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Post by mala1152 on Jun 21, 2011 12:22:32 GMT -5
yay excitement...
Chapter 10 con't
As soon as he left, it was like there was a void in the room, like the party had literally gone. Of course, the party was definitely still there, but not for me. Being with Damian was what I enjoyed about this party, not the music and people and boys. I craved his presence and felt oddly out of place without him standing next to me. Apparently, some other guy noticed my awkward lonesome stance, and thought it appropriate to come talk to me (why?). What’s more…he was drunk. What could be worse? “Hey there, pretty lady,” he said, slurring his words. It was actually a comical sight, watching him stumble his way over to me to use some cheesy pickup line. “Hi,” I replied shortly, not trying to seem rude, but managing nonetheless. I did not feel like talking to him, and I wondered silently what was taking Damian so long. Leaning up against the wall, the drunk guy asked, “So what’re you doin’ later tonight?” Yuck, I could smell the beer on his breath. “Nothin’ you need to be concerned about,” I answered coolly, turning my head away from him in an obvious signal to leave me alone. “Aw, don’t be like that,” he said, shifting himself into my vision once more. His perseverance was funny at first, but now it was downright annoying. “Really, that’s enough,” I said, starting to get scared. “C’mon, honey,” he urged, sliding closer to me along the wall. “Stop!” I cried, but he would not listen. His one hand pulled my arms apart, which I had folded across my chest. I smacked at his right hand, but that only seemed to make him angry. An angry drunk… I’d lived in Ireland long enough to know that that was never a good thing. “Why don’t we…” His words trailed off, but his actions were perfectly clear. He provokingly twisted a strand of my hair around his finger, and I jerked away from his touch. “Get off me!” I tried to threaten him, but my voice was feeble and defeated. He leaned closer, our chests now touching, and my back was straight against the wall. As always, I shut down on the outside, but my mind was screaming. I looked frantically around for Damian. Where was he? Where was Riley, to help me escape this creepy guy whose only goal was to make out with me, or worse? How was I supposed to get out of this? There were lots of other people around, but they didn’t seem like they would do much to help. I finally caught sight of Damian chatting with some friends with a cup in each hand. I had almost forgotten where he went, but that didn’t matter now. Now I was only concerned with getting as far away as possible from this guy, who now had his mouth pressed against my collarbone. I physically could not move. As I looked at Damian with an expression of terror and longing for help, he finally looked up and met my eyes from far across the room. His expression changed, too, but then he disappeared from my sight before I could see any more. Full-scale panic mode now, and given some motivation by the look from Damian, I mustered up some strength hidden deep in my body, buried underneath the layers of emotional distress. “I – said – get – off – me!” I yelled, my voice barely registering over the noise. I shoved away from him with all my might. He staggered back a few steps, and I realized that if he had not been drinking, that never would have happened. Finally free and able to move freely from the wall, I searched for an escape, but could not see any from the crowded room and the guy standing in front of me. The guy started forward again, angrier than before, and I began to brace myself. That is, until another figure stepped in front of me first. “Damian, I-” I squeaked, but no words came. He looked down at me with an expression full of understanding as well as ferocity, and he grabbed me by the upper arm and pulled me away from the wall. “Come on,” he said lowly. He started walking out of the room with me in tow. “Hey, man-” cried the drunk guy, but after a tiny shove and an agile dart out of the room, Damian had me far away from him. His grip on me never loosened as he pulled me through a few people into another area of the house. Also, although he never checked back to meet my eye, I had a feeling he knew exactly where I was at all times. I felt protected in his presence, but still exposed after what had just happened. When we finally reached two open chairs, he motioned for me to sit, but I stayed where I was. His hand still held my arm. “So I leave for two minutes and you decide to go get yourself in trouble with some drunk college jerk?” he demanded, sounding serious as well as trying to hide some faint amusement. “I didn’t really decide anything,” I stressed. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to unlock myself and let all those angry emotions surface. Not the sad, scared, worried emotions, though; those would come later, when I was by myself at home. “You okay?” Damian asked anxiously after a few seconds of silence. His hand gripped my arm more firmly. No, I wanted to say, but somehow, at the moment, standing with him here, that was not 100% true. “Yes, I’m fine.” “Are you sure?” he repeated his words from last week in my kitchen. “That guy was-” “Yes, I know what he was doing, alright? Please, let’s just forget it.” I could not, of course. The terrifying moment kept replaying itself over and over in my head. “Okay,” Damian replied, still not convinced. “So where are our drinks?” I asked accusingly. “That was the whole reason you left!” He rolled his eyes. “Well, sorry, but somethin’ a little more important came up!” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at him. I was flattered that he came when I needed him most, but he should not have felt the need to come to my rescue. He didn’t need to know that I really was so dependent on him. “Oh please, I had it all under control,” I said. “Really? That’s not what it looked like to me!” He folded his arms across his chest, a superior look on his face. “Whatever,” I murmured. “It’s not like it was up to you to save me or anythin'.” “If I didn’t, who would?” he asked. This little joking exchange we shared was much more profound that the comical situation we made it out to be; I took note of that. “Let’s go get some stinkin’ drinks,” was my mumbled reply.
Later that night, at home alone in my bed, came the sad, scared feelings I kept bottled up all night. They started out slowly as I remembered the incident that took place that night, and escalated as I thought further back into the past few months. Many warm tears slid down my cheeks, dampening my pillow and hair that night. It took a long time to fall asleep as the memories washed over me, more slowly than the tears fell from my face, and infinitely more painful. The drunken college guy from before was nothing compared to these memories, and definitely something not even Damian could save me from.
so there it is! did ya'll like it? comment and reply, as usual! id estimate at least five more updates til the big reveal...! ill update soon!
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Post by mala1152 on Jun 23, 2011 12:34:16 GMT -5
its update time Chapter 11 Something had changed between us – that much was evident. After the night of the party, Damian and I had some sort of silent understanding to never speak of that incident again, and became even more familiar and comfortable with each other. We just fell into step, repeating our same pattern of friendship, even though I could not open up to him in the way I really wanted. I awoke the next morning feeling cold and stiff, and mechanically rose from my bed. Glancing at the clock, I realized I had barely gotten six hours of sleep. I felt no need to stretch, my limbs hanging straight and still. With my tired, red eyes, I walked into the living room and saw my family lying lazily on the couches in front of the TV, a typical Sunday morning. “Morning, sleepyhead,” said my dad. “How was the party?” asked Granddad, who kept his eyes on the TV and sounded uninterested. “It was okay,” I answered, my voice sounding more awake than my body. “I hadn’t planned on staying that long, but Riley wanted to.” “Well, you look exhausted,” said my mom. “Maybe you should just chill out at home today.” “That’s the plan,” I replied. “Do we have anything to do today?” “I’m taking Granddad to his eye doctor in the afternoon, and your father is gonna go in to work for a few hours,” Mom said. “So it’s just you and me, huh, buddy?” I asked, smiling down at Callan. “We’ll have fun.” My prediction of fun seemed unlikely as the day continued; our “fun” included watching whatever Granddad wanted on TV and me reading a book. Not exactly top-of-the-line entertainment. However, when everybody was finally out of the house by one o’clock, things finally began to pick up. My phone buzzed and I found a text message from Damian. Starbucks?I smiled to myself. Not today… wanna come over instead? Sure. I’ll be about a half hour was his quick reply. Any time is fine. Okay. See ya soon.“Guess who’s comin’ over, Callan?” I asked. I was interrupted by a sudden rap on the door. Hm, that couldn’t be Damian already… I yanked the door open to find Riley standing in the doorway. “Hey!” she greeted me enthusiastically. “Uh, hey,” I replied. “Come on in.” She entered, looking over her shoulder outside, and pulled off her coat. She plopped on the couch, but I spoke before she could. “So what’s up?” It was a little weird for her to show up unannounced. “Nothin’ much, just here to chill out. I figured you’d stay home all day and rest after the party, and I was bored, so here I am!” “And here you are,” I murmured, sitting on the floor with Callan near her feet. “So what’d you think of the party anyway?” “Eh, I thought it was-” “Wasn’t it great? All the college guys…” Riley trailed off. I let her ramble on for a few more minutes before there was another knock on the door. That couldn’t be Damian, either… I opened the door to find Logan. “Uh, hey,” I said. Opening the door wider to let him inside, I asked, “So what brings you here?” Glaring at Riley, he said, “You! Why don’t you answer your phone?” “Me?” she asked, shocked. “Why?” “I’ve been trying to call and tell you that Mum wants you home! I’m leavin’ tomorrow, and Mum wants you to come back.” Riley only waved him off with a flick of her hand. “Well, you’re already here, just stay for a bit,” I suggested, taking my place back on the floor. Logan shrugged, and then sat down opposite us on the small couch. Callan, with a look of determination on his face, tried to stand up. After I steadied him on his tiny legs, he took one step, two… then his knees gave out and he settled for crawling toward Logan. “Hey, dude,” Logan greeted him. “Is he already walking?” “He’s trying,” I said, “But it’s not going so well yet.” “And the talking is obviously a bit down the road,” Logan joked as he wiped Callan’s slobber off his hand. “Obviously,” Riley agreed. The three of us continued talking amiably for a while, until Riley made a face and said loudly, interrupting our conversation, “Oh, God, Logan, that smells disgusting!” “What? That wasn’t me! Callan needs a diaper change.” I laughed. “I wouldn’t laugh if I were you,” Logan said, “You’re the one who has to change him.” That sobered me up quickly. “Fine,” I sighed. I picked up Callan and carried him to the changing table in his room. I was almost finished changing his diaper when there was another knock on the door. My eyes popped wide and I almost dropped Callan in surprise; I forgot Damian was coming! i was gonna post the rest of this chapter, but it wouldve been too long, so ill update it again tomorrow! also, i was wrong on my last count, theres ABOUT seven more updates after this until the big reveal. anyway, stay tuned!
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Post by mala1152 on Jun 24, 2011 13:03:53 GMT -5
well, if you REALLY want me to update, i guess i will...
Chapter 11 con't
My eyes popped wide and I almost dropped Callan in surprise; I forgot he was coming! I didn’t want Logan to meet him and jump to the wrong conclusions right from the start! “Coming,” I called. I quickly walked through the living room, past Riley’s and Logan’s confused expressions, to answer the front door. I took a deep breath to try and slow my racing heart; it did not work. Abandoning hope of a non-awkward introduction, I threw open the door. “Hey.” Damian’s one-word greeting was enough to knock me breathless just like Riley had been last night. His blue eyes lit up as he saw Callan and me, making him all the more handsome. “Hey,” I replied. “Come on in.” He walked over the threshold and caught sight of Riley sitting on one couch and Logan sitting on the other, and a look of mild surprise and confusion crossed his face. Meanwhile, standing just behind him with a struggling Callan in my arms, my heart was pounding. I’d seen the way Logan was suspicious of Riley’s and my previous boyfriends; after the assumptions he made about Damian and me, what would he think of Damian? I bit my lip, swallowed my anxiety, and introduced them. “Um, Damian, you remember Riley from last night,” I pointed. “Hi,” cried Riley enthusiastically. “Hey again,” Damian greeted her. “And… this is Logan,” I stuttered. “Riley’s brother.” Was it just my imagination, or did Damian’s tense posture relax after I mentioned that Logan was Riley’s brother? “Hey, how are ya,” Damian said politely. Logan narrowed his eyes. “Hi.” Slightly taken aback by Logan’s curt reply, Damian turned to me. “And hey, Callan! What’s the craic, man?” Callan stretched out his arms toward Damian, opening and closing his hands into tiny fists again and again. He wanted to go to Damian. I handed Callan over to him, and I saw how comfortable he looked in Damian’s arms. Comfortable as Callan looked, Logan looked equally uncomfortable; it was obvious that Damian and I had spent a lot of time together, and Logan was such the overprotective-brother type that it bothered him that he had yet to meet Damian. “So Damian,” began Riley to break the silence, “I was just trying to talk to Mollie about the party last night. How did you like it?” “Party? You guys went to a party together?” Logan’s eyes travelled threateningly from Damian to me, and back again. “Yes, Logan,” I said warningly, “We just went to hang out.” “What did you do?!” “Logan, we just talked,” I emphasized. God, I so did not want to do this now! Damian, oblivious to this heated exchange due to playing with Callan on the floor, answered Riley. “I thought it was okay. Aside from the obnoxious bolloxed frat guys, it was pretty fun.” Hm. We apparently shared very different opinions of ‘fun,’ but I overlooked it. “I looked for you two but had no idea where to find you. Where’d you two go?” asked Riley. Behind Damian, my eyes widened, and I looked frantically at Logan, who looked like he might explode. “Whoa, what the-” he started, but cut off after a sharp glare from me. I didn’t need to hear his loud rant about me being alone with a boy at a party, nor did I want to. I already knew how he’d freak out and call Damian a whole long list of nasty names and warn me about all the dangers associated with that. Before Damian started to answer, I silently begged him to skip over the rough patches from last night – namely, the guy who tried to hit on me. “Well,” Damian began, “We kinda left our spot after some drunk guy was all over Mollie, so that’s-” “What?!” yelled Logan, his eyes bugging out accusingly at Damian, as if the fact that the guy was trying to kiss me last night was all Damian’s fault. “How did that happen?!” I grimaced. “It was nothing! Really there isn’t – it was just – I – I don’t even think it – it’s worth mentioning-” “Yeah, it’s really not-” said Damian, now looking as uncomfortable as I felt. “Mollie!” Logan chastised. He then turned his glare toward Damian. “Why’d you let-” But I cut him off. “Logan, I swear to God, calm down! You don’t even know the whole story, so stop tryin’ to blame Damian for some stupid accident, ya eejit!” At my short explosion, the silence in the room accented the tension. I would never forgive Logan for being such an overprotective fool to me and an unbelievable arse to Damian! “Then I’d love to hear you explain.” Logan’s smug look of superiority was too much; he thought he was right, that Damian was a jerk, and I could not stand that. “Out. Get out.” Logan looked flabbergasted. “Wha-” “I said get out! Now!” I commanded. “Leave.” “Fine.” Logan stood and put on his coat. With a final glare in our direction, he shook his head and stormed out the door. It was quiet in the living room; we could hear Logan start his car and drive away. What just happened? Things had gotten way too out of hand. If Logan hadn’t been such a hotheaded fool and if Damian hadn’t felt the need to tell that Godforsaken story, everything would be fine! But I was not mad at Damian – he had no idea Logan would react like that; I was so miffed at Logan, words could not even describe it. Riley, silent throughout this entire exchange, looked at me with an angry, questioning expression, to which I replied with an exasperated look meant to say I’ll tell you later. She sighed. I turned to look at the three of them; Riley sitting on the couch with her arms wrapped around her knees with a stupefied expression; Callan staring adorably at me, not knowing what just occurred; and Damian, who stood up sometime during that confrontation and looked puzzled. “Oh, God,” I complained, collapsing on the small couch and throwing my head in my hands. “I am so sorry.” I could not look anyone in the eye after my irrational behavior. “What was that all about?” asked Damian. “That’s just my brother,” Riley answered him. “He’s always gotten a little … worked up whenever Mollie and I brought boyfr – I mean, guy friends over to the house.” “But what’d I do?” “You didn’t do anything,” I assured him. “I just wish you wouldn’t have told him what happened last night! Now he thinks you’re a jerk, and he’s gonna go back to college in the middle of this stupid feud. What an eejit…” I still could not look at Damian, too embarrassed. “Who cares what he thinks?” asked Damian. I ignored him. “Hey,” he urged, tugging at my arm to get my face out of my hands. “Hey. Don’t worry about it.” He successfully pulled my arms away and held my hands as he pulled me into a standing position. Still I kept my head down. “Look,” Damian said, tilting my chin up to look him in the eye. His blue eyes stared at me seriously from under thick black lashes. “Don’t worry about it; you can’t change his mind now.” I sighed. “Alright,” I agreed quickly. I tucked away all these emotions, like I was so used to doing, to feel later. And I definitely would feel them later, even more potent than they were at that moment. “So,” said Riley, snapping Damian and me out of our little sentimental moment. “What actually happened?” Damian dropped my hand and I tugged my face away from his other hand. “It’s a bit of a long story…” Damian said. Riley’s only response was an eager smile. “Okay…” I said, and I began my story.
there ya go! i didnt make you wait TOO long, did i? lol anywhooooo you guys know the drill... comment!
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Post by mala1152 on Jun 27, 2011 16:31:58 GMT -5
your comments make me laugh! not much else for me to say except.... heres an update! a nice long one, too!
Chapter 12
Ah, spring. As February came to an end, so did much of the snow and cold; March brought a little more sunshine to Derry, for which I was most grateful. It was still bitingly cold outside, but at least now I was able to take Callan for a walk in his stroller every now and then. My running was becoming more frequent, too. Since most of the snow melted off the sidewalks, I was able to run there instead of in the street. Also, the cold wind did not tear at my lungs anymore, but the breeze was just enough to keep me from getting too hot. After my falling-out with Logan, he returned to school, and I had not heard from him since, which was a whole week. I still felt bad about the whole argument, but then I remembered his unwavering intolerance and got angry at him again. Riley said that he hadn’t shown any inclination he was sorry about what he said; he had always been as stubborn as a mule. My relationship with Damian had only strengthened, and we saw each other almost every day of that week since he came over. Despite Riley’s insistence that out friendship was turning into something more, my feelings toward Damian were still the same – he was easy to talk to, and I enjoyed spending time with him, but nothing more. Every time I thought about us possibly becoming something more, I shuddered; memories washed over me of my last relationship and how it ended, so abruptly, so horribly… So no, this relationship wasn’t going much of anywhere. Did I really want it to? I was not 100% sure. As fond as I was of Damian and as much as I wanted to open up and truly share something with him, I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to him, who could be as honest as possible, whereas I held such an important part of my past, of me, from him. Like I told myself before, he would never have to know.
On a particularly warm Saturday (and by warm, I meant almost fifty degrees!), I called Damian to see if he wanted a running partner. “Finally!” he crowed into the phone. “Whaddya mean ‘finally’?!” “Well, after the last time you blew me off,” he began sheepishly, “I figured I’d wait for you to ask me to go running.” With an audible popping sound, my jaw dropped. That was exactly right! How did he know? Was he really that perceptive? Damian was so in tune with what I was thinking and with what I wanted; it was shocking, to say the least. “Yeah – well, I mean – you di – before I went … ya don’t – I’m-” I stammered, too flustered to form an articulate sentence. “Easy now, don’t give yourself a brain hemorrhage, I was just sayin’…” he chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Where should we meet? D’you just wanna come over here?” “Sure. Twenty minutes?” “Sounds good. See ya in a few, D.” “Yup.” We hung up, and I began to prepare myself mentally for the challenge coming. I checked the clock; twenty minutes until Damian arrived. While dressing, I mapped out possible difficulties – not being able to keep up with him? Psh, unlikely. What if I had another mental lapse like my last run? All the memories of … of him, flooding back into my brain, incapacitating me again – likely, as much as I would dread it. I doubted it would happen when I was with Damian; he always made me feel better when I was in one of my moods, which was one of the reasons I asked him to run together. I checked the clock; ten minutes. Five minutes. Two minutes. With just under two minutes left in my countdown, his car appeared in my driveway. Dad and Callan were out, leaving just Granddad and Mum home with me. Slipping out (hopefully) unnoticed, I greeted Damian just as he stepped out of his car. “Hey, D,” I said. “Hey, Molls,” he replied, pulling me into a tight hug. That was unusual; I could count on one hand the number of times he’s hugged me, and to do so right then seemed… unusual. With more important things on which to concentrate, I let the thought slip out of my mind. “So how far are we goin’?” I asked. “How far can you go?” he taunted. “A lot further than you think, Mr. McGinty!” “Mhmm, I’m sure your amazing cross country skills will leave me standin' in your dust,” he teased sarcastically. “We’ll see,” I threatened. “I bet we will.” “Just shut up and stretch.” After a long stretch and gentle jog as a warm up, we were soon on our way. The first mile was a piece of cake (it always had been), and we easily kept up conversation without losing too much breath. The second was a little more difficult, and the conversation was more sparse and jagged. By the third, I was only speaking when my breathing was under control. In, two, three four… out, two, three, four. “You tired already?” Damian teased on my right as we passed another residential street, looking just as monotonous as the rest. “Oh, please,” I commented. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” “Oh, yeah? Try this,” he panted as he sped up. “Oh, God,” I murmured to myself. “He’s trying to kill me.” My legs reluctantly picked up the pace, my arms keeping time, my body moving in perfect synchronization throughout. Again, my mind raced, but less severely than other times, because running with Damian gave me something to focus on, whether it was his funny comments, matching my deep breaths with his, or his shining, sapphire eyes … “Good, good,” Damian breathed heavily. He kept his pace constant, and after a while the quicker pace became nothing, just another jog and nothing to fret about. “How far do you think we’ve run?” he asked. “I dunno,” I said breathlessly. “At least four.” “And what’s your record?” he huffed. “Four and a half,” I said with an extreme effort to force any more air from my lungs. We were then quiet for a few minutes, until Damian spoke abruptly. “If you beat your record, I have something to tell you.” “Oh, really? You can’t just tell me now?” I begged. “Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p.’ “Aw, why not?” I asked. I was reaching my limit, the furthest my body could take me; who knew if I could beat my record today? “Because,” he said, “You’re almost there.” “I don’t think I can,” I gasped. “C’mon,” Damian jeered, “Where’s that amazin' runnin' skill you were braggin' about?” “That was four and a half miles ago!” I said. “And you’re still goin’, so why not just go a little more?” I could not find an answer. There really was no reason not to at least try. “C’mon,” he said again. My eyes popped wider in astonishment as he again picked up the pace. How could he still be running, and that fast, after this long a distance?! It was impossible to wrap my head around. “Keep up!” he called from a good ten yards in front of me. Pumping my arms and legs faster and with more effort than it had ever cost me, I caught up. “Not – so – bad …” I puffed. “No – not – really!” he replied, finally just as breathless as I was. Faster and faster I pushed myself. Louder were my footsteps, longer were my strides. My arm brushed alongside Damian’s, and it was almost as if the slight touch gave me even more energy, for I soon was running a foot or two in front of him. Then, some entirely new sensation overtook me. My legs seemed to gracefully float across the pavement instead of hitting them forcefully; my arms breezed back and forth as easily as a bird flaps its wings; my lungs expanded, and my breathing became more even. I felt like I was flying. Nothing could bring me down, and for a moment, I forgot about the world as a whole. It was just Damian and I, running side by side. I left all my memories behind me, and I took pleasure in just being the Mollie I wanted to be with Damian – no secrets or lies, no half-truths or cover-ups. For the moment, I was on top of the world. We made a loop around the neighborhood in which we were running, and we came within a mile of my house. About a half-mile away from my house was a park, and I made a sharp left down a road partially obscured by bushes to get there. My flying state of running was coming to an end; I was sorry to see it go. It passed so quickly… With one final burst, I sprinted past Damian and reached a park bench, my legs once again becoming my own, burning with the effort that run had cost me. My feet thudded against the sidewalk, and the rest of my body broke rank to relax and hang limply.
but wait, theres more! haha theres a little more to this chapter, so wait patiently! be expecting an update tomorrow!
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Post by mala1152 on Jun 28, 2011 10:44:30 GMT -5
oh, you can all wait a day for another update... ive made you wait a lot longer before! here it is...
Chapter 12 con't
Two seconds later, Damian came running up to me, breathing just as heavily as before. “That – that was …” he trailed off. “That was great!” “What – what do – you – mean?” We waited a minute or two to catch our breaths before he spoke again. “I mean, you broke your record by a whole mile!” A whole mile?! That was amazing! “Seriously?!” I cried. “I did it?!” “Yes!” he called out in response. I jumped up and down. The muscles in my legs screamed in protest, but I ignored them; this was something to be celebrated! As I was jumping, Damian caught me in another hug, and, in spite of both our sweat-covered bodies, we held each other close. I looked up at him, beaming, while he looked down at me. Our faces inched closer together, and for a moment, it all seemed right. Almost like I wanted this to happen… But with a pang, the memories that usually flooded me during my jogs all came at once; the effect was almost dizzying. The pain struck me right in my chest, and I flinched away from Damian. My breathing once again became ragged, and I almost forgot that Damian was still standing right in front of me, though not as close since I pulled away. The fact that Damian had been about to kiss me took a few seconds to register, and when it did, I was all the more confused. I need a moment to sort out my thoughts. Damian cleared his throat uncomfortably, and I guess it was due to my rejection. “So,” I said awkwardly, trying to overcome the dizziness attempting to overtake me. “What was it that you wanted to tell me?” He just stared at me incredulously, like he was shocked I could treat such an important moment with such little consideration. My obvious attempt to get past the confusing moment was the exact opposite of what was going on inside my head, but he did not need to know. “Huh,” was all he said. “Well? What was it?” I pressed. “Well,” he said somewhat reluctantly, “Remember how I’m part of that group, Celtic Thunder?” he asked. “Yeah, what about it?” “We’re going on tour again. In America.” “Yeah, and…?” I was missing the point. “… For three months.” The reality of what he was saying was finally washing over me. I would not see him again for three months! Among all the conflicting emotions I felt inside me, pain and sadness were the most dominant because of this news. “When?” I managed to choke out. “We leave in two weeks,” he smiled. Damian seemed excited. I, however, was totally and utterly depressed. I finally succumbed to the dizzying feeling I felt in my body and in my head; the different emotions I felt were just too much to bear, and this final news was the last straw. My knees gave way, and I collapsed onto the park bench behind me. I hung my head in my hands. “Mollie?” Damian asked, the smile vanishing from his face. I ignored him. “Mollie?” “Three months?” I groaned. I dropped my hands, and looked up into his face. His expression was a mix of confusion, joy, and sadness all at once. “Yeah, I know it’s a long time, but we’ll still keep in touch, right? It’s not like it’s forever. Plus, we still have a whole week!” He was so freakin’ optimistic. “What’s wrong?” he asked me. What was wrong? Was he serious? He had just delivered to me the news that sent my recovering mental state back to ruins, and he was asking me what was wrong?! All this progress I had made in the past few weeks, everything I was doing to help myself get over the past few months, would all be in vain, since Damian would not be here to help me completely recover. “Molls?” Damian asked me again. “What’s wrong?” I suppressed all my feelings, buried them deep within myself again. I was a pro at keeping my cool, at convincing people I was okay with things that weren’t okay. Despite Damian’s continual insight into the way my mind and emotions worked, I tried this on him, too. “Nothing,” I answered. “The news just took me by surprise, is all.” He was not fooled for one second. Thankfully, he played along and swallowed my false pretense about being okay with the fact he was leaving. Confronting it after what had just happened, with me pulling away from him, was too hard for the both of us. “Oh. Okay.” “Yeah. So, I should probably get home…” I stood and walked away quickly, but he caught up to me again. “Mollie, I-” he began, and I turned cut him off. “What, Damian?” His face looked just as I imagined mine did when I learned we would be separated for three months – sad, lonely, and full of longing. “Nothing,” he replied. As we walked back to my house in silence, I vowed never to speak of these events to anyone, not even Riley. Not even to Damian.
so now the countdown is down to five, yes FIVE more posts til the big secret! and then the sequel... i think its a bit different for me, but i believe youll like it. anywhoo, in the meantime, comment comment comment and reply reply reply!
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Post by mala1152 on Jun 28, 2011 21:55:37 GMT -5
oh, you guys... you make me laugh. which is why im deciding to update again today! enjoy!
Chapter 13
That night, after a shower, all I could think to do was sit in my bed and stare blankly at the wall. What had I done? After the past months of confusion and hurt, my relationship with Damian had seemed the only thing that was constant, the only thing right in my life right now. But I’d messed that up with my stupid, introverted, fearful tactics of avoiding pain. So now … Where did that leave us? After I’d rejected him like that today, would he even want to speak to me again? I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as I thought it that only intensified as I realized the very real possibility of that. Then my confusion set in once again. Why did I care so much? Damian and I were – we were only friends, he knew that! I knew that! I told myself that I would hurt just as much if it was Riley who was leaving for three months. Then I stubbornly ejected the thought from my mind, rashly making the judgment. I recalled the last time I had to call and apologize to Damian, when he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I kind of flipped out in my kitchen. He’d been so forgiving then, but this was twice as bad. If he did not forgive me…I felt the pang in my stomach as before. Yet, Damian had been so willing to look past my episode yesterday and go along with my false pretense, so why wouldn’t he forgive me? I just had to apologize first. That would be interesting; I would have to plan what I would say … I heaved an exasperated sigh, bringing me back to planet Earth and to the present. I had not realized how badly my eyes were burning at trying to conceal the tears that threatened to escape. I did a pretty good job at hiding them from myself until I once again thought about not seeing Damian for three months; that set them rolling down my face. The warm tears would have been refreshing as a way to let out these pent-up emotions, but I was too sad to have them refresh much of anything. Crying myself to sleep that night, I realized that, for once, it was not for memories of old, but for Damian, something entirely new.
I awoke early the next morning after a restless sleep. Peeking outside my window, I saw that it was still dark. Sighing heavily, I got out of bed, but only to sit in the living room and do nothing. There was no one awake, not even Callan; I enjoyed the quiet alone time. I started a mental countdown. It was Sunday; that meant that I still had six days until Damian left. There was still time to apologize… But no. What could I say that would change things? Damian’s attempt to kiss me yesterday made his feelings for me clear; nothing I told him would take those feelings away. Since I would not – could not – reciprocate them, maybe this was better. But it did not feel better. I felt worse than I had in weeks, back to my days of depression and loss. Oh, well… if I could bear it then without Damian, I could probably bear it now.
Later that day, sitting alone in my room, my mother came in with a worried expression on her face. It wasn’t The Look; it was a different kind of worry. She had no idea what happened between Damian and me yesterday, and I intended to keep it that way, no matter what she said the in pending conversation. “Are you okay?” she asked curiously, poking her head in my door. “I’m fine, Mom,” was my curt reply. She stood there silently for a moment. “Mollie, you’ve been cooped up in your room all day. Go take Callan for a walk or hang out with Riley. It’s a beautiful day!” “I don’t really feel like it.” She had no response to my shortness. My monotone replies left her with no emotion to work with, so she struggled blindly to get through to me. “Honey, if somethin’s bothe-” “No, Mom, I just have a lot of homework. I’ll do something with Riley this week, okay?” My mom stood to leave, the concerned expression on her face anything but improved. Her burning curiosity and suspicion were evident in her eyes, but she knew that I would tell her when I was ready. With me, it was best not to pry; she knew that. “Okaaaaaay…” she said slowly, “But try not to stay in here all day. It’s not healthy.” “You say that to Granddad all the time,” I teased her, my voice staying monotone. She smiled slightly and closed my door. Thankfully, she left me alone the rest of the day, but I could feel her eyes on me at dinner. There was nothing she could do to help, either….
Monday (five days left in my countdown), Riley knew something was up, but she figured it was a family argument or something and that it would pass. But by Tuesday, she was definitely concerned. “Molls, c’mon, you can talk to me!” she nearly screamed between classes at my locker. “I know somethin’s buggin’ you.” “I’m fine,” was my generic answer. “But you’re not,” Riley insisted. “You’ve been mopin’ around for two days, why won’t you tell me what’s goin’ on?” “There’s nothin’ to tell.” I shut my locker and walked away brusquely. As much as I may have wanted to talk about it, I just shut down on the outside, like I always did; outside was the calm, cool, and collected Mollie, but the inside was chaotic, restless, spastic Mollie that very few people ever saw. Riley was one exception, and the other…. Don’t even go there, I scolded myself once again. I sighed, and continued walking away from Riley – and away from the truth.
Wednesday (three days left), Riley kept pestering me, and Thursday, when she had had enough of my crap, she announced that she was washing her hands of me. “Oh, well,” I mumbled, “You wouldn’t be the first one.” “Hm?” she questioned. “What was that?” “Nothin’.” “No no no no no, that was definitely somethin’!” she exclaimed. “What do you mean, ‘I wouldn’t be the first one’? Who’s done with you now, too? Was it Damian?” “Riley!” I chastised. “Enough.” “It was, wasn’t it?” she clucked sympathetically. “What happened between you two? Why won’t you tell me? Did he-” “No, Riley, he didn’t do anything, and I didn’t do anything, now would you just please leave me alone and let me deal with this?!” After a shocked moment’s silence, she finally agreed, “Okay.” How easily she agreed to whatever I asked, silently or aloud. Just like Damian did….
My mom was not much better at home. She was always nagging me and popping in at the most inconvenient times (I really did have homework to be doing). I know she was recognizing the signs of my depression from what she saw a few months earlier, and she feared that I would be as bad of a wreck as I was before. I was close. Callan probably suffered more than anyone at my lack of enthusiasm at much of anything. He had not left the house in days because of me. I had not even made a Starbucks run this week! As if I wasn’t already boring enough, the poor kid was probably sick of my depressed attitude and longing for some fresh air. I went to sleep that Thursday night after at least three interruptions from my mom. Nothing could keep the bad dreams away; I dreamt all night of losing him and Damian. So it was no surprise that I woke up Friday morning with a dreary mind and bloodshot eyes. One day left, I reminded myself mentally. Damian still had yet to call, and I still had yet to come up with an explanation for my behavior. I dressed that morning only halfway aware of what I was doing, and dragged through my classes with possibly even less effort. All I could think about was Damian, Damian leaving… tomorrow. I would not see him again for three months. The heavy truths weighed heavily on my mind, so heavily that it almost felt physical. “Molls, I’m worried about you,” Riley told me in parting after the final bell that afternoon. “I’ve seen this before, and it’s not natural!” “Riles, it’s fine, trust me. I’ll get over it, whatever it may be. Ya don’t need to be worried.” “Oh, really?” she replied sassily. “Have you even left your house this week?” “Yes,” I said saucily, “I had to come to school, didn’t I?” She snorted. “Alright, smart Alec, have it your way.” Her harsh voice became gentler. “Just – just know that you can talk to me, okay?” She was really breaking my heart. With a tender look, I answered the pleading in her eyes with a sincere, “I know. Thanks.” To avoid any more discussion on the subject, I turned and walked out of the building.
im pretty anxious to finish up this story and start posting the sequel. im almost finished with the sequel, believe it or not! time really flies, doesnt it? anywhoo, keep doin what youre doin - makin me laugh! reply and comment!
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Post by mala1152 on Jun 29, 2011 14:34:40 GMT -5
yay updates!
Chapter 14
“Poor kid, this probably isn’t what you wanted to be doing on a Friday, is it?” I asked Callan. He stared at me, bored. “Yeah, me neither.” He had stumbled into my room in the middle of one of my numerous meditations – or, in other words, in the middle of me staring hopelessly at my wall. I figured that I needed some cheering up, so I brought him out to the living room. It was not much more exciting, but it was at least something different than what I’d been doing. “Ya know what, Callan,” I said slyly after pondering Riley’s words from that afternoon. “It’s such a nice day, and you’ve been cooped up inside all week with me. Let’s go for a walk!” Callan understood, for he clapped his hands excitedly and smiled a nearly-toothless smile. He kicked his legs energetically, with more energy than I had in my body. Hopefully, a walk in the fresh air would do me some good. I strapped Callan into his stroller, and we were soon on our way. Avoiding all my running routes, I chose a short, yet filling, route through the park. Callan’s squeals of delight proved that he had been itching to get out of the house, and the way my lungs luxuriated in the invigorating fresh air showed that I needed to get out, too. I inhaled a deep breath, feeling the air fill my lungs, then let it out in a long gust. My sigh was not of relief, however, but of a troubled mind. It seemed that my relationship with Damian, whatever kind of messed up, confusing relationship we had, was over. It was the hard, simple truth. We were over. I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between this relationship and my last, with my last boyfriend, and the disastrous end that one met… I shook my head to scatter these wild thoughts, but even the fresh air was not enough to blow away the memories of the past few months. I doubted if anything ever would. Callan either seemed very oblivious to my reverie, or he was asleep. After a quick peek over the side of the stroller, I found that the latter was the answer. Callan lay sleeping happily, but not silently; his quiet little snores filled the otherwise gaping silence. Smiling to myself, I kept the steady pace so as not to wake him, and persisted along the trail. The winding trail continued through the length of the park, past the benches where I almost fainted a few days earlier. The mere thought of my run with Damian a few days ago sparked something inside me again that set my heart racing and my palms sweating. Fearfully, I wondered how my crazy imagination would react when we actually passed the bench. I turned one last looping turn around a large cluster of pine trees before I saw the bench – before I saw him. Damian. He sat perched on the edge of the bench, a hard, contemplating look on his face. His bright blue eyes concentrated on some faraway object or concept, and I could see no end in their depth. His usually calm expression was morphed in some way, as if he could not decide which emotion to display on his face. Damian’s very appearance brought me up short, and I halted to a stop. Callan kicked in his sleep, but did not wake. “Mollie,” said Damian, standing and taking in my sudden appearance. He looked as surprised as I felt about meeting this way. “D-Damian,” was my genius reply. “Wha-what are you doing here?” He shrugged. “Nothin’, I’m just here thinkin’.” That was a bad sign. All I had been doing this whole week was think; the fact that he was here, in such close proximity to me, thinking as well, gave me reason to be nervous. What if he delivered more bad news? Damian sat suddenly, and patted the seat next to him. “Sit.” On my guard, I pushed Callan’s stroller into the grass next to the bench, locked the wheels, and sat down next to Damian. We both wanted to start at the same time. “Look, Damian, I-” “Mollie, you should-” We both stopped and looked at each other awkwardly. I couldn’t help but smile at him, despite the unbelievable stress I was under. It was so unusual for us to be uncomfortable around each other; this was a first. “Go ahead,” I insisted. Better to have it over and done with, then we can both go our separate ways, I said in my mind. Damian took a deep breath, steeling himself, and began. “Mollie, I just… I just think that…. Well, when I told you the other day that I was leavin’, I had no idea you would get so upset about it.” “What?” I exclaimed. “But-” He put up a finger, indicating that he wanted to finish, but I had something to say, so he was gonna hear it! “But how could you think I wouldn’t be upset that you were leavin’ for three months?! Did you seriously just think I’d take it with a smile?” “That’s somethin’ else I was thinkin’ about,” he continued. For a moment, he looked unsure of himself, but a sudden fierceness possessed his face, and he spoke with more passion and urgency than before. “Mollie, I think – no, I know there’s somethin’ more here. There’s somethin’ between us, admit it! And we can’t just ignore it.” “Yes we can, because there’s nothin’ there to ignore,” I said snobbishly. “We’re friends.” But inside, I could feel that he was right; my heart felt a sharp pain at the words. Goosebumps trickled down my spine, and I once again felt cold. “But you didn’t though!” Damian insisted. “Ya know how sad you were when I told you? Well, when I told my buddies I was leavin’ for three months, they wished me luck and said to take lots of pictures. That’s how friends react, Mollie.” I shook my head. “I’m happy for you, too,” I stubbornly responded. “Yeah, I know, but-” “And I didn’t kiss you!” I nearly shouted. “There, I said it. I didn’t kiss you. That’s how friends behave, Damian. We thought we had something, but we didn’t, and that proved it.” “How can you be so blind?” he asked, getting fired up at once. “How long do you want to keep lyin’ to yourself?” “Forget it, I’m done.” I stood up and started toward Callan’s stroller, but Damian jumped up quickly and blocked my way. His expression was almost pleading. I back away, behind the bench, and he followed. “And, yeah, I realize you didn’t kiss me the other day. I get it. But Mollie, you don’t need to be so – so cautious about this, about me. Yeah, I get it if things ended a little rough with your last boyfriend, but I’m not like that. It’s just that you don’t need to be so hesitant about me. You can open up a little; you can trust me.” “But-” “Mollie!” he exclaimed, cutting off whatever my retort was going to be. “Mollie, I know you too well. Face it. I love you and, whether you’ll admit it or not, you love me, too.” I couldn’t even feel my heart beating at this point. All I could do was stare. My mind was not functioning properly; I had shut down on the inside and out.
theres still more to this chapter.... its really exciting... but i wont update yet.... so wait a little longer! sorry! keep commenting!
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Post by mala1152 on Jul 5, 2011 11:44:07 GMT -5
sorry, i know its been a while since my last update, but my internet went down and then i got sick. at least im back now, and with good timing, because this is it! the big reveal! time for "the secret!" here ya go, i hope you enjoy!
Chapter 14 con't
I stared disbelievingly at Damian, my eyes wide. They only grew wider as they took in what he did next. He closed the short distance between us behind the bench in one short stride. He placed one hand on the bench on either side of me, keeping me in place. Then, in an almost aggressive act, he leaned in quickly and pressed his lips to mine, intensely at first. The pressure in the kiss built and rose until it peaked. Our bodies pressed tightly together, and I knew that, even if I wanted to, I could not pull away. His hands gently cradled my head, and our lips moved in synchronization as the passionate kiss grew even more in intensity. It was the perfect place to be, in Damian’s arms, with the never-ending kiss. Slowly, unwillingly, the kiss ended, and we put our foreheads together, both of us slightly breathless. Damian’s hand moved back up to my face, and he held my head there, looking into his eyes, with his thumb stroking my cheek. “I told you, you don’t have to worry about me,” Damian said seriously. “It’s not like-” That was when I cut him off, and to this day, I regret it with all my heart. It was a reflex reaction; my heart grew cold, pumping ice into my veins. I could not feel my extremities, but I could see the goosebumps running down my arms and legs. I knew where he was going with that sentence, and my automatic instinct, to pull away, was more powerful than any emotion I felt at that exact moment. “It’s not like what, Damian? Not like my last relationship?” Damian only looked at me sheepishly and let me go on. I pushed lightly against his chest, and he obediently backed away from the bench. I was now free to move around, so I took a step forward. My inside had awoken, stirring the outside into action, too. What did he know about my last boyfriend? What did he really know about me? Not as much as he thought, apparently, or he would not bring up The Incident, the horrible, heart-wrenching event that almost brought my life to shambles. He wouldn’t. So this was it; the truth was finally coming out. Damian would now have to know all my secrets, since he was the one who brought it up in the first place. Here….now… this was the moment that I knew that we were all wrong, that our whole kiss had been wrong. This heartbreaking response of mine proved that I could never truly open up to Damian, and that we could never be together in the way he wanted. “Do you even know how my last relationship ended?” I asked. Without waiting for an answer, I said, “No, he didn’t break up with me, Damian. And no, there was nothin’ wrong with our relationship.” I took a deep breath as we both waited for the final answer, and for what I imagined would be the final catastrophic nail in the coffin that was our impossible relationship. “He died.” This he registered more quickly than anything else, for his mouth fell open with an audible pop. Damian approached me, hands up as if in surrender or comfort, and tried to speak. No words came out. “So yes, this is what I’ve been keepin’ from you,” I continued, my voice sounding factual and objective despite my burning eyes and freezing heart. “This whole time, you never knew. I didn’t want you to know. But every time you’ve wondered about me, about what was keepin’ me from you… this was it.” I took another deep breath before I moved into action. I unlocked the stroller’s wheels, keeping my eyes averted. I was not crying yet, a surprise to both of us. “So now you know. Now you know why we can’t be together, why I can’t even think about bein’ with you without this – this huge feelin’ of guilt I have. Since… since Danny died, I just haven’t been the same, and that’s not fair to you. So really, Damian, I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna work out. Go to America, and I’ll probably be here when you get back, same as I am now.” Damian stared at me, frozen in place. The emotion of shock was clearly expressed on his face. I couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. I couldn’t stand to be here, breaking both our hearts. But it was more complicated than anything I wanted; it was almost as if when Danny died, a part of me died, too. And, like I told Damian, it was not fair to him. “Go on,” I said, starting to move. I pushed Callan’s stroller back along the route we had just taken. “Take lots of pictures,” I added halfheartedly. And, using every ounce of effort I had in my body, I turned away from him for one last time. Every step I took put more distance between us, the way I thought it was supposed to be. It was impossible for me to turn around and look at him, to see what his face looked like now. It could not have been a pretty sight. I had just turned the corner of the path when I decided to look back. A quick glance over my shoulder back at the bench; he was gone.
tadaaaa! well, there it is! the big secret... i believe somebody guessed this at the very beginning? anyway, i loved all your guesses along the way. the ones about callan really being mollie's son were particularly interesting... but what happens next?! we'll just have to find out....
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Post by mala1152 on Jul 6, 2011 15:30:16 GMT -5
another update... interesting reactions to the big secret...
Chapter 15
I did not get very far before I completely broke down. It started with a steady flow of tears, never-ending in their waterfall down my face. Then, as I realized what I had just done, the full horror of my situation, the sobs started. The confusion I felt was overwhelming; it was like losing Danny all over again. Just then, my mind went back to three months before, to the exact day that all this happened….
***It was a regular January day. I had just gotten home from school and was doing math homework. The holidays had just ended, and it was still a little unusual to be thinking of things like homework and school. The weather that night was horrible; it was already dark by six o’clock. Almost every light was on in the house, because Granddad was afraid of falling or tripping over Callan or something of the sort. I laughed at his overcautious behavior. I would not laugh again for nearly two months. The phone rang, and I hurried to pick it up since Dad was feeding Callan and Granddad was relaxing on the couch. It was Mum. “Hey,” I said as I picked up the phone. “Hey,” she said, and I could tell that something was wrong. Her voice was a cadence off. I, however, was more concerned with a particularly difficult calculus problem, and ignored her strange voice. I figured she had a rough day at work. “Can I talk to your father?” she asked. “Yeah, sure,” was my quick reply. “Dad!” I shouted, and held up the phone. “What?” he asked, annoyed to be pulled away from Callan, who was currently making a mess with his newly-discovered solid food. “But how?” Dad asked suddenly, his voice more tender than it had been a second ago. “How did i-” Mum cut him off, and he was quiet for a long time as he listened. I looked up from my math homework once or twice to find him staring at me with an unfathomable look in his eyes. Each time I caught him, he quickly turned away and continued listening. I thought nothing of it. There was probably some family issue or maybe there was some new drama at the hospital in which she worked. Either way, it did not concern me. Or so I thought. When Mum finally came home that evening, about twenty minutes after she called, she immediately yelled for me. I slowly walked to her room, not knowing what to expect. She was sitting on her bed, her hands folded solemnly in her lap. Even in the bad light in her room, I could see that her eyes were red. “Mum?” I asked curiously, sitting down next to her. “Is everything okay?” “No,” she sniffed. “No, honey, you need to know somethin’, but it’s not gonna be easy to take.” My mind raced; I remember her telling me a couple years previously that Gran was dying. Her face was nearly the same. I could not imagine worse news than the news I received that night the Gran passed, but I would soon receive news that completely obliterated my mind. “Mollie, it’s – it’s about – it’s about Danny.” My heart dropped. Danny was my longtime boyfriend of almost two years; we had known each other as long as I could remember, and could tell each other anything. Wherever one of us was, the other was not far behind, whether it was on the soccer pitch, at Starbucks, or at school. Danny was my first true love. So naturally, I was a little panicked at hearing what my mom was saying. “What about Danny? Did something happen?” Mum only nodded her head, and she hid her face from me. My eyes welled up in fear. Goosebumps tingled up and down my body. I felt my pulse quicken, and my limbs were starting to lose feeling “What happened? Was there an accident?” She inhaled deeply, but I continued my rapid questioning. “It was the road, wasn’t it? His tires were always losin’ traction on those stupid main roads! I told him to get his car checked out, but he wouldn’t listen! Was he driving? Where is he, in the hospital? Mom, you’ve got to take me to him!” I jumped up and nearly darted from the room. I had to see him. “Mollie, stop.” I went back and sat next to her once again. She grabbed my hand. “Mollie, there wasn’t an accident. Danny was at school, runnin’ with the track team.” “So? He always runs with them, Mum, he’s on the team!” “Yes, Mollie, I know, just listen. They were almost finished with their run when he collapsed. He d-didn’t faint, he just c-collapsed. The – the paramedics – they tried to revive him, but-” “But what?” I demanded, not comprehending. “-but it was too late. He was gone.” My mother squeezed my hand as tears rolled down her face. I still worked to make sense of it all. “Gone? Y-you mean-” “Honey, Danny’s dead.” “How?” My voice cracked and my body went limp. “There was a condition with his heart,” she explained as my face turned to horror and confusion. “Nobody knew about it until it was too late.” I was too shocked to openly cry. I could feel the tears slowly start to seep out of the corners of my eyes, but my body and my mind separated at that moment. I was in turmoil. “Danny – Danny is… dead?” My mom was speechless. All she could do was nod her head. That was the final straw. My worst fears were confirmed. “No,” I protested, but that was the last intelligible word I murmured all night. I just hung my head on my mother’s shoulder and wept.
now ya know! any comments or other reactions to the big secret? lemme hear 'em! this was kind of a sad update, but it gets better. we're very near the end now, it wont be long!
*** based on a true story
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Post by mala1152 on Jul 7, 2011 10:16:35 GMT -5
another short update... very short!
Chapter 15 con't
Flashing back to the present, I found that my body was still numb as I relived the worst night of my life. It was too difficult to make sense of it all. Danny was gone, leaving me scarred and terrified of any memories. Now Damian was gone, too, which was exactly like losing Danny all over again. Without feeling my legs, I stood and began the short trip back home. I hadn’t even realized I sat down during my little flashback. My numb arms pushed Callan, who was still asleep, and his stroller down the long path once more. My head spun the entire way there. Damian….Danny…. it was too much. And why was I getting so upset over losing Damian? If what I’d told him was true and I didn’t love him, I should not be reacting this way. But who was I kidding? Riley had told me all along. I loved him, and I knew it. I couldn’t tell if it was enough. I loved Danny, too, but I lost him just the same. How could I be sure I wouldn’t lose Damian, too? Not to death, but if things didn’t work out, or if I became too much for him… If Danny’s… (I mentally stumbled over the word) death… killed a part of me as well, I could only imagine what losing Damian would feel like. My internal battle raged on. Without realizing it, we had returned home. Callan was still blissfully asleep, as he would remain for at least an hour, I presumed. I glanced down at his peaceful face, happily in dreamland, and I envied him. He had some escape; I did not. Even in my dreams, Danny’s death haunted me. As I carried Callan to his room, I suddenly felt how exhausted I actually was. It had been a long week, and the last hour did nothing to help my fatigue. It was just like last time, just like when Danny died; all the crying wore me thin, and I had no choice but to sleep in order to keep up my strength. I gently cradled Callan, compensating for every movement so as not to wake him. Carefully I laid him in my parents’ bed, right in the middle so he would not fall off, before I lay down next to him. I sighed as I drifted off to sleep. No matter how hard I tried, nothing could erase the images of the day from my mind…
ill update soon! i love the comments, keep it up!
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Post by mala1152 on Jul 9, 2011 21:24:13 GMT -5
an extra-long update... its almost over!Chapter 16 A loud ringing noise eventually woke me. Through the windows, I could see that the sun had already set. The bright red numbers from the alarm clock next to the bed read 5:12. The only question that remained was, who was calling me? My heart rate quickened. What if it was Damian? The caller ID denied my fear. It was Riley. “Hello?” I answered quietly. Callan was still snoring quietly beside me. “Mollie?” came Riley’s voice, too loud for the peaceful setting. “Are you home?” “Yes,” I answered robotically. “Why?” “Because I’m standin’ outside in the freezin’ cold and you’re not lettin’ me in! Can you open the door?” “Uh, sure,” I replied, confused. As if I needed any more confusion today! I snapped my phone shut and shuffled off to open the door. “Thanks,” said Riley once she crossed the threshold. “Wait!” cried a raspy voice from outside. “Don’t close the door!” Granddad was hurrying up the front steps, returning from… I couldn’t remember where. All I knew is that company was coming at exactly the wrong time. Riley and I moved over to allow Granddad to walk in the house. He shivered once, then began taking off his coat. “Holy hobnails is it cold outside!” exclaimed Granddad. “Tell me about it,” said Riley with a meaningful glance at me. “Where’s the kid?” asked Granddad when he saw that Callan was not in the living room. “In Mum and Dad’s bed. Be quiet, though, he’s sleepin’.” “He shouldn’t be sleepin’ this long! I’ll have to go wake him up,” said Granddad decidedly. Poor Callan; if I was him, I’d want to sleep as long as possible to escape the horrors of the day… “Why weren’t ya answerin’ the door?” asked Riley suddenly. I had only just sat down on the couch to relax! “I was knockin’ for a good ten minutes!” “Then why didn’t ya just come in?” I asked sourly. “Well I saw yer car in the garage and figured you’d answer eventually, but no! I had to call ya. What were ya doin’ anyway?” “Sleepin’,” I murmured. She paused, taking in my foul mood. “What’s the matter with you today? You’ve been a bucket of snots all week.” “Just tired, that’s all,” I lied. Riley sighed. “Hey, you,” she said, lightly slapping my face in order to get me to look at her. I really did not want to; she would see in my face that something was wrong. “I said hey!” she said, tilting my head back to finally look at her. I was right; she saw how terrible I looked and immediately knew something was up. “M&M? What’s wrong?” The Look was on her face, which only made me feel worse. I started getting all choked up. “Nothin’,” I said. “Why won’t you talk to me?” I glanced around, tears making the living room blurry. “Not here.” “Mr. McClanahan, I think I’m gonna kidnap your granddaughter. Is that alright?” Riley called warily to my Granddad, probably changing Callan’s diaper now. “Not too late,” he called right back. Riley had already grabbed me by the arm and was throwing my jacket onto my shoulders by the time he finished his answer. I quickly threw on my boots and followed her out to her car. She impatiently ignited the engine and buckled in, gesturing for me to do the same. I opened the door with heavy eyes and a heavier heart. Slowly, I sat in the passenger’s seat. We were still driving down a side street when she finally spoke. “Alright, now will you tell me what’s goin’ on?” Riley asked calmly and sympathetically. And just like that, I burst into tears. “… and then I just walked away,” I finished explaining to her. After I started crying, Riley just pulled over and let me cry into her shoulder. It took nearly a half hour to stop. Once I calmed down enough to articulate words intelligible to the human ear, I told my story, all the way from my run with Damian last week up to today. She listened without interrupting once. “Oh, honey,” she said soothed as the tears started again. “I don’t even know what to say. It all sounds so horrible.” “I know,” I sniffed. “At least ya still got me,” she joked. “It’s small consolation, but I’m here for ya, babe!” Riley actually managed to get a watery chuckle out of me, a real accomplishment. “Oh, Riles, I’ve ruined everythin’!” I said, slightly regaining control. “Everythin’ was good – or it was getting’ there. And now I’ve told him I don’t love him, and he’s never gonna bother with me again. I mean, look at me,” I said and I appraised myself in the side mirror; I was pale with red blotches all over my face, and my red-rimmed eyes looked wild with grief. “Molls,” Riley said, “If he really does love you, he’ll come back. The second his plane lands back in Ireland, I know you’ll be the one he’s dyin’ to see.” “You coulda phrased that a little better,” I mumbled. The words, ‘dying to see’ anything were not the best choice for the moment. “All I’m sayin’ is that it’s not over, whatever you think. You seriously think that a measly three months will change how you feel about him?” I shook my head. “Then why would it change how he feels about you?” she asked. I had to admit, her logic was airtight. “I know that,” I acknowledged, “But I’ve messed things up so bad this time.” “No kiddin’!” Riley exclaimed, to the small chuckle I unwillingly gave. “Riles, you’re supposed to be makin’ me feel better,” I accused. “I just don’t know what I could possibly say to Damian that could fix this. I already told him that I didn’t love him; what if he doesn’t even bother to give me the time of day? What if he won’t listen?” “Honey, I think he knows you were lyin’ to yourself. It was a bit obvious. That’s what he told you in the park, wasn’t it?” I nodded. Once again, I was speechless because of my throat constricting as I prepared to cry. “See? He already knows. He’s just been waitin’ for you.” I pondered that for a second. “But am I ready? Am I really over Danny yet?” “I don’t know,” Riley admitted. “But that’s what he’s been helpin’ you with, innit? He’s been helpin’ you move on.” Still unsure, I hung my head in my hands with an awful moan. Riley grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Mollie, this is a good thing. I know it. He’s good for you.” “I know,” I said again. “Then what’s stoppin’ you?” After the whole conversation we just had, about how Damian loves me, how we both know I love him, how even though Danny’s death still plagued me, I could move on, how Damian was ideal for me in so many ways… Lifting my head, I discovered that the question had no answer. gah! its almost over! i cant believe it! ill have the sequel up as soon as this one is over. but theres still some important stuff remaining in this story... i say theres about 2 - 3 updates left for "the secret." i hope you like the rest! comment and reply, as usual!
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Post by mala1152 on Jul 19, 2011 21:40:23 GMT -5
so i know its been a while since my last update, and i apologize, but i think that youll rather enjoy this update Chapter 17 The next morning, though my body dragged and my mind was clouded after a nearly sleepless night, I rolled out of bed and headed to my car. My anxiety was nearly tangible; so much was riding on this one day. Last night, I planned with Riley on the best way to tell Damian the truth of how I really felt about him. Meet him at the airport? No, too many people, and it would’ve been nearly impossible to find him. Go to his house? No, a little desperate. All I knew was that I wanted to tell him in person; over the phone was too impersonal, plus he could always just hang up. In the end, we decided that early in the morning, I’d call or text Damian and tell him to meet me at the park, where we were yesterday. Of course, the obvious problem I foresaw with this plan was that Damian wouldn’t show. Riley, however, was convinced that he would make an appearance. At seven o’clock that Saturday morning, I sent this simple text: meet me at the park. I understand if you don’t wanna come, just let me know you got this text.I wanted to tell him in person. His flight left at ten, so hopefully I’d have plenty of time to say what needed to be said before his departure. His departure… The words gouged a hole in my heart. As much as I would hate it, the coming scene would be one of farewell. Shaking it out of my mind, I sat silently on the same park bench as yesterday, and settled in to wait. 7:30 came and went. 7:45. 8:00. Now I was starting to lost hope. Maybe he wouldn’t come. I couldn’t blame him; the shock of my news and my cold rejection would have easily kept me away, if the roles had been reversed. 8:30. So this was it. A definite end, the final stand. He wouldn’t show, so we were probably history. Tears stung my eyes as I wallowed in self-pity and loss. After all Riley told me… after all my fears over losing Damian, they were finally being fulfilled. My eyes started burning; I could feel the tears coming. My head hung in despair. I don’t know how long I stayed like that, trying to hold back the tears that so desperately wished to spring forth. “Molls?” came a gentle voice, a deep voice… Eyes wide, I snapped my head up in surprise. I was so sure he wouldn’t come! “Damian?” “Hey,” he said sheepishly. “Hey.” I gestured to the bench. “Have a seat.” Damian’s eyes flashed in suspicion for a second, but he obediently took his place next to me on the bench. He turned so he was facing me, and I prepared myself with a deep breath. “So I know you’re probably a little wary about bein’ here after what happened yesterday, but just hear me out.” “Alrigh’, just say it.” I bowed my head again, trying to think of the best way to phrase everything. I tried to sort through so much again, to rehearse my mental speech I prepared yesterday… when I finally told myself, Screw it! Don’t give him some well-rehearsed monologue; tell him what you feel!Quickly, I lifted my head and gazed fiercely into his eyes. “Damian, I love you. And I don’t know why I didn’t tell you that yesterday; I’ve loved you for a while now, but I only just admitted it to myself. I know I haven’t exactly been 100% honest with you. That can change, but I’ll need some time, some time to get my thoughts and feelin’s in their right places. I guess I’ll have lots of time, since you’ll be away for so long… “And about that – I am upset that you’re leavin’. I’ll miss you. I can admit that now, too. I couldn’t see a lot o’ this before, that you were helpin’ me get better, to get out of this depression I’ve been in for months. Maybe I’m not entirely over Danny yet, but the bottom line is I love you. That’s all that matters, right?” Damian just looked taken aback. He stared at me, mouth hanging wide open, and scrutinized me to see if what I was saying was the truth. My heart was pounding and my eyes, burning this whole time, pricked suggestively; what he said now would either make or break me. Slowly, he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. The quality of speechlessness claimed both of us, for the moment. Deciding I needed to break the silence, I said the first thing that came to my mind. “Damia-” I started, but I’ll never know what else would have come out of my mouth, for at that moment, Damian kissed me. It was more tender than our kiss the previous day, but still just as intense. Damian softly held my face in his hands, and my hands twisted in his hair, sliding myself closer to him. Closing the small space between us on the bench, he leaned forward, and I, slightly dazed, leaned back. All the confusion and hopelessness from the past days was gone now; right then, that kiss, just proved that we did love each other. Damian was the one who pulled away; I, however, did not want the kiss to end! Breathlessly, we looked at each other. He gently pressed his lips to mine once more, then leaned back to look at me with a beaming smile on his handsome face. His lagoon blue eyes shone more brightly than I had ever seen them. “Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” My shoulders shrugged, my head shook, my eyes closed, and I actually smiled. “I get why you didn’t tell me,” Damian said, taking my hand, “But it’s okay. You can tell me; you can trust me.” “I know,” I declared gladly. “Then I guess we’re okay.” My eyes, which hadn’t stopped burning this whole time, finally produced the tears that lay hidden behind them. I turned my head away, ashamed of my tears. “What’s wrong?” he asked, slipping his arm around my shoulder. “Nothing,” I said with a chuckle. “These are happy tears, for once!” The sound of our laughter effectively ended our heavy conversation, and we spent the rest of our time together talking and laughing; it was the beginning of a new, happier era. gah, only one more update, and its the epilogue! i cant believe that this story is almost over, its gone by so fast, dont you think? ill start posting the sequel right away... im still thinking of a title. any feedback about the story as a whole? keep commenting and replying, but the chanting can come to a rest!
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Post by mala1152 on Jul 25, 2011 17:16:04 GMT -5
thank you all for the kind comments they are all very much appreciated! here is the last little bit...Epilogue Damian left for America later that morning; because of me, he very nearly missed his flight. Although I was sad to see him go, I felt happy that, upon our reunion in three months, we could finally be together in the way we wanted. I alternated between floating on air and dragging through the mud; my potent happiness and fervent sadness both threatened to overwhelm me at once, so they took turns. Riley soon became sick of it, even though she was delighted that things were finally looking up for me. In the three months Damian and I were apart, we still kept in close contact, but we could only take so much from emails and phone calls. I missed him every day, and my overwhelming feelings of losing Danny and Damian hindered me more than once. My depression was still present in spite of the way Damian made me feel, but not as bad. Mum became concerned and insisted I see a psychologist. Surprisingly, it helped; the therapist and I did not have deep, medical and psychological discussions and counseling, but instead we just… talked. She gave me advice and methods on how to conquer my little bouts of depression, and I eventually got better and didn’t have to see her anymore. So things were looking up. I knew that I’d always love Danny, but Damian was here for me to love in the present. When he returned, he saw that I was better, happier; so we were happier together. so... its kind of a happy ending, kind of not... it definitely leaves off on an unfinished note, hence the sequel! the sequel is called "The Unknown," and im about to go post the first part! i hope i can continue to write stories that you enjoy! read on!
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