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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 27, 2011 21:41:45 GMT -5
'Brrr it's cold, let's hurry, it's just down the street.' I suggested.
'Okay, frosty the snowman, let's race.'
Slipping and sliding down the street, we laughed all the way to the door. The atmosphere inside was quiet, meditative.
'What's up with you lot?' he asked them, they all looked like rock statues.
Gemma looked in my direction, wistful. She kept her eyes on me as she spoke.
'One last round of chemo before the transplant. Tomorrow morning.'
'Aagh!' was the response from me.
'But, why? The last time wasn't so great..' pointed out Damian.
His dad came over and placed a hand on his shoulder.
'It's because that you don't match her but are going ahead with the transplant anyway that the doctors want one more round so she has the best chance of it not being rejected by her body.'
He looked at me, apologetic, worried.
'I had no idea you'd have to go through it again, I know enough from the first time that it wasn't a pretty sight.'
I touched his face, trying to assure him it wasn't his fault.
'Hey now, I didn't even know this would come up. It's okay, if it could help me be able to take your bone marrow, then I'm more than willing to go through with it one last time.'
'But..' he protested.
'No buts, this is how it is, Damian Joseph. I can take it, trust me.' I said, sounding better than I knew I looked.
He looked me up and down, as if to protest against my statement that I could take another harsh round of anti-leukaemia drugs, plus an un-mactchable bone marrow transplant on top of it all.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 27, 2011 23:24:29 GMT -5
'I've made it this far, haven't I? I haven't given up on living, I haven't given up on you, so don't you dare give up on me.' I said, meaning every word.
'I won't, I was just being a bit pessimistic in my thoughts for a minute there. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around all of this, ya know?'
'I know, but I can and will do this, come the New Year I'll be on my way back to normal, you can have your normal girlfriend back, I'm sure you'll like that.' I replied.
'I love you no matter how you look, hair or not, cancer or not. You know that, I don't have to say it, because I know you can tell when I lie by just lookin at me.'
'Indeed I can, you're the worst liar ever, next to Paul and Keith.' I reminded him.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 28, 2011 10:20:10 GMT -5
'Hey!' Paul and Keith bob protested at once.
'Sorry guys, but it's sort of true..'
My mam walked over, amused by that last sentence, but still clearly in the concerned mother mode.
'Tomorrow you're up very early. Now get to bed, you! You two were out late; now it's almost half eleven!' I glanced at the clock as she spoke. Ach, she was right after all, the hour had grown late without me realizing it.
'So I've stayed here too many nights already, I think my own bed has been feeling neglected, so I'll see you tomorrow?' I suggested.
'I'd have you stay over as many nights as there are in a year if you wanted, but yes; I think your house misses you.'
'M'kay, goodnight lad.' I replied, not totally happy about tomorrow's events.
'Until tomorrow, love.'
A big hug and some commentary from Conor later, I was walking out the door.
Stepping out into the cool night air; I felt alive, free.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 28, 2011 22:16:05 GMT -5
The annoying buzzing of my alarm clock jolted me into still sleepy consciousness. Picking up the clock from the green and brown checkerboard carpet where I'd dropped it, I sleepily looked at the time. 5am, ugh it was going to be one of those days! I quickly threw on some grey sweatpants, a light green pull over hoodie, and put my hair into a quickly styled ponytail. I didn't bother with eating breakfast, knowing full well it'd just end up coming back up later.
My mam was already in the car, steaming travel mug full of piping hot and sugary tea, that was one thing I'd always have, no matter what day. Tea equals lifeblood, basically. Well, that and footy, and a lot of other things. But there is a simple comfort to be found in a good cup of sweet tea.
'Feeling okay this morning, sweetie?' she asked me.
'Not bad, not good. Somewhere in between, I guess.'
'Its the last round, hopefully.' she tried to cheer me.
'One can only hope so, Mam.'
The proceedings were quick, the staff was used to me so the signing in was fast. Too soon, there I was again, waiting for the hated yet helpful drugs. I stared at the trolley with a hateful and annoyed look. I just wanted it to be over, so I could get on with my life, and hopefully put it all in the past, and keep it there.
'How's our patient today?' inquired the upbeat nurse.
'Fine, until now.'
'It'll be over before you know it, promise. This time, I've orders to give you half more than usual; bit I'll try and make it quick.' she assured me. I was very glad I'd not eaten, it wouldn't have been a nice sight.
Like clockwork, my mam sat beside me on the chair, me trying to block it all out, and the nurse attempting to make it all as quick as possible. I was three needles in, and feeling okay. Eight now, holding off the nausea. Ten, Keith wandered in eating three muffins, and the sight and smell of it was too much. It wasn't his fault, sooner or later I'd lose my control anyway, just a matter of time.
'Sorry, was it my fault? I forgot, sorry Dee.' apologised Keith.
'Nah Harkin, 's not you. Was bound to happen, anyway.'
Eleven shots in, the only others to come in was the Mc Ginty's and Sharon. Everyone else had some secret project they were collaborating on, or at least that's what Keith had told me.
Fifteen, I could barely keep my eyes open. Just four more, I thought to myself. It's okay. Come on, be strong like you told Damian you were; back up what you said. I was mentally and physically weakened, if the chemo was being this horrible to my system, I shuddered to think what the transplant would do.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 28, 2011 23:34:04 GMT -5
The nurse suddenly jumped back, it was because another had come in and started speaking.
'Wait, why are you giving these already twice as strong medicines, and half more than usual to Ms.McCann?!?' she said, alarmed and mad.
'Thats the name it had on the trolley...'
The other lady flew around to grab at the information. She read it carefully, scrutinising every letter.
'This doesn't say McCann on it, it says McCafferty!! Do you realise what you have just done?!?' something was wrong, very very wrong indeed.
'I'm sorry, I'd been working the midnight to 12 afternoon shift today! I didn't mean to mix the trays up!' she was repentant, I saw that in her eyes. I also saw worry as well.
'That's no excuse, I have to say. This girl could end up in paralytic shock at day's end because of the overdose you've adminstered.'
I knew that nineteen seemed a bit excessive, especially that I was on twice as potent drugs to boot! The last four lethal doses lay on the tray, unopened, untouched. I hate to think of what could have happened had she gone ahead and given those to me. I had barely heard what the other nurse had said about paralytic shock, I was in my own little bubble, the edges of the people and room going fuzzy and fading in and out before my eyes. I felt numbness, then frighteningly warm all over, as if hypothermic.
The ceiling tiles turned purple, blue, red, orange, every colour. Numbness overtook every other feeling I had in my body. I knew the first nurse had been sent out of the room and reported to the resident, since I heard her disgraced footfalls fall away down the hall, louder at first, then faded to nothing.
I was dimly aware someone was squeezing my hand. Warm, a small hand. Gemma. I felt she was squeezing hard, I felt her nails dig into my palm, but I was just barely aware of the sensation. Not good.
'Deirdre, Deirdre? Come on, squeeze my hand back if you can hear me. Please.'
And nothing. I knew she was holding my hand, but I couldn't feel it anymore.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 29, 2011 10:29:59 GMT -5
I tried to move my gaze from the ceiling tiles, but I couldn't. I'd no control anymore, nothing was my own doing. Was this scary loss of feeling and control what she had been describing only minutes earlier?!? It felt like an eternity to me since then. The only thing I could see was what was right above me, nothing more, nothing less.
I saw Gemma's hands now, she was not quite slapping my face, but a touch not gentle, not rough enough to be a blow. She was trying to get me to listen to her, I saw what she was attempting to do, but I felt nothing.
'Gemma, what are you doing?!?' asked Emmett.
'Look for yourself.'
He did as she'd said, and went to stand beside his sister. The same expression of horror and confusion came over him.
'What the......' he began; but never finished.
Seeing how concerned his brother and sister were, the youngest of the family made his way over as well, and my mam, Sharon, and their parents.
'Is that how the dead look?' someone murmured quietly. A sharp glance was sent in that person's direction.
'No, that's how those who are paralyzed and shocked look.' answered Damian.
To back up what had been said, he placed two fingers on the inside of my wrist. Relief flooded his face, temporarily satisfied.
'See? Still here, my girl.' he announced to them.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 29, 2011 21:50:40 GMT -5
'That's good. See, she will be fine.' assured the one nurse that was still left. Everyone looked to her for an answer.
'Is it what we suspected?' asked Gemma.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. But, more than likely it will wear off in a few days, thats for a normally healthy person. But when your immune system is fighting extra hard already, as with her case, there's really no telling what will be.'
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 29, 2011 22:31:08 GMT -5
'So all we can do is wait?' my mam was worried, as anybody'd be in this situation.
'Yes. I have other duties to attend to, if anything happens or changes, ring the buzzer on the wall and I will be right back.'
'Alright, thank you.' replied my mam.
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Post by CelticCailín on Nov 30, 2011 23:44:39 GMT -5
Sharon whipped out her phone and started placing calls. I guessed it was probably the rest of the guys. Keith walked over, and spoke quietly.
'Since I know how you always like to be the one to win, I'll make you a promise. Get better and make it to the New Year, and I'll stop hiding the remote when Man U plays, and George and I will finally teach you guitar like you wanted.' he promised.
It was a good offer, possibly the best I'd ever gotten from Keith, ever!
I heard rushing footsteps and voices floating down the hall. It became very loud in the room, the noise having gone up by several decibels. Must be the guys, I figured. Ten voices all blended together, words all running the same chord, voices crescendoing and falling in random pattern.
Someone eventually explained to them what happened, and their reactions were a mix of relief it wasn't fatal; worry if I could make it, and annoyance at the seemingly careless nurse who was at fault for it all. After awhile, it quietened back down, the ebb of conversation halted for lack of words, or lack of meaningful things to chatter on about. Silence so loud you could cut through the air with a knife; filled the entire space, creeping into each and every corner, every nook and cranny.
A few hours passed, I heard a new voice come into the room.
'Any changes in the last five hours? Anything unusual like decrease or increase in pulse or breathing?' asked the nurse, making sure I hadn't died on her watch.
'No, nothing ma'am. The very same.' answered Ryan tonelessly.
Wait a second, it had been five whole hours already?!? Where had the time gone? Had I been sleeping, or did it just slip by as time sometimes does as it does when you suddenly look at a clock and realise it has been hours, when it feels like days, or mere minutes.
The scary thing was; I had no idea of all that had happened in the last five hours, I only had tiny bits and pieces, like just having the corners to a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Images flashed through my head, but no remembered physical sensations matched them as would have normally happened.
Small chatter, the weather, the euro, to-do lists. Keith promising me something, the lads walking in, Damian smiling at me, trying to put on a brave and unafraid face, that I knew was but a facade to cover up the turmoil and anxiety that wracked him; and them all to an extent from the inside out.
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Post by CelticCailín on Dec 11, 2011 0:32:44 GMT -5
I heard footsteps crossing the room, somebody whispered quietly.
'Don't, Damian. It won't change anything.' Gemma.
'I know, at least she'll know I'm here.'
For the second time I felt him squeeze my hand tight. He was warm, he was worried, I knew.
'I know you know I'm here, please show me you know.' he whispered, voice cracking in spots.
Summoning up all my strength, I squeezed his hand back, lightly, but at least it was something. I had hope that this would be back to normality, or at least some form of it, anyway.
He looked me in the eyes, disbelief and happiness both captured in his baby blues. I blinked, even managed the tiniest bit of a smile.
'I just KNEW you'd be okay, Dierdre! I had a feeling.' he told me.
Everyone else asked him what was going on, and they rushed over, also in disbelief but pleased as well. My mum got the nurse on the intercom and told her what I'd done. She replied that usually people go into shock very fast, sometimes, then some come out of it very quick, like I did.
'Fignfalflgy leasht fjfir chhemofn overfh.' I muttered, half talking only to myself.
'What did you say?'
'Finally the chemo's done.' I replied, enunciating my words as much as I possibly could. I spoke slowly, but it was far preferable than the latter option.
'I was thinking more on the terms of thank god you're still alive, but that is a good point as well.' said Sharon.
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Post by CelticCailín on Dec 11, 2011 2:10:55 GMT -5
'Oh aren't I just the greatest speaker..' I mumbled.
'Right now yes, I would say that.' piped up Ryan.
'Of course you would, Ry. This is weird, I feel fine..'
'Tis odd, to be sure, but a very good thing to be sure, to be sure.' he said encouragingly.
'Yeah, I wouldn't want to be dead right now..'
'You won't be, we'll get to Christmas Eve and far past, just you hold on and see.' added Damian, a fierce determination in his eyes.
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Post by CelticCailín on Dec 11, 2011 23:35:26 GMT -5
'I can't promise anything, but I can try my hardest to survive, and that's what I plan on, if I have any say.'
'Isn't the only one who has any say you anyway?' teased Emmett.
I stuck my tongue out at him, weak retaliation.
'Not now I have no control over anything, but if all this was normal, I think you're right, I would have most of the say.'
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Post by CelticCailín on Jan 4, 2012 2:44:35 GMT -5
Emmet walked out of the room, then quickly returned, something concealed under his coat; grinning from ear to ear.
'I think this might make things a bit easier to bear.' he explained mysteriously, handing me the object.
'Its a.... Newspaper. The Derry Journal, why Emmet?'
'Read the cover story. I promise it's nothing like that sham of a gossip tabloid.' he assured me.
I glanced down, not sure what I would find. Clearing my throat, I slowly read it aloud. It was dead quiet except for my quiet voice bouncing back off the walls.
'Derry Journal, Dec.23rd, 2011
Derry Rallies In Support Of Local Teen Written by: Thomas O'Rourke
A well known Derryman:Damian Mc Ginty. But lesser known is his Derrygirl, Deirdre McCann. Recently, Ms.McCann has been bravely fighting acute lymphoblastic leukemia, and her story has touched those in the community. Below are what the people of Derry had to say to McCann:
'Keep on fighting, all of us are praying for you and yours. May 2012 bring happier times for you.'-Seaneen
'You are courageous, I hope you can get through this tough time.'-Eoghan
'In our thoughts, hearts, prayers, are you. Get well soon.'-Roisin
And it went on for three pages more!! Then I finally came to the last message, I was crying, I didn't realize how much these people cared and prayed for one they'd never met.
'Life brings joy and sorrows both. We know you can beat this, we will never stop caring, praying, doing anything we can; even the tiniest thing that could help. We want you in our lives, alive and well. The New Year brings the greatest gift of all: the life of one we love and hold so very dear to us all. Love and a family always, Mam, Sharon, Emmett, Gemma, Damian, Danny, Neil, Keith, Ryan, George, Paul, and Mr. & Mrs. Mc Ginty.'
'Thank you all so much.' I whispered, overwhelmed by all the support from the entire city, and my 'family' of sorts.
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Post by CelticCailín on Jan 5, 2012 23:26:12 GMT -5
'It's the very least we can do.' assured Keith, and Ryan looked like he was about to say the very same thing as the blonde just had.
'Tomorrow; tomorrow, there'll be sunshine..'
'Aye, my little ray of sunshine. You'll get just fine through tomorrow.' said my mum.
'I know, mum. I have faith, I have all of you. I'm not afraid as much as I was, no matter what is to be.'
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Post by CelticCailín on Jan 8, 2012 23:48:41 GMT -5
Pretty soon, I was tired again. I decided it was time for some sleep before tomorrow, but not before I had a very urgent conversation that needed to be spoken.
It was pitch dark, 10pm. Nobody'd left, they had all collapsed on chairs, mats, and sitting up against the walls. Of course nobody knew what tomorrow would bring, so they had all elected to stay and see what the outcome was. I squinted in the darkness, making out his shape slumped over from sleep in the chair beside my bed. I felt bad for it, but I had to tell him.
'Damian.. Pssst, wake up. Damo...' I whispered, shaking his shoulder gently to wake him up.
Groggily, he blinked around, trying to get his bearings in the all encompassing blackness. He couldn't see me.
'Hey, it's me. I woke you up, sorry. I needed to talk to you.' I said under my breath.
I heard the brutally loud scraping of the chair legs against the floor as he moved closer to me to be able to take my hand in his. I rolled my eyes at him for making so much noise, and he just grinned back. Typical.
'Tomorrow I'm first.' he said softly, as not to wake the others up with our hushed conversation.
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