely followed by Nicole who gave Emmet a sympathetic glance before heading backstage.
Emmet sighed and wandered off in the opposite direction trying to fight the urge to punch something. He had to find Shane and talk to her while somehow convincing the others that she wasn’t the bad guy.
High above the stage Shane let her eyes close for a moment. She knew that Neil and Keith were right and wondered why she had allowed Sharon to convince her to come back. She slowly stood and brushed her jeans off, she didn’t have time to brood about the past she had a show to put on.
____________________________________________________
The next few days were tense to say the least. There was a lot to be done before the taping and at first it was odd for the crew to work with Shane again. It didn’t take them long to realize that she was as professional as ever and they quickly found their rhythm. Glenn worked closely with Shane and felt the nerves he had for the next tour fade slightly. They had yet to find a junior lighting director so a lot of work and responsibility was going to end up on his shoulders. With Shane’s help he finally felt confident that he could do the job and meet Sharon’s high standards.
Shane rarely came down from the rigs and when she did she tried to get her work done as quickly as possible. Her crew had welcomed her back with open arms but things were different with the performers. Even though no one really said anything to her their silence spoke volumes. Shane could practically feel their eyes on her when she walked by and though some people were friendly with her, like Ryan, others, like Keith, were often cold and indifferent.
She really didn’t care how they treated her but she hated seeing the bickering and fighting between the cast members. During the Fall and Australian tours she had never really seen them fight. Yes, every now and then someone would wake up in a bad mood but that faded within a few hours or at the most a day. Now there were constant arguments and tense discussions that she knew were about her. They seemed to forget that she could hear them when she was in the rigs and though she tried to ignore them sometimes the harsh words stung.
It finally reached the point that Sharon brought the cast together for what Shane liked to call a ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting. The meeting had taken place in a private room backstage and had lasted for over two hours. When it was finished everyone looked like they were in better spirits and the knot in her stomach eased a bit. Hopefully she could make it through the two days of the taping and go back home.
The two taping days seemed to drag and Shane began to fear that she wouldn’t be able to make it. The show consisted of all new material so she had to stay on her toes with the cues, some of which were incredibly fast and precise. Her crew was amazing and they never missed a cue which nearly brought a smile to her face.
During the day she did her best to stay hidden working in the rigs but it seemed like each time that she ventured down from her perch Emmet would appear. The young man looked well, perhaps a little tired, but overall he seemed to be doing alright which eased her mind a bit. He constantly wanted to talk to her, which she avoided like the plague, and the looks that he gave her made her stomach ache.
By the night of the second taping Shane was so worn and exhausted that she could barely function. She had spent the majority of the day hiding from everyone, mainly Emmet, and fighting with the feelings that the young man brought to the surface every time he looked at her.
She hadn’t eaten in days and had barely slept. Her hands shook until she got into the rigs then she was perfectly calm and content in her element. Sliding on her headset she double checked the laptop at her side and smoothed out her set list.
“Alright guys, let’s count it down. Ten…nine…” The house lights dimmed and she could hear the buzz of the audience below her. “Bring up the spot on Declan…okay, now Nicole…wait, wait…now Laura…” Shane’s voice was steady as each band member was illuminated. She brought up the main lights as the show began and focused on the screen of her laptop instead of the performance below her.
The show seemed to drag by and Shane only got through it by concentrating on her work. Thirty seven agonizing songs later the performers took their final bows and she brought the lights down on the stage. The house lights came up and she let out a sigh of relief, it was over.
____________________________________________________
As usual there was a wrap party and Emmet had no choice but to attend since his family and several of his friends were there. He kept to himself, chatting enough to appear friendly but silently counting down the seconds until he could make his escape.
Nearly three hours had passed before he could slip away and quickly rushed outside to his car. The streets gleamed wetly and he forced himself to drive carefully as he searched for Shane’s hotel. He had dragged the information out of Glenn and he wasn’t going to let Shane leave without talking to her.
Finally he found the right hotel and double checked the room number before rushing up the stairs, ignoring the elevator in his haste.
Taking a moment to compose himself he knocked on the door. After a few beats he knocked again and heard the bolt slide free.
Shane only opened the door a few inches and was frowning. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk.”
“Emmet please don’t make this more difficult than it already is.”
“When you leave in a couple of days I will never see you again. After the way we parted in Atlantic City at least let me speak my peace. Ten minutes, that’s all I ask.”
With a sigh Shane stepped back and let him in. Emmet glanced around the painfully neat space and felt his heart tighten. It looked like every other room Shane had ever occupied, everything was in its place and her bags were packed so she could leave at a moment’s notice.
“Give me a second, okay?” asked Shane before pulling something from one of her bags and disappearing into the bathroom.
After several long minutes Emmet heard a crash come from the bathroom followed by a curse from Shane. He tapped on the door tentatively. “Are you alright?”
“Just a second.”
“Shane?”
“Hang on…just one second.”
Ignoring her words he pushed the door open and saw her crouched on the floor attempting to gather a bunch of pills that had scattered across the floor. He knelt next to her to help and noticed that her hands were shaking so badly that she could barely pick up the pills.
“Here, let me.” Emmet scooped up the pills and dumped them back into the bottle. Shane held out her hand but before he handed over the bottle he took a moment to read the label and his eyes widened. The prescription was for a powerful sedative that had been filled right before Shane had left for Dublin. The dosage was for one pill as needed but Emmet could tell that the bottle was less than half full.
“Shane, where did you get these?”
The young woman snatched the bottle from his hand and stalked into the bedroom. “My doctor prescribed them for me. I started to have anxiety attacks and these are the only things that can calm me down.”
Emmet rushed after her and watched as she struggled to open the bottle. “How many are you taking at a time?”
“I don’t know, a few. Sometimes one doesn’t help.”
“Shane, listen to me. These are dangerous.”
“I don’t care.”
“Well I do.” He grabbed the bottle from her and headed back towards the bathroom.
“What are you doing? Those are mine!”
“I’m not going to let you do this to yourself.”
Shane tried to reach around him but his arms were longer than hers. “Give them back!”
Emmet spun to face her and held the bottle out of her reach. “No. I can’t just stand aside and let you hurt yourself.”
“I’m not hurting myself.” The shorter woman lunged for the pills and ended up slipping on the floor. She slammed into Emmet and he twisted at the last moment to avoid falling. Somehow they ended up with Shane pinned between Emmet and the sink. The tenor caught himself and when he looked up they were only a breath away. For a moment time stopped and his anger faded, the only thing running through his mind was how close Shane was.
Taking advantage of his distraction Shane grabbed the bottle from his hand and ducked under his arm. Shaking his head to clear it Emmet rushed after her. He grabbed her from behind and wrenched the bottle from her hand. He winced when he felt her nails bite into his skin but he tore away and ran into the bathroom, dumping the entire contents of the bottle down the sink.
Shane let out a cry and shoved Emmet so hard he nearly lost his footing. “How could you? I needed those!”
“No you didn’t. You just think that you need them.” He grasped her wrists to stop her from pummeling his chest. “You can fight this, Shane. Just fight and you’ll be fine.”
“Fine?” Her voice rose an octave as she ripped her arms from his grasp. “Does this look fine to you?” Turning her arms over she revealed the thin lines crisscrossing her arms.
Emmet sucked in a breath and followed her as she stalked back into the bedroom. “Please, just listen to me. Let me help you.”
“Why? Why should I listen to you? Why do you even care?”
“Because I love you!”
Shane shook her head and took a nervous step backwards, retreating until her back hit the door. “No, no you don’t. You’re obsessed, you’re crazy, you can’t love me, you can’t…”
Her words were cut off as Emmet crossed the short distance and pressed his lips against hers. She froze in his grasp as his hands framed her face and when he finally pulled back her eyes were wide. “I love you.”
She stood in shock for several seconds then whispered, “No,” before sliding to the floor. Curling into a tight ball she buried her face in her hands and tried to make herself as small as possible.
Emmet stepped back to give her some room, he was still stunned. He hadn’t planned on kissing her it had just happened and now he didn’t know what to do. Vaguely he realized that she was talking softly and knelt down so he could hear her.
“Why?” she moaned.
“I don’t know why I love you but I just do. I know you don’t believe me but I do with all of my heart.”
She shook her head. “Why didn’t I die? Why didn’t he just kill me?”
The hazel eyes widened. “What?”
“Why did I have to wake up?” Her breath hitched and with a shock Emmet realized that she was crying. Shane never cried and the sound made his blood run cold. “If you love me you wouldn’t have taken away my pills. They were the only thing that made the pain go away.”
Emmet tried to place a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off. “You don’t need pills to make the pain stop, there’s other ways.”
“I don't want to wake up in the morning, don’t you understand?” Her breath caught as a sob fell from her lips. “I tried to stop the pain the day Sharon called me but it didn’t work. Maybe I should have taken the whole bottle instead of half…”
“Shane don’t talk like that, I don’t even want to think about that.”
“Then don’t. Just go away. Please just leave me alone…” She bowed her head until it was nearly touching the floor as sobs wracked her body.
Emmet sat next to her and felt tears burn his eyes. He knew that Shane was hurting but he had no idea that things were this bad. A finger of ice touched his spine when he imagined what would have happened if the pills would have worked as she intended.
Shaking the thoughts away he turned his attention back to Shane. She was still curled up on the floor sobbing so hard that she could barely breathe. Gently he scooped her into his arms and was shocked when she didn’t protest.
Laying her down on the bed she immediately rolled away from him and wrapped her arms around a pillow, her tears soaking through the soft material. Emmet laid down behind her and pulled her close. She was so upset that she didn’t even notice the embrace.
Softly he started to sing, he knew it was cliché but it was the only thing he could think of that might calm her down. He wasn’t even quite sure what song he was singing, he just made up the words as he went along. It took over an hour but eventually Shane’s tears slowed and she began to relax.
Soon her breathing evened out and her grip on the pillow eased. Gently he reached up and wiped her tears away but continued to sing until he was sure she was asleep.
Letting out a sigh, Emmet slowly pulled the blankets up over them and pulled her closer. He knew sleep would be a long time coming but it would give him a chance to think.
Finally he had gotten to the core of Shane’s problems and now he would be able to help her. She would fight, she would dig in her heels and yell and scream but he knew how to help her now. Now he could really start to love her.
|
|
|
Post by celticbear on Dec 2, 2012 19:24:09 GMT -5
This was a very Powerful Update! Glad Emmet talked to Ryan! And that in the end, Emmet and Shane are hopefully on the road to repairing their relationship!
|
|
|
Post by meg_cahill21 on Dec 3, 2012 21:23:57 GMT -5
wow.
|
|
mkk59
Wicked Fan
Posts: 94
|
Post by mkk59 on Dec 4, 2012 23:49:32 GMT -5
I read this on Sunday when it was posted and it took me a couple days to digest everything. I loved it but was very stricken by the similarities between myself and Shane.
I can't wait to read more! Onyx, you are a genius writer!!!!
|
|
|
Post by onyxfyrefly on Dec 8, 2012 13:32:18 GMT -5
When Emmet woke the next morning Shane was still asleep. To his surprise she hadn’t moved away from him which he prayed was a good sign. He hadn’t slept well, his dreams were filled with Shane’s image surrounded by pills and pain and tears.
Taking a moment he glanced down and studied Shane. She was far, far too thin and even in sleep there were dark circles under her eyes. Looking closer he saw the angry red lines that marred the inside of her arms and reached forward, stopping when he was just a fraction of an inch away. From what he could see there were about a dozen on each arm and even though the cuts were shallow he knew they must have been agonizing.
Wrapping his arm back around Shane’s waist he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and allowed his mind to wander as the sun rose over the city.
He had just started to doze off when Shane began to stir. She stiffened when she realized she was in Emmet’s arms. The tenor released her and she sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands for a long time. Glancing down at her shirt she jerked in surprise when she saw the slight smudge of blood staining the material. Glancing around for the source she made a face when she saw Emmet’s hand. There were three deep gouges from her nails on the back of his hand.
Without a word she disappeared into the bathroom and emerged a few minutes later with a washcloth. She knelt on the edge of the bed and cleaned the wound with trembling hands. Emmet didn’t say a word, part of him wanted to tell her that it was fine and that he could take care of it but he knew this was her way of apologizing. She placed a bandage over the cuts, returned the washcloth to the bathroom, and sank onto the tiny sofa at the end of the bed.
Emmet pushed the blankets back then moved to sit next to her. She was shaking so he located one of her sweatshirts and handed it to her. Nodding her thanks she pulled the material over her head then curled up into a ball with her knees to her chest.
“You can talk to me.”
“No I can’t.”
“Yes you can.”
“You’ll be mad at me.”
“No I won’t, I promise. No matter what you say I won’t be upset.”
“You won’t hate me?”
“I could never hate you.” Shane fell silent so Emmet decided to give the conversation a little nudge. “When did you start with the pills?”
“Not long after I got out of the hospital I started to have panic and anxiety attacks. I’ve never had anything like that and didn’t know how to deal with it so my doctor gave me the pills to help.”
“When did you start taking more than one?”
Shane shrugged. “I don’t remember. For awhile the pills helped but then I’d start hurting again so I had to take more.”
“Why did you take more than the dosage? You know that’s dangerous.”
“I don’t care. The pills were the only thing that made the pain go away. They made me numb and it was nice to be able to get through the day without any pain.”
“You said that you…” Emmet had to pause and gather himself together for a moment before continuing. “You said that you tried to end the pain the day Sharon asked you back. Why? Why would something like that make you want to...to...k...kill yourself?”
Shane played with the frayed sleeve of her sweatshirt. “Because I didn’t want to come back. I couldn’t face you…any of you. I knew how much pain I’d put you through and I knew how much everyone hated me. I thought I’d be doing you all a favor.” She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the couch. “Unfortunately it didn’t work. I slept for eighteen hours and I screamed when I woke up. I was going to try again last night but you took my pills away.”
Emmet’s stomach flipped and he clenched his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. “No one hates you, Shane. Some people are frustrated but no one hates you.”
“You’re wrong. You saw what happened when I came back. I toured with you guys for months and you never fought the way you did this past week. You forget, I was in the rigs and could hear you arguing.” She sighed and ran a hand through her short hair. “Jason didn’t kill me, the pills didn’t kill me, maybe the third time really is the charm.”
“Don’t you dare start talking like that.” Emmet took her hands in his own and squeezed them. “Yes, some of the others are upset with you because they saw the wreck I became after you left. When Ryan got hurt we all became very protective of each other. They saw me in pain and they wanted to lash out on the person that caused that pain. But trust me, no one hates you and if they knew what you were going through they would quickly change their minds. And no one, absolutely no one wants you to die.”
Shane turned her eyes away and Emmet changed the topic. “When did the cutting start?”
“When I woke up after taking the pills. The pills weren’t helping so I needed something to focus on aside from the agony I was in. It’s something I used to do years ago to chase away the pain.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“Why does it matter? Eventually you’ll get sick of my issues and leave. That’s what always happens.”
“Shane listen to me. No matter what you say or do, I’m not leaving. I don’t care if you scream from the rooftops that you hate me, I will be right here waiting for you.”
“Why? Why do you care so much?”
“Because I love you.” He reached out and gently cupped her cheek in his palm. She flinched but didn’t pull away.
“You can’t love me. I’m too broken to be loved. You just pity me.”
“That’s not true. Yes, you’re broken but I know you can be fixed. Those wounds will heal in time. When I look at you I don’t see a charity case, I see a beautiful young woman who stole my heart. I see the other part of my being in your eyes. I see…you.”
The techie’s bottom lip quivered and she lowered her eyes as her face crumbled. Emmet pulled her close as she cried, rubbing slow circles across her back as the tears raced down her face. She didn’t sob hysterically like the night before, her tears fell steadily as she washed away her pain.
“I can’t do this anymore…I can’t.”
Emmet squeezed her tightly. “Yes you can. You’re the strongest person I know. You will get through this.”
“I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Ask for help.”
Emmet tipped her chin up and gave her a soft smile “You just did. I will help you, Shane. No matter what you need just ask. Every step of the way I’ll be there.” She let out a pitiful sniff and buried her head in the crook of his neck once more.
“I’m scared…”
“It’s okay,” Emmet whispered. “I’m here and it’s going to be okay.”
She stopped crying after fifteen or twenty minutes but didn’t try and move from Emmet’s embrace. He didn’t mind at all, he could sit with Shane in his arms forever. Eventually she sat up and dried her tears with her sweatshirt.
“Are you alright?”
“No.”
“You look exhausted, why don’t you try and get some rest?”
“I can’t, I’m supposed to check out today.”
“Do you have a flight to catch?” Shane shook her head. “Do you want me to call the front desk? I’m sure they can extend your reservation.”
“No. I don’t want to stay here anymore.”
“Where are you staying in the States?”
“With a girl named Ani in New York. She um…she’s actually one of Jason’s exes and felt bad for me so she’s been letting me stay in her guest room. She travels a lot so I don’t see her much.”
Emmet took her hands in his once more. “Shane, I don’t want you to go. I’m worried about you.”
“But I don’t have anywhere else to go and you’ve got your own life to live.”
“It’s not worth it if you’re not with me.”
“You’re starting to sound like a bad greeting card.”
Emmet chuckled and pulled her close. “Why don’t you stay with me for awhile?”
Shane stiffened in his embrace. “What?”
“I live about fifteen minutes away. My flat has two bedrooms and there will be plenty of space for you.”
“I…I’m not sure. I mean…”
“I know this is sudden but I just want to be able to help you. If you’re uncomfortable we’ll work something else out but I want to be there for you. I can’t do that if there’s an ocean separating us.”
“What if you get tired of me? I’m not the best company.”
Emmet tipped her head up and met the dark eyes that were wide with fear. “That’s not all that’s bothering you.”
“It’s just…I know how you feel about me and…”
“Just think of it as a friend visiting. I don’t expect anything from you. If you want to lay in bed and watch soap operas all day I won’t care.”
“I hate soap operas.”
The tenor chuckled and stood. “Come on. Why don’t you get packed up and we’ll get you settled.”
____________________________________________________
An hour or so later Shane was dropping her bag onto the bed in Emmet’s spare bedroom. The room was small but comfortable with it’s own bathroom and a rather impressive flat screen tv.
“What’s up with that?” asked Shane while nodding towards the television.
Emmet grinned. “Whenever the lads stayed over they complained about how tiny my old tv was so they chipped in and bought me this one. It’s a little small but it’ll do.”
“That’s small?”
“You should see the one in the living room.”
Shane shook her head. “I should have gone back to New York.” She glanced around nervously when the reality of the situation actually hit her. “I’m going to take a shower, okay?”
“I’m starved. I’m going to jump in the shower too then I’ll make breakfast.”
When Shane emerged her hair was standing on end which made Emmet smile. She was bundled up in a sweatshirt and jeans which made the tenor raise an eyebrow. He didn’t comment, he just focused on finishing breakfast instead.
“I’m not much of a cook, sorry.”
“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Emmet placed the loaded plates onto the table and sat down across from her.
He watched as Shane picked at her food and focused on her plate, refusing to meet his eyes. She never actually ate anything, she just pushed it around.
“Shane you need to eat something.”
“I’m not hungry,” she mumbled.
“When was the last time you ate anything?”
She shrugged and folded her hands in her lap. “I don’t remember. I can’t eat, it makes me sick.”
Emmet came to sit next to her. “It makes you sick because your body is starving.” He turned her head so he could meet her eyes. “Just some tea and toast, please?”
Nodding Shane picked up her toast and nearly dropped it because her hands were shaking so hard. Emmet covered her hand with his and her cheeks burned in embarrassment. “It’s okay.”
Keeping her eyes on the ground Shane, with Emmet’s help, managed to finish her breakfast even though each bite was torture. Finally she pushed her plate away and wrapped her arms around her midsection. “I’m going to go lay down.”
Emmet watched her go and quickly finished his breakfast, he didn’t want to leave her alone for long. He tapped softly on her door and when he walked into the room his heart ached. Shane was curled up in the center of the bed, her face contorting in pain. Before Emmet could say anything she was rushing into the bathroom as her breakfast refused to stay down.
Pulling back the covers Emmet helped her into the bed and lay down next to her. “I told you I couldn’t eat anything, why didn’t you listen?”
“I’m sorry,” replied the young man while slowly rubbing her back. “I should have listened but you do have to get something into your stomach. You’ll end up in the hospital again.”
“Do you have a Gatorade or something?”
Emmet nodded and headed for the kitchen, reappearing with the drink and a straw. He helped Shane sit up, unnerved by how weak she was, and she managed to take a few sips. Settling back down he pulled her into his arms and prayed that they could get through this.
For three days Shane was so sick she could barely even keep the sports drinks down. Emmet dutifully stayed with her and couldn’t understand why she was suddenly so ill. She was feverish yet chills wracked her body and her hands shook so badly that she couldn’t hold onto anything.
Finally he couldn’t stand it. “Come on, we’re going to the hospital.”
“No,” Shane moaned while rolling over and burying her face in a pillow.
“You’re sick and you’re getting worse.”
“Please, Emmet, don’t take me to the hospital.”
“Why not?”
Shane blinked open dark eyes which were glazed with pain. “Because I’m not sick.”
“What?”
“I’m in withdrawal.”
The words made something heavy settle in the pit of Emmet’s stomach. “From the pills?” Shane nodded and he sat down on the edge of the bed. “How long have you been taking them?”
“Since April.” It was mid-August now which meant she had been taking the pills for around four months. Shane’s back arched as another wave of pain rolled through her and she saw the look on Emmet’s face. “I’ll be okay. It’s not as bad as it was.”
“I hate seeing you like this.”
“You don’t have to stay.”
“Yes I do.”
Shane shook her head and rolled onto her side, relaxing slightly when she felt Emmet pull her close. She was amazed that the young man was still there, he hadn’t left her side in days. Letting out a breath she forced her body to relax, a slight smile gracing her face when she heard Emmet’s soft voice humming some unknown melody.
____________________________________________________
It took five days for the drugs to work their way out of Shane’s body though it felt like much longer. When Emmet woke and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead he couldn’t help but smile. Her fever was gone and for the first time in days she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Aside from the pains of withdrawal Shane had suffered from horrible nightmares which had kept them both awake many nights. She had made it through the entire night without any nightmares and Emmet hoped that she was starting to heal.
He watched as Shane stretched in her sleep then rolled over to curl up against him. Shane was never known to be affectionate but over the past few days she had clung to him like a lifeline. Not that he minded, waking up with Shane in his arms was always a delight but he couldn’t help but wish that the circumstances were different.
While Shane fought the drugs in her system she talked about everything. For the first time she really opened up to Emmet and shared her pain. He had done the same and though some of his tales reduced her to tears he knew that she was healing. He was healing as well, all of the fear and anger had faded and now when he looked down at Shane all he saw was love.
The subject of his musings was beginning to stir and he held back a laugh as she blinked open her eyes, frowned, and buried her head in his chest. “Good morning.”
“Ugh. What time is it?”
“Early.”
“Five a.m. early or before noon early?”
“Before noon early.” Shane sighed and lifted her head. “How do you feel this morning?”
She shrugged. “Better I guess. The room isn’t spinning anymore and I’m pretty sure my stomach has decided not to try and crawl up my throat.”
Emmet chuckled and pulled her close. “And your fever is gone.”
Shane let her head rest on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart for a long time. Finally she sat up and let her back rest against the headboard. Emmet mirrored her position and let his head fall back against the wall as the room filled slowly with sunlight.
Suddenly Shane reached over and hugged him tightly. Emmet wrapped his arms around the lean frame and wondered what was going on. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you so much.”
Emmet smiled and hugged her tighter. “You’re welcome, love.”
Shane pulled back and let her hands rest on Emmet’s shoulders. “I couldn’t have done this without you. I’m still sad, I still hurt, but I wouldn’t have survived the past few days on my own.”
Emmet gently caressed her cheek and his smile widened when she didn’t even flinch. “You will never have to fight your battles alone. I’ll fight for you as long as you’ll let me.” A small smile crossed Shane’s lips for the first time in days as she let her head rest on Emmet’s shoulder. “I love you.”
“I know.”
The two sat together for a long time just enjoying the moment until the silence was broken by Emmet’s stomach growling. He laughed and Shane lifted her head. “Do you think you can manage to eat anything today?”
“I’ll try some toast but you have to hold my hair back if I get sick again, okay?”
Emmet rolled his eyes and headed for the kitchen, insanely happy that some of Shane’s old personality was beginning to shine through.
After breakfast, which Shane managed to keep down, she wanted to go for a walk and Emmet began to wonder when thirty minutes passed and she still hadn’t emerged from her bedroom. He tapped on the door and receive a loud “Hold your horses!” in response.
Twenty minutes later she finally wandered into the living room and Emmet couldn’t help but laugh. “So that’s what was taking so long! I thought you’d drowned!”
She reached up and touched her now neon orange hair. “These things take time. Still up for that walk? I have to get out of this house.”
Emmet led her around the block towards a nearby park. He didn’t want to go far, she was still very weak and didn’t want to push her. As they walked Shane laced her fingers with his and he couldn’t keep the grin from his face.
Stopping at the park they watched as a group of kids played football and Shane smiled as Emmet’s arms wrapped around her from behind. She leaned against his chest and turned her face to the sun, her hands covering his and squeezing slightly.
“I’m broken, Emmet.” The tenor started to speak but Shane stopped him. “I’m broken and I will always be broken but I’m getting better.”
|
|