|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 6, 2012 15:14:49 GMT -5
"You're leaving Harkin and that's that", Emily smiled with tears in her eyes.
"Doesn't mean we can't make this work", he knew he was pleading with her and how it must look, but it didn't matter.
"Yes it does," she took his hands,"I've known you since we were five years old, but you're going to be on the road in America of all places. I can't compete with that it wouldn't be fair to either one of us. I'll be leaving for Spain soon anyway."
"You're going to Spain?"
"Yeah, to live with my father for a bit. I want to study abroad and they have a great program there."
"So this is it then Em?", he gazed into the chocolate colored eyes before him.
"I think so" she nodded,"I'll always love you Harkin, always, but we're not kids anymore and while we had a good run. It's just time."
Keith nodded feeling his eyes burn,"I understand."
Emily leaned forward kissing him softly,"Good bye Keith Harkin."
"Goodbye Emily," he felt her hand slip out of his and watched her walk away. It was an odd ache that filled up, the sting of the cold ocen air did nothing to help the breathless that filled him.
Keith awoke with a start on the tour bus. He raked his fingers over his face as the light peeking through his bunk curtains came into focus. He hadn't dreamed about Emily in longer than he could remember, let alone relived their entire parting. Something had to have triggered it. He then looked at the phone next to him and remembered the text message from Emily's mom. He picked up the phone and clicked the button on the side allowing the message to illuminate. Rubbing his eyes one more time, he reread the message; Keith, it's Emily's mum. I'm so sorry to have to tell you like this. I wish there was another way. Emily was killed in an accident. She fell asleep at the wheel. I will let you know funeral arrangements. We love you, Keith, you meant a lot to our Emily. We hope to see you. Lots of love, Maddie" He let the phone go dark and made no move to get out of the bunk. He hadn't seen nor spoken to Emily since they had parted ways nearly four years earlier. He kept up with her through mutual friends and family members, but they had made a clean break. And now this, she was gone. There was nothing he could say or do, Emily was gone. How was he supposed to feel? He felt nothing, he was numb. He was numb and on a tour bus and all he wanted was to disappear, not perform for a crowd of thousands.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 7, 2012 8:32:19 GMT -5
As the bus rolled to a stop Keith opened the curtains of his bunk to see the venue they would be playing for the night. There would be fans somewhere milling about. His mind was already finding ways to try to avoid contact with anyone. He climbed out of the bunk brushing his shaggy blonde hair out of his eyes. He grabbed his backpack out of its spot near the back of the bus, after checking for his iPod and lap top he slipped a pair of sunglasses over his eyes and made his way to the front of the bus.
"Off the bus already?", Emmet arched an eyebrow at him.
"Ready to be off this thing", he retorted waiting for the door to open. As soon as it opened he was out of the door and inside the alcove where the trucks were parked. He kept his head down and went inside. There had to be somewhere that he could be by himself and try to process through every emotion that was coursing through his veins; pain, sadness, anger; it all boiled through every fiber at once. A confusing, swirling mass of blinding emotions. He found the door to the quick change room had already been marked, he glanced up quickly making sure no one would see him. Sneaking into the room, he closed the door behind him lifting the sunglasses to rest on the top of his head. Wardrobe racks had been moved in, tags fluttered in the breeze from the air conditioning units that pulsed with a low vibration. He unloaded his bag from his shoulder squeezing behind one of the larger racks. As he sank to the floor tears were suddenly flowing from his eyes, he couldn't stop them. His shoulders began to shake with the violent trembles. Images of Emily flooded his mind; the beautiful 5'5 brunette with dark chocoloate eyes to match. His best friend and confidant, starting at just five years of age when he had pulled her pony tail on the play ground. She had turned and slugged him hard, leaving him with a black eye. After that moment they were nearly inseperable. Using his backpack as a guard between the cold tile of the floor, Keith slid down and closed his eyes. If he could sleep, it wouldn't hurt as much, if he could just shut out everything else, the pain would be easier. He gulped the oxygen in the room attempting to fill his spasming lungs. He wasn't sure how long he had been there before he felt a hand on his back.
"Keith?", came a soft female voice,"Keith?", she shook him gently.
"I'm sleeping", he muttered willing the woman away.
"Keith, come on, please?"
He opened one aqua colored eye and peered at the woman, it was Allison, one of the wardrobe assitants,"Hey Alli-cat", he sighed.
"You okay?", she knelt down looking at him, as she got a closer look at him, it was obvious something was very wrong,"What's going on Keith?", she carefully brushed his hair away from his face, knowing she was one of the few people who could do this and get away with it.
He sat up not wanting to meet her eyes, afraid he would lose it again,"News from back home", he bit his lip,"A friend of mine passed away."
"Oh, I'm so sorry Keith", she took his hand,"anything I can do to help?"
"Not unless you can bring her back", he looked at her with tear glistened eyes.
Alli squeezed in next to him,"You wanna tell me about it?"
He shook his head before sighing and dropping his head into his hands,"a text message? How can you tell a person someone died in a text message? No call, no email, nothing slightly personal, just a text."
"Maybe they weren't sure what to do", she tried to comfort him,"You are on the road a lot."
"That's what caused the stupid thing in the first place, I left her", he felt guilt knawing at his stomach like an iron fist.
"Don't do that", she gave his hand a squeeze,"All of this will be a lot worse if you feel guilty."
"Can we just sit here Alli-cat? Just for a bit longer?", he looked at his friend with the sea green eyes.
"Course we can", she put an arm around his shoulders as he nestled his head against hers,"But if the girls dresses aren't ready for tonight, you get the blame."
"I'll take it", he managed a slight laugh.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 7, 2012 16:26:13 GMT -5
Alli stroked Keith's hair as his breathing became slow and deep. Who was this 'she' that he was talking about? She thought she knew most everyone in his life. It had physically hurt her when she saw him so vulnerable and curled up like a small child, the streaks from tears on his usually tanned cheeks. She wasn't sure how to deal with this emotion from him; the Keith she knew was always the jokester and loved to make people smile. That was until he got into his song writing mode; his sunny disposition turned to a concentrated frown. Writing lyrics and chords, hashing out what he thought sounded good or didn't fit right. This is the time she enjoyed most with him, he would ask her opinion of a new song or of a lyric he was having trouble with. Enjoying the quiet in the room, she sighed and closed her eyes, she attempted to remove her hand from his to adjust her position, but his fingers only gripped hers tighter. She was as comfortable as possible and before long she was asleep as well.
Alli was awakened by the door opening and light streaming through, she moved her feet and tried to make sure that she nor Keith could be seen behind the long dresses that hung from the rack.
"It's almost time for the meet and greet and no one has seen Keith", came Sharon Brown's voice.
"I can't find Allison either, I need her to make a repair for me", Emmet said from behind her.
"What happened?"
"Tear in my pants as per usual, what else is new?", he laughed.
"We'll get one of the other girls to fix it."
"Figure Alli and him got to goofing off somewhere."
"As per usual", Sharon herself laughed as she closed the door.
Alli took a a sigh of relief and looked down at the still sleeping Keith, his head was mostly in her lap and the blonde hair was swept across his face,"Hey sleeping beauty", she moved his hair,"Time to rise and shine."
"What time is it?", he mumbled reluctant to move.
"Apparently almost meet and greet time."
"Sharon will get one of the others to cover it, I don't feel like mingling with anyone," he sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"You look like crap," she pinched his cheek trying to urge a smile from him.
"Not gonna happen Al", he looked at her.
She could see the anguish all to present in his usually bright aqua colored eyes,"If it was up to me, you wouldn't have to do this tonight. But it's the last show for the next few weeks. Just go out there and do it."
"How am I supposed to? How am I supposed to look happy and dance and put on some show when all I want is to be back here away from it all?"
"It's an act right? A show? So go out there and act it! Give the audience what they paid for tonight. You are a showman and despite everything you always put on the game face. Do it one more time tonight, I'll even help you sneak out afterwards."
She was right and he knew it. He just had to put on an act, that's all it was. An act to give people a good show, then when it was all done he could fall apart,"Thanks Alli-cat", he kissed her cheek.
"Come on, guess Emmet needs pants repaired. Swear that boy goes through more zippers than anyone I have ever seen."
"If the costumes weren't so well fitted", he teased.
"Go on with you", she shoved him playfully,"Grab your suit!", she called as an after thought.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 8, 2012 12:55:54 GMT -5
Alli went about her routine of fixing snags, rips, and tears in the clothes. She was just an assistant so her job on the tour was not as glamorous as people would think it was. Being a band member's cousin had been a help in getting her the job, but she had made sure to stand on her own. Declan, the drummer was her cousin and at a family gatherings he would talk about the group and the tours that he had been a part of over the last few years. Alli was in her final year of design school and thought it would be a great learning experience. She talked with her cousin and he agreed to try and lend a hand at getting her on the tour. Sharon had reviewed her resume and skills and agreed to let her come on as an assistant. It was more than she had hoped for. After graduation she had flown to Dublin to begin working with the other designers on the look and feel of the new show. After months of work and fittings with the guys, she finally felt a part of things.
It was at one of the final fittings that she met Keith for the first time. She was taken with him, but who wouldn't be with that roguish, surfer look; blonde hair, aqua eyes, skin that had seen a good amount of time in the sun. He had the looks alright, but she was not going to allow herself to be distracted on what was the biggest opportunity of her life. That was until he had opened his mouth and started to talk to her like they were the oldest of friends. He had heard about her from Declan and how did she like the job? Did she plan guitar? Did she surf or like the beach? His questions were fired like a machine gun and before long the two had struck up quite a friendship, one that Declan was not always the fondest of.
"You and Harkin off somewhere again?", came Declan's voice behind her.
"Hello to you too", she turned plastering a smile on her face,"Need something fixed?"
"Nope", he sat in the chair across from her"But you two disappearing doesn't look good for either one of you."
"Are we really going to go through this again?", she slammed down the spool of thread she had been using,"You playing the older brother role, me feeling like the insignificant little girl who can't take care of herself? Because really Deco, it's old and I'm tired of it."
"Can't you see I'm trying to protect you?"
"From what exactly?"
"You got this job because of me!"
"Don't you dare!", she scoffed,"Don't pull that card, I turned in my resume, had samples, and recommendations. You may have suggested me, but I had to go through the same as everyone else."
"But running off constantly with Keith, keeping him away from meet and greets and rehearsals."
"That has nothing to do with me at all! You have no idea about what is going on in his life. He lost someone today, he got a text message that someone died. Happy now?", she felt the anger surging through veins, like a rapidly spreading fire.
"Allison, I'm sorry", he attempted quickly.
"Just go, Declan", she turned back to her work.
"Alli, come on", he said gently.
"I said go!"
"Fine, fine", he said retreating towards the door,"Tell Keith I'm sorry."
"Sure you are", she gave a sarcastic laugh as she heard the door close. Another fight with her cousin to add to the hundreds they had had over the last few months.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 9, 2012 12:55:12 GMT -5
Keith buttoned the last few buttons on the white shirt he would wear for the opening number,"Give them a show", he said to himself. Just a few hours and he would be free, he suddenly felt claustrophobic at the thought of those few hours. Not all of the time would be spent on stage, but enough of it would. He tried rolling his neck to loosen his nerves, humming a few bars of a song and pacing the room.
"Not helping is it?", Alli came in with a jacket slung over her arm.
"Not in the least", he sank down onto a folding chair,"I don't know how I can do this."
"It'll fly by and we'll be back at the hotel before you know it. Stand up, so I can make sure the hems are good."
"Okay sargeant", he smiled.
"Made you smile", she said kneeling down and inspecting the hem on the pants,"You haven't torn the hem for once!."
"You're job's hard enough Al", he helped her to stand,"Least I can do is manage not to rip a part of an outfit for a night."
"Thanks", she smiled,"Listen, after the final number meet me in the quick change room. I'll have a wrack of clothes ready to take out, you can sneak along side it to the bus."
"You're a genius", he said as the door was opened and they were given a five minute warning.
"Go, have a good show", she kissed his cheek and picked the jacket back up. She had to make sure the kilts were set and ready for the final number as well as suit jackets and a few other items.
Keith did exactly as Alli had said. He went out on stage and put on the show of his life. He nailed every note, nuance, and personality inflection for his songs. A few of them would start to bring the pain to the surface but he quickly sent it back down inside. As they gave their final bows and waves he found that the show had indeed flown by and he jogged to the quick change room.
"I have clean clothes on the couch for you", Alli said as Keith ran into the room shirt already unbuttoned.
"Thanks", he shed the shirt quickly pulling the clean one in place. He tossed the clothes over his head towards the wracks.
"Oh, gross!". Alli shrieked,"Really Keith?", she pulled the sweaty jacket and shirt away from her.
"Sorry Alli-cat", he laughed,"It's quick change right?"
"You're still gross", she tossed back as she placed the dirty clothes in a pile,"Ready yet?
"Yep", he finished the belt on his jeans"are you?"
"Let's go", she began pushing the wrack towards the back exit",Keep your head down", she said giving his blonde head a shove.
"Ow!", he swatted at her hand,"Sorry I am six feet tall and having to nearly waddle."
"Hey, I am doing this for you so shut it," she kept an eye towards the fence where fans were gathering and shouting towards the buses.
"Are we almost there?"
"Few more feet", she said as the got to the bus. She punched the code into the door,"It's open."
"I owe you", he gave her a wink as he climbed on the bus.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 9, 2012 15:35:04 GMT -5
Keith made sure the shades on the bus were closed before retreating for a quick shower. As the hot water poured over him he felt the tension in his shoulders and back begin to ease some. He towled off and dressed in loose jeans and an old t-shirt. Pulling out his lap top he settled onto one of the couches. After allowing the computer to power up, he took a deep breath and opened a folder called "Em"; she stared back at him, wide eyed and happy. He remembered the photo, her sixteenth birthday. She was attempting to hug the old beater of a car she had been given. But she had never looked so happy than at that moment. The next photo was of the two of them making goofy faces at the camera. That's what he remembered most about Emily; the fun they had together, the laughing, smiling. Never taking life too seriously.
He had become unaware of the tears that slid down his cheeks until they splashed across the keys of the lap top. He closed the screen and put his head back against the cushions. The two week break was exactly what he needed. Time to sort through the emotions and deal with the loss of Emily. He had let her go those four years ago and now it was a loss all over again, but this loss was a forever loss. The idea brought on a fresh wave of tears and hiccups that hurt his chest."Breathe", he said mentally to himself. He took deep breaths through his nose and released them as easily as possible through his mouth. He knew whoever came onto the bus would start to question him, he only prayed that it would be Alli, he wasn't ready to share with anyone else. He needed time. He put the laptop away, made himself a cup of tea, and tried to clear the red blotches from his face.
"There you are", Emmet climbed on the bus,"They were asking for you out there."
"Just not up to it tonight", he answered sipping the hot liquid.
"You okay mate?", he looked at his friend and bandmate with concern.
"Don't feel like talking much", he took his tea to the back,"Let me know when we get to the hotel."
"Will do", he shrugged as the door closed on the back room.
"Where's the craic?", Ryan said climbing on board followed by George and Neil.
"Not on this bus", Emmet said,"Something's up with Keith, he's brooding."
"Eh, just probably eager to get back to the hotel", George said,"Least Daniel is on the bus with Sharon so we can have pint", he opened the small refrigerator and passed beers to the others.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 9, 2012 15:47:27 GMT -5
Alli finished packing away the costumes, made sure the cases were rolled out to the right trucks and finally, wearily made her way out to where the last buses were. She glanced at her watch that read midnight,"Party is barely starting", she yawned climbing up the stairs.
"Hey Al!", Elena one of the other wardrobe ladies smiled at her,"Ready to get going?"
"Ready for bed", she laughed plopping herself onto the couch.
"Nonsense!", the woman said with laughing brown eyes,"You know there's a party to be gone too."
"Not tonight Elena, I have to be up and to the laundromat by six am. Definitely not in the partying mood tonight."
"I'm sure if Keith was there you would", she elbowed her playfully and wriggled her eyebrows.
"Not really", she laughed,"You know he and I are friends."
"That would mean a lot more if your cousin didn't hate the fact that you two get on so well."
"My cousin can be a bit of an over bearing jerk sometimes. He needs to mind his own business."
"You do like him though don't you?"
"Course I like my cousin."
"Not him", she laughed,"Keith!"
"As a friend of course I do."
"No, it's more than that girly," she turned propping her head against her hand.
"No it's not", Alli stood up only to be pulled back down,"Elena, we aren't going to discuss this."
"So just admit that you like him and I'll let you be. Come on, even that silly pet name Alli-cat, that he calls you."
"It's a nickname, that's all."
"Then why are you smiling right now?"
"Because I am tired and want to get some sleep."
"Fine Alli-cat", she teased,"I'll let you off this time, but I want to see something between you two before long. It's been months now."
"Months of what? Fittings, rehearsals, touring? That's all it's been!", she stood up,"I'm grabbing a drink," she opened the refrigerator and grabbed a Smithwick's,"Talk to me when I'm in a better mood", she took a swig and kicked off her shoes as she went to lay in her bunk for the ride to the hotel.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 12, 2012 14:13:11 GMT -5
*I do not know Declan's parents names nor anything about his family. Forgive any inacuracy as it is unintentional*
Keith waited until everyone had left to attend the after party in one of the large suites. He sauntered barefoot to where he knew Alli's hotel room would be. He brushed his hair away from his eyes as he knocked on the door. He was surprised to see Elena open the door, he figured she have been at the party.
"Hey there!", she smiled,"What can we do for you?"
"I um.....I just...came to talk to Alli," he shoved his hands in his pockets,"She here?"
"Think she's just out of the shower, let me check", she let the door close behind her,"Alli?", she called through the closed bathroom door.
"I'm out, sorry", she opened the door allowing the steam to flow out, she wore flannel pants and a tank top, a towel wrapped around her head.
Elena couldn't help but giggle,"Your favorite guy is at the door."
"If you mean Keith, knock it off. I don't need a hard time from you", she removed the towel combing out her long brunette locks.
"Well, I do mean Keith", she leaned against the door frame,"Should I let him in?"
"No, leave him in the hallway", she rolled her eyes.
"Wow! Okay", she laughed holding her hands up in defense.
"Sorry, sorry", she sighed,"I'm just exhausted, that's all."
"I'll let him in and them I'm off to the party."
"Have fun, seeing as it's almost two in the morning," she switched the light off and grabbed the tv remote.
"She's in a happy mood",Elena gave Keith a wink as she walked out of the room.
"Clear to come in?", Keith called before entering.
"I'm in my pajamas, you've seen worse,"was the reply received.
Keith walked in and was greeted by a warm, sweet scent that wafted lazily through the room, the smell was definitely Alli,"You look comfy", he said sitting next to her on the bed.
"Showers do wonders for people", she looked at him,"How are you?"
"I don't know", he looked at her,"It hurts.......a lot."
"You want to tell me about her?", she clicked off the television and turned to face him.
"Truth be told", he swallowed hard, picking at a thread on the blanket,"I don't know if I can."
"Please know that you can trust me", she took his hands in hers,"If nothing else, know that."
"I know I can", he gave her a half smile,"I think I'm scared of what talking about her will bring up", he leaned against the head board and closed his eyes with a sigh.
Alli sat and simply listened to him breathe, keeping one of his hands in hers,"I remember what it was like when I lost my parents. It was worse than any pain I had ever imagined. I remember being eight years old and sitting on the front steps; I sat there because I knew at any moment they would come walking up. That there had been a mistake and that they were still alive. Even when Aunt Margaret and Uncle John came from Ireland to pack me up, it still didn't seem real. When we got to Ireland I would sit outside every morning before school and wait, after school I would wait, at night I would wait. Until finally one day Aunt Margaret told me I couldn't wait anymore. I kicked, screamed and fought against her until I was exhausted. Only then did the tears come, only then did I finally realize my mom and dad would never be coming back again."
"You were only eight years old?", he looked at her.
"Yeah", she swiped quickly at her eyes,"But the point is, you won't accept it until you're ready or until a situation forces you too. But I am not going to force you to do or say anything. In time you will be ready and then you'll be able to talk about it."
Keith took a deep breath and squeezed her hand,"Emily O'Connor and I met when we were but five years old. On a playground at school", he couldn't help but smile at the memory. He continued with the story of the playground and how they had been inseperable. Their awkward phase of not knowing what type of relationship they had when they were in their early teens; the first time either one of them had said the words, I love you and known it meant something much different. He told her everything up until the last time they had spoken and said goodbye. Only days before he left forthe first tour with Celtic Thunder. How it had nearly broken him, but they had agreed it was time to move on and they had seperate lives now,"That was the last time I actually saw her," he sniffed and attempted to clear his throat.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 13, 2012 15:29:45 GMT -5
"You never bumped into each other or anything?", Alli asked.
"Nope", he shook his head,"After she moved to Spain to do her program, I never saw her again. We had mutual friends who she kept in touch with, but I think it was easier for her. Like I said, a clean break."
"So all those years and then you two just stopped", she sighed,"It's hard to lose someone like that", she slid up next to him bringing her knees to her chest,"It's not going to stop hurting Keith, not for a long time. But one day, one day you wake up and suddenly the sky is blue again, you wake up without the pain and the terror of knowing that reality is going to hit yet again. It's cliche, but it gets better with time."
"I believe you", he rested his head on her shoulder,"I'm waiting for her mum to send me information on the funeral."
"Let me know when you find out, I will go with you if you want."
"Are you sure?", he looked up at her.
"Of course I'm sure", she smiled,"You need someone to hold your hand and I will be happy to be that someone."
"You really are the best Alli- cat", he kissed her temple.
"Thanks I try", she laughed as she looked at the clock on the table", and it's five in the morning."
"You're kidding?", he reached over her grabbing the clock.
"You're heavy", she laughed pushing at him.
"Squishing ya?", he teased pressing harder against her.
"Get off me!", she pushed him harder,"I have to go to the laundromat."
"Want company?"
"If it'll get you off my lap, then fine."
"Where are the bags?", he sat up.
"In the closet", she went to dig suitable clothes out of her bag,"Go change and meet me back here."
"Be right back Alli-cat", he trotted out of the room to go back to his own. He reflected on the conversation will Alli, it had been easy to talk to her. It had been easy with her since the day they met, she was fun and witty. Always up for a random song writing or guitar session. He enjoyed her company, more than he wanted to admit, especially with just losing Emily. He sighed to himself as he thought of her. Could Alli be a new Emily? The thought was almost too painful to give full attention to. He shook his head as he slid the key card into the door. There was too much right now, he had to sort through the old before he could begin with something new.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 14, 2012 14:08:21 GMT -5
Keith adjusted the tie at his neck and pulled on the suit jacket. It was a gray, dreary day in Ireland. What else was expected of fall? Wind whipped in from the seas carrying an icey sheet of rain with it, he watched it from the window of his flat. The memories that Donegal held for him had rushed to the surface the moment he and Alli had stepped off the plane. He had not been himself for the last few days and he knew it. He had been short with Alli, not meaning too. But she didn't bat an eye, just smiled and went along with what ever they were doing at the time. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a knock at the bedroom door,"Coming", he called slipping his wallet into his pocket.
"Just checking on you", Alli said holding her jacket over her arm.
Even in the simple black dress with long sleeves, she looked amazing, a silver belt hugged her trim waist and her hair was loose, held back on both sides with small combs,"Sorry," he said quickly.
"Nothing to be sorry for", she gave his arm a gentle squeeze,"Do you want me to drive?"
"No, it will give me something to concentrate on", he swallowed thickly as they walked to the door. He pulled out a large umbrella before they went out into the deluge. He slipped an arm around Alli's waist to keep her under the cover of the umbrella. She was warm next to him, a steady rock against what he knew was going to be one of the hardest days of his life. He let her into the passengar side and then slid himself into the driver's seat closing the umbrella. Alli's hand found his as he drove.
"You'll get through this, I promise", she said encouragingly.
"You'll stay with me right?", he looked at her.
She could see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes,"I'll be right by your side", she squeezed his hand,"Whever you need me to be or what ever you want me to do, just say the word."
"What was it like for you, at your parents funeral?"
"I was only eight years old", she said looking out the window,"I was pretty much numb and wanted to hide from everyone."
"More or less what I am feeling right now", he sighed as he pulled into the parking lot of the small church where the service was being held.
"It's fine to feel that way Keith", Alli turned as best she could in her seat,"No two people will have the same experiences when it comes to grief, let yourself feel what you feel. It's important to honor that within yourself."
Keith nodded and suddenly grabbed her in a tight embrace,"In case I don't say it later, thank you."
"You're welcome", she said softly as they seperated. She waited as he came around her side of the vehicle with the umbrella. The church was warm and quiet. The silence interrupted my soft condolences and words of encouragement as people greeted the family and filed in. A casket was at the front of the church draped with a blanket of flowers, it was closed, but a top it sat a photo of a beautiful young woman with dark chocolate eyes and hair to match; she sat amongst a field of sunflowers a wide smile on her face.
"Keith!", an older woman with the same eyes said with a smile,"You made it."
"Mrs. O'Connor", he let go of Alli's hand to hug the woman,"I'm so sorry."
"Thank you," woman nodded and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue,"It wouldn't have been right to say goodbye to her and not have you here."
"I just wish it had been different circumstances that brought me to her again," he felt his voice catch as he looked at the casket, thanking the heavens that it was closed.
"Emily loved you, even after you two went your different ways, she still loved you."
He nodded,"She's never left my heart."
"Will we see you after?"
"I'll try", he kissed her cheek before standing up. He looked at Alli and then at the casket.
"Go ahead", she said placing a hand on his arm. She followed him to the front of the church, stepping to the side to allow him a moment.
"Oh Em", he sighed placing a hand against the casket,"What were you thinking? Falling asleep at the wheel? Probably trying to get home from a late night or a long shift at the hospital," he felt the lump in his throat as he looked at her photo,"I'm sorry Em," he felt the tears sting his eyes,"I'm so sorry for leaving, we shouldn't have ended like that," he felt the pain slash his heart like a blade through flesh. It formed a jagged wound that pulsed and throbbed,"I should have been there."
"Keith", Alli said as she put an arm around his shoulders,"Let's go sit down."
"Yeah", he said allowing her to lead him away. He sank into the pew and stared straight ahead feeling. Staring at nothing, at everything, he wasn't sure.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 15, 2012 7:42:55 GMT -5
After the service Alli waited at the back of the church while Keith said goodbye to Emily's family. He had decided not to attend the grave side service as another goodbye would be too difficult. She buttoned her coat against the chill that blew in from outside and held the small clutch in her hand, she placed a smile on her face as Keith made his way towards her,"Are you ready to go?"
"I need to get some air", he said going out the door and gulping in the cold moist air.
"Take it easy", she said rubbing his back, she could feel the tremors rolling off him.
"Can we get a drink or something?", he looked at her.
"If that's what you want to do", she nodded,"I'll drive though."
"No, I can", he shook his head.
"No arguing",she said gently and held her hand out.
"Fine", he placed the keys in her hand. They drove in a cloud of silence to a near by pub. Lights glowed warmly from the inside and the scents of pub food driting lazily from the smoking stack in the rear of the small building.
Alli knew what it was to have people try and force you to talk about your feelings. She did nothing to try and break the silence that she and Keith sat in. He would talk when he was ready, she only hoped that wouldn't try to drown what he was feeling in pints of Guinness. She knew that hope was far fetched as he nearly chugged the first glass he was brought,"Careful there boy'o", she smiled.
"Not today Alli-cat, please", he sighed.
"You want a nasty hang over, then by all means continue", she sat back crossing her legs and looking around the pub.
"Don't get judgmental on me", he said with anger,"I just want to relax and try to forget about what I had to do."
"I am not judging you Keith", Allisaid choosing her words carefully,"I'm just saying to slow down, drinking is not going to make it go away."
"It'll help for a bit."
"If you think so", she shrugged sipping a glass of water.
"I do think so at this moment, sorry if you don't agree."
"It's not up to me Keith", she matched his glare,"I'll be happy to drive you home once you've had enough."
"God, do you hear yourself?", he took a long pull from the second glass that was set on the table.
Alli took a deep breath to keep herself from tossing the dark beer on him,"I'm giving the bar keep my number. They will call me when you've decided to be done," she stood up pulling her coat on.
"Don't go Alli-cat", he looked up at her.
"If you value our friendship at all, you will let me go home and calm down. I can't do this right now."
"Fine", he grumbled as he watched her walk to the bar. Who did she think she was bossing him around like a child? Talking to him as if she were his mother? That condescending tone. He was the one who had just lost someone, not her. He let these thoughts jumble around in his head as he order round after round of drinks for himself. He wasn't sure how late it was or exactly how much he had had to drink, but he knew he needed Alli, she would take care of him. He could scarecly remember what had happened or why she had left, but he needed her now. The drinks had made his head swim and his words slur, but he had conveyed to the waitress that he needed Alli and before long he felt arms helping to lift him from his seat.
"Thank you", Alli said to Sam the bar keep, a big burly man of forty or so.
"He kept asking for you, so figured it was time to call", he closed the car door.
"He's normally not like this", she sighed,"He went to a funeral today."
"Aye, tis understandable," he nodded,"You be all right gettin him home?"
"We'll be fine, thanks again Sam", she went to her side of the car and reved the engine. She looked over at Keith who now slept, his head against the cool glass,"We'll get you home and into bed", she ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. She had been angry earlier, but she knew where he was emotionally and she couldn't blame him for lashing out, it was always said that those closest are the ones hurt the worst. She pulled the car to a stop and walked around to Keith's side,"Come on you", she helped him to stand.
"I'm so.....so......sorry Alli", he said feeling his words slur and his feet not quite supporting him.
"It's all right love", she opened the door and got him to the couch.
"Is no okay", he tried to keep his eyes open as she removed his shoes and pulled a blanket over him.
"You'll be paying for it soon enough", she smiled sitting on the edge of the couch.
"Stay with me", he caught her hand in his holding it against his chest.
"I'll be right here", she said softly as she began to hum and gently stroke the mist soaked blonde hair. She watched as his eyes fluttered closed and soon he was fast asleep. She stayed with him a bit longer before untangling her hand from his and going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She left a cup of water and some pain medicine on the small table by the couch and crawled into bed close to midnight.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 15, 2012 15:50:47 GMT -5
Keith awoke with a throbbing headache, rubbinghis eyes he noticed the two pills and water on the table. He sat up taking them gratefully. He looked at his watch in the small amount of light that streamed in from the street. It was barely three in the morning. He groaned noticing he was still in his suit pants and shirt from the funeral, he stood up unbuttoning his shirt and suddenly thought of Alli. He went quickly to the bedroom and saw her fast asleep, she was facing the open door, lips slightly parted, her long hair was pulled into a loose pony tail with some of it escaping across her cheek. He made his way quietly into the room and watched her for a moment,"I'm sorry Alli-cat", he whispered carefully tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her cheek. He pulled the blanket around her and grabbed some clothes to change into. He had hurt her and he knew it. She was simply trying to be a friend to him, trying to take care of him and he had lashed out at her as if something were her fault. She hadn't caused his pain, in fact she had eased a lot of it. He knew he still had emotions to deal with and he would eventually be willing to close the chapter of his life that had involved Emily. He sighed as he lay back down on the couch, drinking more water and hoping the throbbing in his temples would soon come to an end. Where was it all leading too? What was the point of the journey that he had been thrust into with Emily's death? It was too much to think about with the pain in his head, he drifted to sleep with his mind a swirling mess of different thoughts.
Alli wrapped the towel around herself and peered into the living room where Keith still slept, she tiptoed behind the couch.
"You shouldn't be so loud when you shower", Keith said.
"Keith!", she shrieked running into the bedroom holding the towel against her,"Thought you were asleep," she called through the closed door.
He sat up stretching with a laugh,"Sorry Alli-cat, but all that racket you made in there."
"I was trying to find something clean in there! How often do you do any laundry?", she pulled on a pair of jeans and black v-neck shirt.
"Well, seeing as we are usually on the road, you typically do it for me."
"Nice", she came out rolling her eyes,"There's coffe if you want some," she walked past him.
"Alli", he grabbed her arm,"About yesterday and last night, I'm really sorry."
She sighed and looked at him,"You honestly hurt me yesterday Keith", she pulled her arm from his hand,"After everything I have done for you, this trip I made. Then you said what you did at the pub," she shook her head,"It just wasn't fair."
"I know Al, I know", he wanted to reach for her, but thought better of it,"I feel horrible about it. You have been amazing and such a life line over the last week. I had no right."
"You're right," she agreed,"You didn't have any right to treat me like that."
"Can I make it up to you?", he asked,"Somehow?"
"I'm going home to Sanfrancisco for the next two weeks of break," she shrugged.
"I'll come with you!", he said excitedly,"I'll take care of you like you have done for me."
"Slow down there cowboy,"she laughed,"Your version of a well rounded meal is pizza and a beer."
"What's wrong with that?", he grinned.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 16, 2012 10:13:26 GMT -5
"Why do you call San Francisco home?", Keith asked as they collected their luggage.
"It's where I lived until my parents died,"Alli said pulling her sunglasses over her eyes,"My junior year I got accepted into the design school here. After gradution I moved to start school and I have been here ever since."
"Deco too much to deal with?", he laughed.
"You're hilarious you know that?", she rolled her eyes behind the dark lenses. She stepped onto the curb hailing a taxi.
"You're sarcastic, you know that?", he turned the comment back to her.
"I do as a matter of fact", she smiled as a small van pulled over. They loaded the bags into the back and were on their way. The hills of San Francisco were long and deep. The November air blew in cold and crisp on the Pacific. The sky was a soft powder blue with thin whisps of clouds. The van pulled to a stop in front of an older looking white building with bay windows,"Home sweet home", Alli climbed out of the van first.
"What a view!", Keith held his hand up to shield his eyes and looked down the hill towards the spakling blue of the water.
"Part of why I chose this place", she paid the cab driver,"You gonna gawk or give me a hand with the bags?"
"Sorry", he said pulling himself back to reality,"I get a tour right?"
"After we unpack and try to get rid of some jet lag."
"We have to at least get food", he said as his stomach rumbled.
"Oh yeah, we will have to go shopping. I have nothing, being out on tour means nothing gets left in the refridgerator."
"Not even beer?"
"Not even beer", she laughed,"Welcome to my little corner of the world," she opened the door to the spacious apartment. The sun splashed across the wooden floors, casting small rainbows in the glass; a fire place was to the right surrounded by a red, plush couch and love seat, an over sized matching chair completed the look. The kitchen was open with a bar that seperated it from the dining area,"It's only one bedroom and bathroom. I have clean sheets and everything, so we'll get the couch made up tonight."
"You have really great place here", Keith commented looking out the large windows.
"Thanks", she sighed sinking into the large couch,"I have missed my comfy couch."
"Welcome home!", came a voice from the doorway.
"Matt!", Alli looked up and ran to the young man throwing her arms around him.
"Hey you!", he laughed squeezing her tight,"How has the tour been? You haven't called lately."
"It's been a little crazy", she laughed and then noticed Keith standing awkwardly trying not to stare,"Matt, this is Keith, he is a member of the group I have been on the road with."
"Nice to meet you", Matt extended his hand to the blonde.
"Like wise", Keith shook his hand briefly.
"Matt has been my neighbor for what? Almost three years now?"
"About right", he smiled,"I made sure to have the water and power turned on a few days ago. I knew you had a break coming up."
"Best neighbor ever!", she said high fiving him,"How's Lindsay?"
"She's good, about to pop though."
"We'll all have to get together while I'm here."
"I'll let you two get settled, you know where I am."
"Thanks again Matt", Alli hugged him and closed the door.
"Who's that?", Keith asked lounging in the large chair.
"Already said, he's my neighbor."
"Seems a bit friendly", he crossed his feet.
"We're friends, and friends tend to be friendly," she eyed him.
"Who's Lindsay then?"
"His wife," a grin suddenly breaking out on her face,"Did you think Matt and I?"
"No", he said quickly.
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 18, 2012 13:11:52 GMT -5
"Yes you did", Alli teased crossing her arms.
"No I didn't", he said trying to keep the flush from his face.
"What if he had been?", she challenged with a smile.
Keith tried not to look right at her,"Would've been your business", he said with a shrug.
"Whatever tough guy", she ruffled his hair playfully.
"You should know better", he grabbed her arm pulling her on top of him.
"Let me go", she laughed feeling his fingers dig into her sides.
"I win!", he said grabbing her wrists pinning them against her.
"You should let me up", she swallowed realizing the compromising position they were currently in.
"I suppose", he said almost in a whisper his face coming closer to hers.
Alli quickly twisted herself and rolled onto the floor,"Looks like I win", she forced a smile,"I'm going to get refreshed, there's a couple of take out menus on the refrigerator."
"In the mood for anything?", he called down the hallway after her.
"Chinese!", she called back. She grabbed a few things and went into the bathroom. Had Keith just nearly kissed her? Had she actually stopped him? He was vulnerable and probably feeling lonely. She nodded making the decision in her head. It hadn't been anything, but an accident. He was still dealing with Emily's death and they had been on a long flight. It had probably gotten to him; but why had he asked about Matt? Why had he seemed so interested to know who and what he was to her? They had two weeks to get through, this was only the first day. Having Keith on the couch every night was going to make her life a lot more interesting than originally thought. She had to keep it friendly, she wasn't ready for someone like that in her life and neither was Keith. The hot water and steam worked wonders for the thoughts and scenarios that had raced through her head moments before.
Keith made their order and started going through the cabinets to find plates and silver ware. He had almost made a move on the girl that was his best friend, it wasn't supposed to happen, but it did. What had possessed him? Was it because she was there or was it more? Alli was more to him than that and he didn't want the risk of complicating things between them. He wanted the next two weeks to go smoothly and easily, he didn't want tension between them. Keep his distance, that's what he had to do. He put the plates and silverware out on the small dining room table as he waited for their food to arrive and Alli to finish in the shower. He made sure everything was set and then went into the living room propping his feet up. He looked up and felt his stomach twist into knots; Alli was toweling off her hair dressed in flannel pants and an old t-shirt. The same warm, soft, sweet scent from the hotel followed her.
"Dinner here yet?", she looked at him.
"Uh.....no, no", he shook his head.
"You okay?"
"Yep", he answered,"Little jet lag setting in."
|
|
|
Post by fallingn2ct on Mar 19, 2012 14:40:54 GMT -5
Over the next week Keith marveled at how Alli acted as if nothing had happened between them. She didn't change her attitude towards him in anyway. She toured him around San Francisco; Fisherman's Wharf, China Town, Union Square, and some places he had no idea even existed. He had never felt more relaxed with a person before, Emily had been familiar and someone he knew inside and out, she had been his comfort zone. But Alli; Alli had taken him by surprise. She was beautiful with the long brunette hair and sea green eyes, 5'10 with a trim build. At night, after a long day she went from contacts to glasses, she dressed how she wanted too, not what the latest trends dictated. She was her own person and wanted nothing from him. It was easy with her, being himself was easy. He didn't have to pretend or hide, he could just be. He knew they barely had a week left of the break, but the week so far had been one of the happiest he could remember.
"We're going to Golden Gate Park", Alli announced tugging a sweatshirt over her head.
"Aren't you tired of playing tour guide?", Keith asked taking a bite of cereal.
"I never get tired of Golden Gate", she replied pouring a mug of coffee,"They have this gorgeous Conservatory that I could just stay in for days."
"What's it got in it? Flowers or something?" he scooped up another mouthful of cereal.
"Something like that", she said sipping the steaming liquid,"Okay, you are not allowed to make coffee any more", she sputtered.
"What? It's not good?"
"You're Irish, stick to the tea", she poured the contents down the drain of the sink.
"I tried", he pouted playfully.
"And I appreciate it", she rinsed her mouth out,"I'll just have a soda instead," she reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a can,"Go get dressed so we can go."
"No rest for the wicked", he teased carrying his bowl to the living room to get clothes from his suit case.
"You wanted to see San Francisco so I am making sure you do", she laughed.
"Not at the expense of complete exhaustion!", he called back to her.
"Oh hush and get ready!", she put a bagel in the toaster. She sighed, one more week and then she could be around other people. She could stop pretending that nothing had almost happened between them, that spending every day together made her happier than she had been in a long time. That the lack of cologne he wore made him smell that much better, that she liked it when he would push his hair back away from his eyes; his eyes, those deep aqua pools that could leave her breahless with one look,"Get a grip", she mumbled to herself. Neith one of them had spoken about their first night and what had nearly happened, it was better that way, she felt. No complications, emotions weren't involved, nothing could get messy. Was it easier lying to herself and pretending around Keith? It wasn't easy at all, but she didn't want to lose the friendship that they had built. He was the first person in a long time that she had come to trust completely, other than her family in Ireland. She took a deep breath as she pulled her hair away from her face.
"You should leave it down", Keith said walking into the kitchen
"What?", she looked at him.
"Your hair", he smiled,"Looks nice that way."
"Okay", she shrugged with a smile,"But it's not so nice when the wind gets a hold of it."
"That's what hats are for", he pulled a black knit hat from the counter and placed it on her head,"Perfect."
"Why thank you", she adjusted it slightly attempting to ignore how his proximity to her made her pulse race.
"Shall we go see some flowers?", he pulled the sunglasses down to shield his eyes.
"Yes, we shall", she grabbed a jacket and a few things before they made their way out of the apartment.
|
|