im a huge fan of the blue monster, so this was a lot of fun to write
hope you enjoy it!
Haden yawned aloud, stretching and rolling onto his back, his motorboat purring resuming as he woke. There was something soft and warm against his side, softer than his bed near the heater, and smelling sweeter than the catnip mouse…
“Denise…” he sighed, rolling back over to snuggle his nose into the silky fur, but suddenly that warmth disappeared and was replaced by a blast of frigid water.
“YAAAH!” he screeched, leaping to his feet and blinking awake, his fur standing in wet, chilled wisps. “What was that for?”
“’Denise?’” hissed a familiar voice from his left, the distaste obvious in the tone. “I merely joined you to share the warmth against the space chill your Earthling body is not accustomed to yet and you assume that I am that foolish feline?” Astrid snarled, her lips curling to reveal long, sharp fangs whose tips glistened in the bright light. It was probably morning on Earth, but up here, the sun shone brightly through the window in the room, yellowish from the tinted glass.
“I-I-I-”
“Yes?” she growled, stalking over to the window and drawing the shades. “You what? Thought that your pudgy little—”
“Hey! I’m not fat! I’m….fluffy. And I’m not little!” he protested weakly.
“That’s what they all say,” she grumbled under her breath. “Anyway, breakfast is in ten minutes, so hurry up. And don’t touch anything on the way there!”
“But what about the—”
“No.”
“And the—”
“…No.”
“But—”
“NO!”
“Fine, fine! No need to get all huffy,” he whined, beginning to lick his fur dry. “And I didn’t ask for an early-morning freeze-shower.”
“Take it like a man,” she sighed on her way out the door, a simple rub against some sort of scratch-sheet on the wall sufficing to brush her fur out so that it lay perfectly. “I swear, all Earthlings are the same.”
“How do they all do that?” he growled, fighting a knot on his side. “All the girls have to do is run against a prickly wall and they look like models from Albatross & Finch, but we men have to—bleh—untangle all of this fur and then somehow dry it and then comb it and then we still look—bleh—like something the dog dragged in,” Haden continued, spitting out mouthfuls of fur too gnarled to comb.
In the other room, Sam smiled as she woke to the smell of something cooking. She did not know what it was, but the scent was heavenly, reminding her of waking up at home to her mother cooking breakfast of hash browns, eggs, and bacon. Could this man cook as well?
Donning a robe at the foot of her bed and running a brush through her hair in the adjoining bathroom, she padded out softly to the kitchen, following the wafts of that wonderful smell. Before her, the space cat walked along regally, entering the kitchen like she owned the place.
Across the room was a black mangled form with a crow’s nest for a head, but the crackling sounds were originating from what was before him, the smells surrounding him.
“You’re an angel,” she breathed with a smile, recognizing Ryan beneath all of that bed-head.
“Good morning!” he croaked, forcing a smile despite the exhausted eyes. “How’d you sleep?”
“Much better than you did, I think,” she observed, coming over to ruffle the tangled hair and straighten the rumpled shirt. “You buttoned this wrong.”
Ryan glanced down and nodded groggily. “Yeah, I didn’t sleep much last night,” he admitted, fixing his shirt. “Hopefully by tomorrow night we’ll be at my home planet, though, so we can have a large, comfortable bed!”
“That’s good. What are you making?” she asked, eyeing the silver bag in the glowing box in the wall surrounded by numerous keys and dials.
“This is kind of what you call a microwave in your world,” he explained, pressing a key when it beeped and producing a steaming plate laden with food from inside the silver bag. “And this…is I think what you call eggs and bacon with toast and butter. Correct?”
“I was just thinking of how my mother used to make this for breakfast,” Sam laughed, joining him at the table in the center of the kitchen.
“A proper breakfast, then!” he said with a smile. “Here, open up!” Raising a forkful of scrambled eggs and brittle bacon, he guided it towards her blushing face, coaxing her to let him feed her. “I have orange juice that’s actually more yellow than orange, fruit from Earth in these cans that I still haven’t figured out how to open, and some fruit from my home planet, too. Now open up!”
“Is breakfast for the cat not on the menu today?” Astrid asked with a smirk, pouncing to sit on the table between the two of them. “Or must I resort to canned salmon like the Earthlings?”
“FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” came a cry from down the hallway, the word punctuated by pounding beats as a striped blur sped into the kitchen and launched itself into the air, streaking through it…only to be smacked down to the table with a sharp tail.
“One, did you wash your paws? Two, ladies first. And three, cats do not eat THAT,” Astrid groaned tiredly. “Sit up. Don’t slouch.”
Haden gaped at her and flashed Ryan an aghast look. “Are all girls like this?!”
“Only the quality ones,” the man chuckled, glancing at Sam. “I’m pretty sure your young lady has the same if I were to slouch,” he added with a wink.
“Where is the food?” Haden demanded, coming up to Sam and shoving his nose against hers. “I’m hungry!”
“Patience, Earthling!” Astrid sighed, stalking over to drag him back.
“But I’m hungry!” he wailed. “Feed me, alien! Yes, you! Blue-eyed one who brought us up here! I KNOW you can hear me! Now feed me!”
“Here you go!” Ryan announced, setting down a plate before each cat. “Astrid, the usual, and Haden—”
“Is that…is that…oh, my precious! My tuna! Oh, how I have missed you!” Haden whispered, face-planting and devouring his food with loud slurps and chomps. Astrid glared disgustedly at him and finally, unable to resist, knocked him upside the head, stopping the bulldozer action immediately.
“That was absolutely revolting. Eat like a gentleman!”
“First you tell me to be a man, and this is exactly how men eat, and now you tell me to be a gentleman?” he protested. “Make up your mind already! By the way, can I have a bite of whatever it is you’re eating? It smells delicious!”
“No.”
“But it—”
“No.”
“Are we having this conversation again?”
“...Yes. Now eat cleanly.”
Just as she was about to dip and take a bite, a furry face appeared in her field of view for only a moment before it was gone…and with it, half of her breakfast.
“What—”
“That is amazing! Alien Blue Eyes, can I have this for lunch? And dinner? And now? And tomorrow? This is better than tuna! Here, you can have the tuna,” he added, pushing his plate towards Astrid, who shied away in disgust. “Oh, and you snooze, you lose, so I won it fair and square. CAN I HAVE MORE?!”
“I don’t see why not—” Ryan began but was interrupted as the cat leapt onto him eagerly and started bouncing up and down on his chest.
“Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes! More please! Please sir, may I have some more?” he added in his best British accent, then went back to jumping around. “Can I have more more more more more?”
“Has he had coffee?” Ryan asked timidly, oof-ing each time the cat landed on his chest. “Or a Monster?”
“FOOD! NOW! Now, you humanoid alien, now! I want more! And I don’t like liquid diets, so no, I have not had either of those. Wait…do you have Monster?!”
“I am not eating that human mush,” Astrid sniffed, turning away from the plate of tuna.
“Okay!” With a whoop of sheer cat joy, Haden bounded off of Ryan, gulped down the remaining tuna in two quick bites, and landed on the man’s shoulder as the he was going to the fridge for more of the cat food.
“Oh Bastet’s furry paws! Food!” he squealed, doing a dance on Ryan’s shoulder when the fridge opened to reveal shelves after shelves of food.
“Do you still want Monster?” Ryan asked, pulling out a bag from the back of the fridge.
“YES!” the cat yowled, doing circles on the man’s shoulders. “Now! Do you have the blue one? It’s my favorite!”
Ryan grinned and pulled out a bright blue glob of something that suddenly transformed into a snapping, snarling creature. When he squeezed the sides, it stilled so that its mouth was open, a mysterious liquid inside.
“AAH! What is that?!” Haden shrieked, flying on top of Ryan’s head.
“It’s a Monster! You said you wanted one, right?”
“But I thought you meant the drink!”
“It is a drink! All you have to do is drink from the mouth, see?” Ryan explained, demonstrating by taking a swig, completely unaware of the repulsed look the cat was giving him. “This is my favorite, too. It’s absolutely delicious! And this is how humans make them, anyway. How else could something so amazing be on Earth? And this is fresh from the source, so it’s even better!”
Haden gulped and sprang onto the table, cuddling into Sam’s arms to stay far away from the blue creature. “I think I just threw up a little. How can I ever drink a monster without thinking about how it was made? And you,” he added, turning to Sam. “You kiss that mouth that touched the blue thing?”
Sam swallowed nervously. “I’m beginning to rethink it.”
“So you don’t want one?” Ryan asked, oblivious to the exchange as he took another gulp and sighed, satisfied. When the cat shook his head violently, he shrugged, put the creature back in the bag and stowed it in the fridge while Astrid looked on amusedly.
“Now may I have my breakfast?” she asked pointedly, licking a stray hair back into place. “I don’t think he’ll have the stomach to eat anything at this point.”
Haden opened his mouth to state otherwise but visions of the blue Monster filled his mind and he shut it quickly, shuddering. “Is there a bathroom nearby?”
“Down the hall to the left,” she said sweetly, too sweetly, with a smile marked by white, curved teeth. “The LEFT, mind you. Wouldn’t want you getting near the computers again, now would we?”
“’Course not!” he snorted, puffing his chest out…just as he stepped off the edge of the table and barely saved himself from face-planting on the ground. “I’m good!” he called from the ground, swaying slightly as he headed down the hallway.
Astrid sighed and looked over at Ryan. “Should I tell him that that is his other left?”
Ryan and Sam both jumped in their seats as they turned to face the female.
“MY COMPUTERS!” the man yelled as he tore down the hallway after the cat, but it was too late.
A loud grumble rippled through the ship, sending everything chattering and jumping around as it began to spiral out of control and straight for a galaxy in the opposite direction of where they needed to be.
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